Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Mind your language - help please!!!

33 replies

bella29 · 12/11/2008 08:54

Help me please!

My 4 year old dd has expanded her considerable vocabulary to include the f-word.

We honestly don't use this word at home, but I guess where she got it from is fairly academic now.

Should I go with my instincts and tell her not to use that word (she understands what a swear word is) and then say no more, or is there a more foolproof way to make sure she doesn't trot it out during the school nativity or some other maximum embarrassment time?

Many thanks...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Shitemum · 12/11/2008 08:57

{lurks, swearing quietly under her breath}

yawningmonster · 12/11/2008 08:59

hmm if you really don't ever use it it home then our method won't work for you. Dh does swear quite often so it was only a matter of time until ds did. I said to ds that I no longer wanted that word said in our house and every time I heard it I would send the sayer to their room. Dh predictable swore and I sent him to our room (to his credit he looked a little incredulous but went) Ds stared open mouthed and just said very quietly "you sent daddy to his room?"
"Yes ds, he said a word I don't want used in this house." "Oh" says ds and we never have heard him swear again and by the way dh is much better about it too.

Original poster

bella29 · 12/11/2008 09:09

Fantastic, yawningmonster. I could use that for not helping to tidy up, couldn't I?

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Shitemum · 12/11/2008 09:31

{worries that if DP instigates this system in our house Shitemum will spend the rest of her life in her room...could be quite nice tho.....}

DisasterArea · 12/11/2008 09:43

me too shitemum. have told the DDs it is only ever o.k to swear while driving.

Northumberlandlass · 12/11/2008 12:54

My 5 yr old - has a few choice words in his vocab. But, he usually asks if it is a naughty word.. this was our conversation last week..

DS: Mummy if I ask you something, will you promise not to get cross with me ?
Me: Yep.
DS: Is Bloody Hell a naughty word.
Me: Yes, but I'm pleased you asked. Now, if you use it I will get cross, because you know it is naughty.
DS: Ok, Mummy. [pause] Mummy why don't you tell me all the naughty words you know and then I'll know which ones are naughty when I hear them.
Me: Er...I don't think so. But I like your thinking!

Bless him.
xx

Weeteeny · 12/11/2008 13:07

Disaterarea, that's a good one!
Its the only place I swear and its a miracle so far that my DC haven'y used these words.

bigTillyMint · 12/11/2008 13:11

My DC's know most of the naughty words, but they also know it is wrong to use them and that they will get into trouble if they use them.
They don't swear as far as I am aware.

It's a case of do as I say, not as I do

mumof2andabit · 12/11/2008 17:32

My dh swears quite a lot so have tried to be a few steps ahead so if he does swear (and its usualy accompanied with a tone of voice) I tell ds to tell him off. It works for us but ds is a bit younger.

GoodDaysAndBadDays · 13/11/2008 09:36

I know this isn't really swearing to most people, but coming from a catholic background it didn't go down too well....DD1 (2.5yrs old) started saying 'for God's sake!'. I think she had heard me saying it under my breath .

When I heard her say it, I just asked her (calmly) not to say it as it wasn't very nice and to say 'for goodness sake' instead. It worked. To the point where, when my Mum said 'FGS' DD1 said 'you mustn't say FGS Granny, you must say for goodness sake'!!

Funnily enough, I have found that I have really learnt to curb my language now (even just saying FGS) around the children. DD1 doesn't say it anymore

Martha200 · 13/11/2008 11:01

DS1 is 5.

When he said the F word first time around, I calmly said he was not too as it was not nice and that people with little imagination use this word. (I don't have a problem not to use this word) and he prides himself on having a good imagination, well he thinks so for stories etc. I also told him as it was an adult in an airport that he heard it from that sometimes there are words adults say and to hear it from children is not nice, so please don't use it until you are 18 if you feel you do have an urge!

Anyway.. weeks go by and he says it again, I tell him I am sad because he told me he understood a previous conversation and that he knows in my house this is not a word I want to hear, I send him to his room, he goes without a fuss, then within minutes he comes out to say he is sorry.. and not been used since, though he says there are children in his school who say not nice words and there are other words they could choose to say!

As for god's sake, this got dropped by him when his Grandma told him if he said it again she would stop playing with him, he tested her, she stopped, he said sorry off his own back then never used it around her or us since! I find the referring to God though a hard one because the majority of adults do.. and I almost have a list of words I find easier to stomach than others, e.g p* off preferable to f off.

disneystar · 13/11/2008 12:46

interesting thread of what yo say if ever the dc so ever swear
they say oh my god which we discourage all the time but thats it
the 7yr old has changed it to gosh
the 4 rd old came home from shool and asked if such and such was a bad word i said yes he answered how disgusting and tbh they have never used foul language
thats not to say they will always be like this they are 8,7 4 and 5 mths

Notreallycutoutforthis · 13/11/2008 12:57

Great thread - have to say to Northumberlandlass what a great story! Have appalling language myself but once DS was talking did moderate myself - ended up sounding like Bertie Wooster with all the Blimeys and Cripes... Around age 2.5 through DS was messing around while I got him dressed - he could see I was close to losing it and looking down at his feet said 'ucks sake'... Made even more effort after that and I think he notices me starting to say things and stopping myself (oh for .... heavens sake etc) and realises there are some (oh so many) words which we could use but shouldn't . Guess this is of no help to Bella, but am new to MN and just discovering how much more fun it is than filling in job applications

Notreallycutoutforthis · 13/11/2008 13:00

BTW - think DS may think that 'Bother' is a swear word, as he uses it with a glint in his eye whenever he comes back from Granny's. Must be the way she says it

DesperateHousewifeToo · 13/11/2008 13:04

If telling your dc not to use swear words does notwork, use a nonsense word as a swear word and make a big thing about not using it. Hopefully, it will take the focus off the actual swear words.

My cousin used 'purple blob' as her swear word when her dd started using the f-word. She then said purple blob the next time she dropped something and looked all embarrassed saying to her dd 'that's a very naughty word I said, you must not use it'.

It worked very well apparently.

TheShipsCat · 13/11/2008 13:17

I just ignore DD when she swears, and pretend that I haven't understood the sentence. That works quite well.

(She got into the habit of saying "Oh FFS" when struggling to do her shoes up. She now says 'for Pete's sake!')

fortyplus · 13/11/2008 14:59

This is going to sound really smug, so apologies in advance...

My 2 would come home from school and use the odd swear word. I would ignore it at the time but then have a little chat with them later along the lines of this...

That lots of people find words like that really horrible, that they must never ever say them around very young children or old people. Old people were brought up in a time when only really nasty people would say things like that in public (ok - I know that's not true!) That when we were young children would have their mouths washed out with soap if they said words like that. That when they thought about the children who used those words they weren't usually the children they liked, were they?

Mine are 13 and nearly 15 now and they never usually swear. They will occasionally tell eachother to piss off, but that's about it. (Though ds2 did say 'fuck!' yesterday after about 10 seconds of hopping up and down with tight lips when I accidently stabbed his sore finger with the scissors when I was changing the bandage!)

Doodle2U · 13/11/2008 15:05

Tell her Baby Jesus can hear her say that word. Better still, tell her Father Christmas AND Baby Jesus can hear her say that word.

shockers · 13/11/2008 18:01

Make it a matter of family pride... The *** family NEVER use THAT word because we have good imaginations. This works for us!

LeavesLeavesEverywhere · 13/11/2008 22:31

I wouldn't tolerate the f or c words - useful tips on here for how to handle it if DS (4) started saying that. But I do allow a little bit of flex for occasional, mild swearing at home/in private. He doesn't do it often, and only in a context in which I would likely say the exact same thing (i.e. "Oh bloody hell!" or "Oh shit!"). He knows it is not OK to say it in public/lots/randomly (I ignore it if he has a burst of doing this, though luckily only at home or my mum's so far). I don't swear much, but I do sometimes, and I figure that it's not unreasonable to entrust him with a bit of that same freedom. So far, so good.

Regarding your specific situation, could you encourage your DD to use a more acceptable curse - a non-swear word, especially a funny one? DS loves "bolderdash" and "fiddlesticks". You could encourage her to use this instead. At home, you could ignore the f word and it may well go away. Failing that/when in a public place, you could warn DD of and deliver on a consequence if she continues to use the f word after you have asked her not to.

HTH.

Tryharder · 13/11/2008 23:23

This thread brings back memories of myself and my brother having our mouths LITERALLY washed out with soap for innocently repeating playground swearwords.

I swear far too much but so far - luckily - havent heard DS1 say anything too horrendous. It's wrong really isnt it - the way that the f word has become almost acceptable in polite society.

From tomorrow, I am no longer going to swear...... (except in the car )

jellybrain · 14/11/2008 13:31

DS (8.5) has been in trouble for swearing on more than one occaision. He has taken to saying'darn!' when particularly cross... I really have to try hard not to laugh.

Grammaticus · 14/11/2008 13:49

Hmm - I have adopted a different approach and told my DCs not to say those words in front of me or another adult, because they will be told off. I have implicitly accepted that there will be times when they are with their friends that they do swear. I thought this was realistic, but now I wonder...

Jux · 14/11/2008 14:02

dd is 9 and has been getting progressively worse. I would love to send dh to his room as an example to her, but I know he wouldn't go.

Instead I have told dd that we will get a swear box and that we will be putting in 50p per word. She was horrified and begged me to give her 3 weeks to stop swearing in. It's been nearly a week and she hasn't done it once yet.

snice · 14/11/2008 14:07

Fuck off the lot of you

[wish someone would send me to my room I'm tired out emotion]

Flip

1 2