DS1 is now 4 and will only poo in a nappy.

[Dragonbutter]

He's been dry in the day for nearly a year.

He's not dry at night so he wears a nappy then. He then does a poo first thing in the morning before we can get his nappy off him.
If you take the nappy off quickly in the morning then he holds on until bedtime again.

So for the last two nights we've put him to bed without a nappy so he can't do his poo in it then put one on during the night, then taken it off early in the morning.

It's been 2 days, but still no poo!

Surely he can't hold on to it forever?
Is this cruel to force the issue?

I would be VERY cross if a child of 4 was sneaky enough to go and get another pair of pants and deliberately did it in them....

I had this with my DD just WOULD NOT poo anywhere except a nappy - any time of the day - I was convinced she'd be going to school with a nappy. Eventually threw all the nappies out - well, told her the doctor told me I wasn't allowed to buy any more, set up a huge bribery system, she held on for 2 days, did a HUGE one on the toilet - after many tears to be honest - I had to sit with her all the time - but she's never looked back. And she is so stubborn so I was convinced it wasn't going to work. Now she won't stop weeing in her pants ...

Dropdeadfread- She's not 4, she is 3. I was still annoyed though.
She did her first poo on the toilet today.
I can't believe it. I saw her going red faced and whisked her to the toilet, she didn't struggle and didn't try to get off. She sat there and did it.
Tommorrow we are going to go out to choose a new hair band.

There is hope for everyone if she can do it. I really hope she continues. She'll have enough hair bands to sink a ship.

I've just noticed that I'd said school trousers on the last thread, that's why you thought she was 4.
I meant nursery school, she wears a uniform to nursery. (it's a tracksuit) She only has two, so it's important to whipp her trousers off before she has an accident. (not that it is an accident)

No worries Mummyloves Lucy, I did assume she must be at least 4 because of the school trousers, that'll teach me to make assumptions! - well done on getting a result today!!

Poo update Dragonbutter?

Dd was the same, then one day at about 3.5 she just brought me the potty with a poo in it. Not had a problem since.

well.
there was still no sign of a poo by 4 so we went off to his friends birthday party.
at about 5.30pm he came to me at the part looking very nervous, he said he needed a poo and we went off to the loo.

it wasn't entirely successful tbh. he needed his bum wiped but nothing made it to the loo.

we tried again at bedtime and then DH decided he was probably constipated now so put a nappy on him and will try again tomorrow.

i chatted with him about it at bedtime. he said he doesn't want to do a poo in the potty or toilet and that it makes him happy to do it in his nappy. he said it hurts when he does it in the potty but it doesn't hurt in his nappy.
i'm sure it's more about the fear of doing it, or finding it difficult to relax enough.

grrr, will try again tomorrow.

Unlucky, DB - I hope it goes better today!

There's a touch of constipation at our place too!

Hiya! Thought I'd look at this thread, and I'm so glad I did. DD does her poos in her pants and I don't think it's bad to pick it off and then wash them!!! Glad I'm not the only one to do this! Sometimes I have binned them if it's too messy and I can't face it but mostly I wash them. DD was 2 end July. She did a poo in the potty this morning. It took a bit of persuading but she did it. She was very proud of herself. I've tried being angry, indifferent, etc but it doesn't seem to make much difference. Maybe being calmer helps a bit? She has to 'hide' at the foot of my bed and I have to sit on the bed out of sight and 'guess' where she is. Sometimes she goes to her Gran's house and sometimes she says she's hiding in the washing machine etc. It makes us both laugh and then she forgets where she is and does it. Doesn't work every time though. Have to catch her at the crucial moment, and produce building blocks or a book, etc to entice her to sit. Doesn't like doing in on the toilet yet. Think I'll try bribery again.....

I'm so glad its not just us having this problem...I was really starting to worry what I've been doing wrong.

I am at my wits end with my 4 year old DS2 over this. In does appear to have control over his poos in that he has never had a poo whilst at nursery or at school (started Sept this year). He's 4.4 yrs old. I feel I've tried everything. We did have some success with giving him a sweet when he used the toilet or potty however he never seemed to produce much when he did and occasionally a hard little lump would pop out. Also when he did use the potty it seemed it was when the poo was actually on the way out rather than he had anticipated it iyswim. However I felt we were making progress.

Things took a turn for the worse when he started school in that he went for days without a poo and was obviously becoming constipated. Finally after a week of no poos I gave him syrup of figs and really up'd his fruit and raisin intake. Nothing much happened at first but then after week it all started coming out (luckily half term). He got upset saying his poo was coming out too fast (which was probably true tbh).

He went back to school after half term. Again no poos at school but almost as soon as he gets home he poos in his pants.
I have started a regime of sitting him on the potty as soon as he gets in and have said he will get a sweet if he does his poos in the potty. However we have had no success and I feel we've regressed. He is very stubborn and hates sitting on the potty and it all seems such a battle. This week after sitting on the potty for 15 mins he got up and then I found him 10 mins later in the kitchen hiding but obviously 'performing' in his pants.

I have cried tears over this. I just don't know what to do. My Mum is convinced he needs a paedatrician as he 'obviously can't control himself' (Her words-she only sees him every couple of weeks). However neither DP or myself agree as he does seems to have lots of control. As I have said he never does this at school or anywhere inoppurtune.

Last week we were spending the day at Alton Towers Waterpark. We were staying at a hotel and I'd asked him to go on the toilet which he refused. However I explained that if he had one of his 'accidents' at the pool we would have to get dressed and go home. Anyway I was packing up to set off and then he called me because he'd done a poo on the toilet!!!. However this was not a break through at all and as I've said everyday after school this week he has pood in his pants.

Sorry this is such a ramble. I just needed to offload. I don't feel there is anyone I can really tell in RL and Mum insinuates that somehow it's my fault and I'm not doing anything about it.

Grumpalina, i really identify with you here. i'm sure DS1 does have control as he has never pooed his pants or done it at nursery.
And getting him to sit for a poo is a real battle despite the fact that he can quite happily go off for a wee without me even noticing. (infact i think he does it on the quiet so i don't make him wash his hands).

he finally managed to poo this morning in his nappy and DH thinks he must have been quite constipated. i guess we'll try again from now but I can't keep letting him get constipated.

bring on the dried fruit!

My DS4 is 4 in January and suffering from the same problem. We are beginning to have small breakthroughs. He actually pooed in his potty last Friday, pulled his pants and trousers down too and hadn't actually started to poo until sitting down. But he hasn't done it since . He will do it in his nighttime nappy or his pants. I do find if I let him run around with nothing on we are more likely to have a success.

Both me and the nursery are working on him and I am trying to not get too stressed although it is extremely difficult. I just keep trying to reinforce where we want him to go and he did seem genuinely pleased with himself when he managed it (he got a gold star from nursery for that ).

BTW he is an extremely active and impulsive little boy and I am wondering if this has something to with it as I never had this much of a problem with my other 3.

Grumpalina - I really feel for you as this is what we've been going through. But - (and I really have to admit to knowing F all about children and childcare, as I'm making it up as I go along) given the number of people on this thread with the same problem, I am sure your ds2 doesn't need help and its not your fault. There must be a key to this which we are all missing!
I am sure dd1 has control too, as she goes off under the ktichen table or into the utility room to poo in her pants - so she must know its coming. I just find it so hard to believe that its nicer pooing in your pants than in the loo...

maybe we should try doing a poo in our pants to see what's so great about it?

you first! let us know...

I'll let you fight it out DB & TSC!!!

Unfortunately whilst sat here DS1 has done it again!! refused point blank to sit on potty on return from school despite bribe of sweet. Asked him a couple of times if he'd like to go on the potty siad 'no'. he has then been ply wrestling with his brother who then announces that DS2 smells. DS2 denies doing anything saying he's just got a 'windy bottom'. I tell him that this problably means poo is on it's way and to sit on potty whilst I get a sweet.Whe i get back check his pants and they're all messy although not a full poo .

Have either of you sought any medical advice?? I have done research and one suggestion was that possibly some children 'hold on' because they don't want to miss anything and then do it in their pants becuase they leave it too late. I can't help but wonder if this is the case with DS2 (he always wants to be in the thick of things). He has even asked on occasion if he can wee in the garden so he doesn't have to go upstairs to the toilet!!!

In a slightly mad moment I wondered if this was all down to the fact we don't have a downstairs loo and wondered how much it would cost to convert the under the stairs cupboard.

I have rememebered something about dd3, who potty trained herself at 2.7 yrs.

whilst she was in nappies she would always go off and do the pooo somewhere she couldn't be seen...if anyone entered the room or the area in which she was hiding (sometimes under a table or behind coats in the hall) she would get really mad and stop going...
whilst she happily did a wee on the potty in front of me she refused doing a poo for a while until we allowed her to take the potty wherever she wanted...once allowed to be alone again she did the deed. For the first few weeks the potty had to be in her wendyhouse out of sight of anyone...now she happily goes to the toliet for both...

DDD. Yes DS2 does show those tendancies. I put the potty in the computor room but i would still go in there and find him bent over the computer seat 'performing' in his pants whilst the potty sat pristi.ne and unused next to him!!

And as if to prove my point he's just come in from the computer room stinking obviously having just filled his pants!!!! He just doesn't seem bothered! I have even taken him to buy underpants so he could choose speical ones thinking he wouldn't want to mess those and that didn't work!

Here's to another weekend obsessively stalking him round the house!!

Grumpalina, if he has no pants/trousers on will he poo in the potty then or will he just go on the floor wherever he is ?

I've also taken my DS4 to buy special pants expecting him not to want to poo in them but they are now special pants with poo stains in them !!

I also think that maybe potties and toilets aren't the most comfortable or natural way to have a poo. My DS1 who is ASD developed very strange habits when having a poo - he has to strip naked and then "squats" on the toilet seat. OK maybe at 4/5 years but not at 16. Has broken numerous seats.

An Ed pysch. told me that squatting was the most natural position to have a poo (hence the "hole in the ground" loos abroad I suppose).

My life seems one long "poo fest" at times what with DS1's habits, DS3 also ASD has leakage problems, makes a complete mess of the toilet and never tells me as well as DS4 just pooing in his pants - happy days.

Counting: I must admit I've not really been brave ebough to leave him wandering around the house with no pants on and at 4 he seems too old to be doing this. However on one occasion when he'd had and 'accident' I'd managed to get him to sit on the toilet for a while with no success. We all came downstairs whilst I went to put his dirty pants in the laundry and get some clean ones. Suddenly he started screaming and panicking that he needed his pants. I rushed in pants in hand and he was screaming he needed his pants because 'a poo was coming'. He was stood right in front of the potty at the time!! I picked him up and put him on the potty and actually had to hold him there as he still wanted to get up screaming he needed his pants. At first he seemed to be holding and then obviously couldn't as half his body weight in poo came out (sorry tmi!!!). After that he seemed to relax a bit and actually said that 'his bottom felt better' now.

I think you could be right about the position thing though. He complains that the potty 'hurts his back' but describes the toilet as 'boring'.

I can't believe the amount of time I think about and talk about poo thses days!!!

ok, odd suggestion here but this apparently is what my dad did with me...

take off nappy and pants during the day...

leave potty where it can be accessed privately by DS...

lay nappy in potty.

i was a bit younger than your DS when he did this but apparently i sat on the potty with a nappy in it to do a poo quite happily.

after a few days, he cut the nappy in half so there was just a bit in the bottom, then a few days after that took the nappy away completely.

odd isnt it? but apparently it worked for me and I havent pooed in my pants for about 35 years

We seem to have made progress!!!!

Since Friday we have not allowed him any sweets or chocolate unless he has used the toilet or potty (and he is a sweet monster). He was told he'd get one sweet for sitting on potty when asked and trying and one if he produced something. I don't think he really believed it at first but the penny dropped when I returned from the Sunday newspaper trip without a his weekly treat. At first wasn't much much success on the production bit but it did encourage him to try.

Anyway today after school I noticed he had disappeared into his bedroom. When I asked if he was having a poo he admitted he was and when I asked where he should be he said toilet and went of into the bathroom (usually there are denials and then straight refusals to go on toilet or potty). Anyway I gave him a sweet for going on toilet (even though it was prompted) and then a second when he produced a small amount.

He has now unprompted walked into the room and done another small poo on the potty and has had a further two sweets. Starting to feel quietly optamistic!!!

ONe thing that can be a problem with some children in my experience is the 'privacy issue'

Is the potty in a public place (lots of people put it in a public place) .. do you stand there and watch and cheer whilst they're on the loo.

Some children need privacy, put them on the toilet, walk away and push the door shut and leave them to it.

Also teaching children the basic biology of food goes in your mouth, into your tummy, through your intestines where all the good stuff that helps you run, play and grow is taken out, and then there's only rubbish left and that comes out as poo and needs to be flushed away ... big happy bye-byes to poos as you flush them away can also help