I am beating mysefl up - does anyone else feel guilty about being bored with their toddler?

[Gateau]

I work three days a week and have four days at home with my 18-month old DS. It's usually just the two of us as my Dh works weekends (he only gets every other Sunday off).
I really enjoy my days off with DS. Probably because his personality is developing, he's interacting a lot more and trying to talk . We have dood fun together.
However yesteday - ue to tiredness and a slight (very rare!!) hangover, I just couldn;t be bothered to do much with DS. We stayed in all day, for example, and that is totally rare for us! I woke up in great spirits but as the day went on, I got really bored and was willing him to go for his nap - which he didn't until 3pm.
I usually find lots of things to do with him, but yesterday everything seemed like a huge effort and I got really bored playing with his toys. (He doesn't play on his own). I was also getting annoyed at him (but didn;t show it)following me around everywhere when I was trying to do housey stuff.
Now I am wracked with guilt that I got so bored being with him and couldn't be bothered doing anything with him. Has anyone experienced similiar? Is this normal?? I feel so bad.

I actually find my 20mth ds infinitely more interesting than a baby. At least you can DO things with a toddler, rather than just feed/change/wind etc. You should definitely try to get your ds to play on his own for a bit though, it will help both of you.

Agree Teeny. Toddlers are so much more interesting than babies. Which is why I felt so guilty about not enjoying him yesterday!

I think it's easier to be confident in retrospect. I can look back on 3 of them and say "I loved the newborn stage, toddlers were cute and cuddly and all that but bloody hard work and I got stressed and bored quite a bit, and I really do like the 4-8 stage when they are still lovely and cuddly but a lot more independent and less frustrating (and they are continent. and they sleep well. and dress themselves. etc)".

it was particularly looking back that I realised how I didn't actively dislike the toddler stage at the time but I did like it less than baby stage and less than 4+ stage.

I think we're surrounded by images/a general myth of mothers finding their babies and toddlers endlessly fascinating, and when you have longed for a child as well it can come as a shock to find it can be astonishingly boring. But it doesn't mean you don't love or like your child or enjoy their company. The fact is toddlers have a short attention span and it's hard to concentrate on anything, get anything done, generally have a life of the mind when you're with a toddler. On top of that, you're with your toddler ALL DAY. Imagine being with anyone else you know all day long, having to give them your on-stop attention and show interest in everything they do. You'd go mad.

Staying at home is the worst for this as well because everything is familiar. I like to take DS out to museums, galleries, castles, nearby towns, shopping, any kind of trip - especially if I can find places I haven't been to before so it's more interesting for me too.

I should have added that I was going to stick on a dvd yesterday and watch it with DS. But I didn't because I thought he's watched enough tv yesterday morning. I should have just done it - we both would have been happy.

I agree with Fennel, it is easier to feel confident in retrospect.

When my first child was a small toddler, I mostly felt sad, bored, alone (we lived in the UK then and when ds was a young toddler no one I knew had children) and pregnant with my second.
I think I consumed all my reserves of patience in those long hrs with the YP. But at least I could sit down .
And ds only started to play independently only yrs later. At 6 he is still very much keen to share most of his findings with me/us.

I have 2 close in age I find they fight entertain each other a lot

Get lots of Maisy's dvds, I still find them the best on offer for toddlers. And used to enjoy watching them with my small dc (I pretended to read the newspaper)

Agree with Franca about Maisy - great for when you get fed up. If you have a portable DVD player, you can set it up next to your computer and you can MN while your toddler watches Maisy and you will be able to talk to him about what is going on from time to time.

depends on your DS - mine would absolutely not be fobbed of with a DVD. Am very envious of those who have DC's who are. Even now when he wasnts it on its more for background noise than as a direct entertianment. Tehre are some signs that this is beginning to change a bit (and no doubt will be on here moaing about that in a years time) but at 18 months DVD was no good for me.

DD is 2.5 and I've been clock watching a lot lately. She used to be great at entertaining herself, but now she follows me around pitifully saying, "hewwwwp" (help - as in, "Damn you mother, come play with me"). I'm fedup of doing the same jigsaw day in and day out, but it's her favourite and makes her smile so ho-hum.

Her favourite thing at the moment is housework. She'll dust the TV for ages.

So, no you are not alone! Somebody HEWWWWP me................................

God, I sound like an awful mother.

Lilred - you sound like me, if they are bored at least find them something to do that helps you (although learnt the hatrd way not to give dd1 the window cleaner bottle and some kitchen role when she squirted half the bottle onto a 2inch area!!)

DD2 quite good at watching me do the ironing whilst pretending to do her ironing (have a play ironing board and iron) and dd1 would watch princess/barbie DVDs all day given half the chance (actually thinking about it the tv is on most of the day

My ds (20 mths) won't watch TV - I can sometimes occupy him with ten minutes of YouTube, but all he wants to see is "tat" (cats) or "Barbie Girl"

He does play very well on his own though - current favourite is lining up his dolls and soft toys and "teaching" them how to do things. He will also spend hours drawing, and looking at books.

I do feel guilty sometimes when I think I'm ignoring him a bit, usually to MN, lol! But as some others have said, subsequent children don't get constant 1-2-1 attention.

I think it's easier with 2.

I have always had 1 day at home on my own with the children - with DS1 I definitely had to get out of the house and have a plan for each day.

Now with 2 DS (4 & coming up for 2), I have DS1 for company and inventing games, and DS2 just follows.

I find myself at a bit of a loss on my own with DS2

I would love a third child, but a third toddler? Not massively. The early toddler years nearly drove me insane with boredom. No you're completely normal - surprised you've only just started to feel this at 18 months TBH!

Oh, and agree that it can be easier with two or more as they -fight- entertain each other.

durr fight. I'm new can you excuse me?

Well DD is currently lay on the settee with a blanket over her and her bunny and dummy, watching Monsters Inc whilst I MN.

To be fair she says that she is tired. I think it's a ploy somehow (she's just slept for 12 hours) as she's only allowed bunny when she's sleeping.

As I said before, I wish I'd given in on Sunday and put on a DVD to watch with DS. I was thinking the whole time "I'd better not, he's watched enough tv this morning." But I should have just thought "to hell with it." We don't always do it after all and it was a bleak, rainy day.

You have reminded me how the other weekend we were watching a DVD (and it was pissing down horribly). Dh suddenly was overcome by a wave of guilt that we should be out doing something and ended up saying we should save the dvd for a rainy day.

Yes, I often find mine very boring as well. DS1 (3.8) has always been useless at entertaining himself but at least now he's older he is interested in going to places that we both enjoy, eg museums. I do really struggle to play games like cars, it bores me senseless. If there are any children's games that you secretly quite enjoy then you should get those, eg I quite like duplo and building train tracks, though op's ds is still a bit young for those. I think a lot of it's inbuilt personality, I don't think that I loaded ds1 with attention, and there definitely wasn't much I could do to get him to play on his own. Now he's older he will at least watch TV for a bit which gives me some respite and has started playing with his younger brother more.

Ds2 (20mths)is much better at playing on his own and is much easier company as a result. I don't do much with him whilst ds1 is at nursery - I don't think that you need to go out very much to give them stimulation at this age but you do need to get out for your own sanity.

Birdy, I think it's easier to go out though, particularly if you have a little boy who doesn't play much by himself and undoes everything you have just done!

Hi Gateau
I think you can see you're not alone. And I'm in the process of writing a feature called Baby, It's Boring! So, yes, playing peek-a-boo and gently going bonkers is commonplace. x