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false alarms and holding driving us all crazy

11 replies

hairtwiddler · 14/11/2008 19:37

Have been away from mumsnet for a wee while, after asking DH to block me for my own good! However, have been lurking again the last few weeks and now have an issue with DD (3 in Jan) I hope MN can help with.

Toilet trained since June, never had a wet accident since. Occasional soiling in first few weeks, but nothing until recently. She's normally very good at telling me when she needs to go. She does tend to hold in poo for a few days at a time, and often has to be coaxed with stories to sit on the loo.

She developed a bug a couple of weeks ago, and had two weeks of loose stools. Lots of false alarms, constant trips to the loo, and several bowel movements a day. Seems to be over it now, but the false alarms continue, or she declares, 'I need a wee' then changes her mind either halfway to the loo or as soon as she is there. Clearly needs to have a poo, but holds and holds, and denies needing to go, then leaves it so long she soils. Four days with no bowel movement this week, then two accidents.

I am soooo fed up with constant loo trips. Any idea how to fix this? I need to let it run its course, don't I? Sigh!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
hairtwiddler · 14/11/2008 20:11

Bump anyone? Am on an unanswered threads mission for good thread karma....

OP posts:
Grumpalina · 14/11/2008 20:30

Maybe you would like to join us on this thread???

hairtwiddler · 14/11/2008 20:39

Thanks Grumpalina.... off to watch a DVD to take mind off it all now but have noted thread, and will return there.
Hope it works out for you too!

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hairtwiddler · 20/11/2008 14:59

Posting on this thread again. Things are no better, in fact they're worse! DD now holding onto wee as well. Gets herself in such a state of clutching and making distressed noises, which I'm trying not to make worse by asking her if she needs to go (she just gets more upset). Just now she had two accidents in five minutes, then agreed she would go on the potty (which she hasn't used for about 3 months!)
So have I just managed to help her take a big backwards step?

I don't think she's frightened of the loo, more the experience of going. No complaints of it hurting, no recent emotional upset apart from the tummy bug.

Help - have nearly reached the end of my tether!

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girlywhirly · 20/11/2008 16:54

My feeling is let her use a potty if she's willing. The most important thing is that she wees and poos in the appropriate place. She may feel anxious because of the loose stools, and as soon as she mentions needing the loo, you rush her there in case she has an accident which tenses her up so she denies needing to go. She might feel better about it if she can just use the potty without having to tell anyone, or anyone hovering to see whether she goes or not. There is no reason why she can't choose a book or toy to keep herself amused while she sits on the potty. She isn't 3 yet, lots of children waver between potty and loo for ages: and while it may be a pain having to clean out the pot all the time, surely not as bad as cleaning pooey bum/pants!

Make sure she knows where the potty is, and that she can just help herself to it. She may relax and surprise you! Then you can praise/reward her success.

hairtwiddler · 20/11/2008 17:57

Thanks for that girlywhirly... I suspect there is an element of anxiety on my part which she picks up on, especially when we're in public and have to find the loos.
She did announce that she wanted a poo three times at dinner and then changed her mind. The promise of a sweet if she did a poo on the loo got her there though, and she did produce what was likely five days worth! Small streak of blood when I wiped - the result of constipation do you think?

She's just eaten a bowl of stewed apples, pears, prunes, and apricot! If that doesn't help I'm not sure what will .

The wee issue though, you're right, I need to let her take the lead. I'm so good at the positive reward part, but find the ignoring bit soooo difficult.

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EachPeachPearMum · 24/11/2008 17:24

hairtwiddler where have you been?
Was thinking about you and wondering whether you had namechanged!
Sorry- have no advice, as no experience, but it's very nice to 'see' you again

hairtwiddler · 25/11/2008 21:54

Surprised to see I was missed! Been away for a bit, was just a little too addicted. New laptop means ban lifted so trying to mn in smaller doses!

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EachPeachPearMum · 26/11/2008 14:35

sorry- I think of you most days- DD has become a most determined hairtwiddler!
even worse now she has started to suck her hair too

hairtwiddler · 26/11/2008 17:33

Ah yes... mine prefers to twiddle with my hair. Drives me crazy! Still sucks the thumb at the same time - it's red raw.
I can't complain, I do it too, minus the thumb sucking.

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EachPeachPearMum · 26/11/2008 19:53

Now you see- I don't do hair twiddling... but I did suck my hair when I was younger
She has done it of her own accord...the problem is she does it when she's eating, so her hair is always full of food-eek!

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