Is three children a magic number or a crowd?

[mrscraig]

Please advise!!!
Already have 2 dd's - 5 and 3. Our family is balanced, they get on very well and I know dh is happy with situation and doesn't want any more children.
I, on the other hand, have a constant ache for another baby. I adore my two girls but just feel my family is incomplete. I grew up one of three and always thought I wouldn't want to have an odd number of children - I felt I was "left out" being the eldest and also having a rather demanding younger sister who monopolised my parents time - although get on famously now and wouldn't do without her! If I was to have another baby now, the age gap would be about the the same I experienced. But is my childhood a one off? Has anyone else found 3 a happier number?

It's so hard- I dont want my wishes to go against what is best for my family but on the other hand I don't want to look back and regret we didn't add to our family.
DH has said previously he is worried about the financial aspect - would also be interested to know if three costs you a huge amount more that two! Need to prepare my argument!!
Thanks x

We have three (age 7, 5 and 2) and it is great, dd was completely the icing on the cake for us and I know I would have always felt we were incomplete if we hadnt had her. Having her has definitely helped the ds's to be more caring and thoughtful, they are fab with her.

However, it is hard work, I feel my attention is much more widely spread especially with finding time to do things like help with homework, hopefully that will improve as dd gets older - she is quite demanding at the moment.

Financially there is definitely an impact - days out are that bit more expensive, we needed a bigger car, I work part-time so there are four extra years of nursery to pay for. Holidays particularly we are finding are significantly more expensive - everything is set up for a family of four.

Having said all that I love having three, wouldnt have it any other way!

Do you find your family is still balanced and the kids gell?
I also work part time but dont think the child care would be a massive amount more as dd2 is starting school next year. I thinbk it would be the long term financial impact - uni fees ( if they choose that path) for example.
My argument to dh is that we have our years to pick p the financial alck - I could work more hours, he is in a good position for promotion etc.

Sorry - loads of typos!!!Clicked post instead of preview.
I meant financial slack...
Thanks!!

I do feel it is balanced - certainly dont feel 3 is an awkward number, and definitely not tempted to go for no 4 to 'even it up'! We have the usual sibling fights but they are very close, and play very well together.

I hadnt thought as far ahead as uni! Just looking forward to when they are all at school and I am not getting the nursery bill every month. Agree that it is a long term thing, I am hoping by then we will have a bit more money coming in so it wont be too much of a problem.

3 is magic here

works particularly well if you have 2 of the same sex, then a bigger gap, imo - big ones are fab with their baby brother and there's no jealousy (yet..?!)

Very interested in this thread - DH and I had a long 2 or 3 conversation last night and the result was inconclusive - but we only have DS and one on the way so far, so a while to think about it. (I want to know if I'm having my last pregnancy right now, assuming all goes okay with it)

It depends on the children. My eldest boy and girl and close in age and although there is jealousy sometimes, they get on very well most of the time. My youngest is adorable, loving, funny, demanding, self-centred, stubborn and completely maddening! And he gets on fine with one of the others at a time but all 3 can be a total nightmare.

We seem to spend quite a bit more - not baby equipment obviously or clothes as we hand a lot down, but food, treats, days out are all much more expensive. And we had to get a bigger car. Will need to again as my DC get bigger and longer in the leg.

Three is magic they have so much fun and pleasure together (mostly) but it is lots of work.

Not the dc in themselves, they are fantastic. But as SpitSpot says, three lots of homework for example is tough going. Three lots of tummy upsets/headlice, school shoes blah blah etc.

The washing is horrendous and nothing is ever set up for a family of 5 (ie holidays). Days out can be blimmin expensive too. You find ways round this though and we do have lovely family holidays, but we don't stay in hotels really.

BUT the good bits far far outweigh drawbacks. What you get back isn't just three times the pleasure it's so much more as well. I don't regret it.

Ikwym about an odd number meaning someone could be left out. It does depend on personalities I suppose but my three play well together as a three.

Then there are times when it's a two and a one but the combination changes often so it's not always the same one being left out. It usually resolves itself anyway. I tend to leave them to it unless one is very left out or upset, but that doesn't happen too often thankfully.

I have not experienced just two dc though. I went from one to three when dt's arrived. Possibly I would have stopped at two in our grand plan, but I'm so very glad I've had this chance or I would never have known how lovely it is.

castille - glad I read your post.

I fell pg unexpectedly after pondering for about 3 years over whether to have another one. after the initial OMG am quite excited now (am 18 weeks).

I have DS1 who is 9 and DS2 who is nearly 5.

have been wondering how it will all work out but your post is reassuring!

Sorry to have hijacked!

I have 3 - 16.5, 15 & 6 (BBG)

It is great. I would recommend it.

We have 3 dd's - 7.5, 6 and 7mths. 'Tis early days, but so far absolutely lovely! I just didn't feel 'finished' with 2, and although it seemed a bit mad, as we had got through the baby stage and everyone was settled, I felt like I wanted to mix it up a bit, and it has. I feel that it has changed the dynamic of the family in a good way. The older two are very close (sometimes love/hate) and having the baby has broken that up a bit - they both love 'their' baby and give her loads of energy. She loves her sisters and is looking for them when she hears their voices and gives them huge smiles. I also think that it brings us closer as a family because we all adore her.

I feel like I am really enjoying the baby stage this time around, because of the age gap the older two are at school so I have some time to spend with her, and also I feel more confident and experienced.

When I am on my own with them, having to divide attention can be difficult, but I can leave the older two to get on with it to a degree, and you also work out ways of managing (eg bathing baby when older two are having a 20 min stint on computer, etc).

Going out and about is a bit more of a palava, but not much different to trying to get out of the door with two.

So far she has cost us nothing other than nappies, because we have all the equipement and clothes. It will be more expensive in terms of me working only 3 days per week, and paying for nursery.
For holidays, we mostly do homeswaps, which are fabulous - don't have to pay for accomodation and can self cater as much as you like - just have to pay to get there. Air fares to visit my parents will be more expensive.

Basically, we all think it has been a really good thing and are glad we did it. (btw - that 'not finished' feeling has gone away)

I have only read the op so apologies if I am repeating what somebody said.

IT is funny that this is the second thread I see this week about being 3 a good number, or not.

I saw in the other thread that us who were part of a 3 strong sibling group shared your experience and determination not to have an odd number of children.

As I said in the other thread, in our case we would go through phases, a couple of years when two of us were friends and excluded the other, then another one, and then another one and so on.

I saw the same pattern being repeated with other members of the family with 3 children, and recently with my then BF and his children (as soon as we put our three together one of them became seriously excluded). So my advise is to stay as you are or pray for twins!

dont recommend it but everyone is different and it might of been a different story had i not had pnd

That is what i fear the most - my eldest (who ia sooo like me nayway) having what I experienced as a child.
But that 'not finished' feeling has not gone away, am no spring chicken either so haven't years and years ahead to deliberate it.

I didn't know there was another thread on this subject - any pointers as to where I can find it pls!
BTW - twin run in my family!!!

surprisenumber3 - glad to help Congrats and good luck!