desperate for advice - toddler has suddenly become a nightmare to feed

[silvermum]

What is going on? My DS (15 months) who used to be easy to feed, has within the last week-ten days become a complete nightmare. Where it used to be a pleasure, every meal is now a battle, often with him turning his head away before he's even tried our offerings. It usually ends with him in tears, me nearly in tears, and not much at all eaten.
It is really upsetting and I am getting worried about him getting enough to eat (though he has enough fat stores from previously being a fantastic eater!)
I am certain he is not ill - he is absolutely cheerful and full of energy, until we put him in his high chair, when he quite often becomes grisly before the meal has even begun. (he is quite comfy in the chair and there is no other change to his environment). Nor have we changed his diet - but he seems to have gone off lots of things he used to like. Where do we go from here?
The added complication is that there are three of us involved in feeding him - me, DH, and his nanny - and we all have different techniques for trying to persuade him, but at the moment, none of us are succeeding. Please, please help.

oh yes, i forgot to mention, he doesn't get snacks between meals, so it's not that he isn't hungry!

Firstly I would stop trying to persuade him. He will eat when/if he is hungry, and if you keep trying to persuade him it could turn into a battle of wills. Believe me, you don't want that!

Are you still spoon feeding him? At this age he probably wants to take some control so finger foods are essential.

Offer him a small selection, leave him to it (under your gaze but not right next to him) and if he doesn't want it clear away. Offer again later in a similar way.

HTH

we are still spoon feeding him but letting him do it himself if he wants, and also we always give him bits to pick at himself while he's being spoon fed (eg, he gets to nibble on toast, while we spoon feed the main meal). this may have been a mistake, but it worked for a long while.

Time for independence. Just put his meal in front of him (mixture of finger type foods and spoonables - you could offer a fork to see if he likes that idea) and take it away at the end, no discussion and certainly no trying to persuade him. It's either a power thing or else he is coming down with something/teething. Either way, you can't make him eat and all the extra attention will make it much worse. He won't starve

I don't think it was a mistake, but babies can make a big leap in their development, almost overnight, and leave us poor mums struggling to understand why something that was fine yesterday is completely unacceptable today.

I honestly believe the less fuss you make the better. My best friend had this with her ds and 3 years later (he's now 4) they still have battles over what he will and won't eat.

Oh and make sure that all 3 of you do this!

Agree wholeheartedly with provincial lady!

yes i think we will have a "summit meeting" tomorrow morning to discuss the new tactics suggested here! ie mixture of finger foods, leave it to him to eat or not, no fuss. his nanny, who is absolutely fabulous, prepares his food with great love and takes huge pride in him eating a lot of it, so she will find it particularly difficult to "step away" but we cannot go on like this.

Minimal fuss, and don't starve them to try and get them to eat their main meal. Giving fruit loaf and butter if thats all they will eat is the right way. Some childrend eat better if given frequent snacks rather than big main meals.

My DD will starve rather than eat something she doesn't want to. However, she has been like this since starting solids and she is nearly 2 so I've got used to it.

Go for food with minimal preparation for a while, especially the nanny as it does ease the tension. Also feed him what you eat for lunch/dinner so you are not cooking special meals. They pick up your stress.

At around 15 months my DD went from a child who ate everything (I was probably guilty of a little smugness) to one who over the next few weeks cut down her diet to only cereals, bananas, bread, and of course any biscuit / cake / pudding ever invented. It was pretty upsetting.

Gradually over the following months she built her range of food back up again (some foods had to be put on her plate for weeks on end before she would touch them), but at nearly three it's still nowhere near as wide as in the glory days of before 15 months.

So, if yours is the same, I think you'll just have to get through it with the least amount of stress and upset you can, and know that eventually better days will be ahead. Good luck!

DS (19m) is also getting fussier, having been a wonderful eater before. Thing that seem to work when he's feeling cross with food:

• a fork - he v much likes using one to eat all sorts of things: sandwiches, raisins etc. as well as the obvious pasta/lumpy things
• giving him a plate with lots of different things on, a jumble of 'pudding' and 'main course', eg grapes, berries, tangerine segments, cheese, cheese on toast, savoury muffin, little pancakes, stew, risotto, peas, carrot. He seems to like having the choice about what he eats, and in what order - and makes some v odd combinations sometimes!
• when he says he's finished I let him get down without a fuss, but for as long as the rest of us are eating, he can come back and have a bit more, or food off our plates. No delicious little between meal snacks though, otherwise he'd just hold out for his beloved cake...

I think it's really common after their first birthday for their appetite to drop dramatically - certainly lots of toddlers I know seem to have done this, including my own.

I completely agree with the no fuss approach. Just offer foods that you know he's previously liked, and leave him to it.

Also agree that little snacks can be helpful - a huge plateful of food can be off putting, but a few chopped grapes in a bowl while watching CBeebies or reading a book may well go down well.