help and support please - doing controlled crying, i feel awful.

[mieowcat]

tonight, after 2weeks of very unsettled bedtime routines and last night being up till 3.30am with dd (9mths) we are doing controlled crying.
we have fed her milk, read astory, had cuddles and put her in her cot where she started screaming 35 mins ago. i cant bear hearing her so upset but know when we've 'given ' in before it makes things worse. going in to pat her etc, only upsets her more. do we sit this out, how long is too long? i feel terrible. please please advise support. xxxxxx

Well done to you and your lo, Mieowcat!

Have a good nights sleep and good luck tomorrow.
Give it 2-4 more nights and hopefully you should all sleep much better.

Btw, don't worry about 'damage'.
It's an old school MN joke like cod

Thisisyesterday. Thanks for the info. The research is interesting and as you say, can;t be proven either way with any level of certainty. My problem is the real life alternative, not the 'sleep training' alternative. For some people the other methods of getting your child to sleep just don;t work (believe me, I tried every one for my first child!) I think that you have to put cc into perspective - if the alternative to it is a mother who is physically or mentally unable to cope with her child, unable to 'crack a smile' all day, unable to talk to people without crying due to severe sleep deprivation or sliding into depression - cc can be the answer. I have seen both sides of the coin and can honestly say that it saved my sanity. I have also now come out of the other side, after using cc on my first child and then, after seeing the results (and the speed with which it worked), using it on no2 and no3, I have thoroughly non-stressed children - calm, loving, entirely daft and all entirely different to each other. Each cried for 3 nights in total, with a bit of mucking about at odd times and the expected disturbed nights for teething, illess etc (when of course I would never just leave them!) After that, each would grin at me at bedtime and wave bye, bye with gay abandon. I totally appreciate that for some mums, cc is unthinkable, but I do think that those mums also need to understand that some of us just can;t cope with that amount of 'sleep torture' and really need to cut us a break on the guilt trip!
Cluckyx
P.S. I'm not suggesting that you have at all - you've been terribly nice!

TIY - ref your previous post. No, not square one - mine would cry for less than a minute after a few disturbed nights.....a little scaremongering I think.

I always used the 10 minute rule from early on (in pregnancy I cried when I got tired so my logic was that my baby would cry when tired too til she got to sleep). Always worked.
You know your baby, so if cuddles make her cry more she may want to be left in peace.
I don't know the research about CC, I only know myself and my baby. I have felt awful for leaving her to cry, but sometimes it's the only solution as all else makes cry more, so often I know I'm doing the right thing so don't feel bad! I do know we have great bedtimes now at 18 months, no fuss or bother unless she's ill.
What did your mum do with you? My Mum did the 10 minute rule (leave for 10 mins - any shorter will disturb and any longer there's a prob) and I don't feel psychologically scarred!
Once older the 10 min rule has been extended as if I've done everything (fed, changed, cuddled, bonjela, calpol)and she's still crying the only medicine I can give her is sleep and she won't sleep if I keep disturbing her.
Good luck!

UPDATE!!
this is night 6 of CC, and it is working. She went staright to sllep tonight, no crying at all.
thanks for all the positive messages of support MNs. xx