Why do we want our young kids to be so "independent"???

[mamadadawahwah]

Was reading another thread about breastfeeding being questioned as making babies clingy. We all know this is a myth, but got to thinking, "why do some of us, and society place so much value on our kids being independent, self sufficient and self reliant. I want my son to have self esteem, but I see people who are worried about toddlers being too "attached", etc.

What do we gain by fostering early independence? I dont want my son to be independent, he's only two and I hope not to start thinking about that until he leaves home! Now he is only a baby, and he needs his mommy and daddy.

I just think if we worry about this issue too early we might inadvertently transfer neurosis onto our kids and threaten the attachment they have to us.

Remember the AbFab series, the one where the friend comes to visit with the baby in tow, and uses flash cards on the baby, saying "momma"? Why do we want our kids to grow up and leave us so early? There is already enough out there in society, i think, to take our kids away from us, without our input.

I dont want a "milk toast" for a son, and i do want him to be self sufficient when he grows up, he has to be in this world. But, worrying about it at toddlers age is ludicrous. Feeling safe and secure at home and knowing parents are always there is the best road to start on in becoming independent imho.

I think it's a good thing to foster independence in boys especially, there are too many grown men who can't boil an egg because their mummies never taught them how to look aftre themselves, whereas it is somehow expected of girls.

As for 'too early' - well I think once they're past the toodler stage kids love being thought of as 'grown up' and doing 'big boy/girl' things. It doesn't mean they don't want lots of cuddles (I am dreading the time my 2 boys don't want cuddles any more! )

It's DS1's 5th birthday today and I just know that when he opens those lovely parcels in an hour's time they are going to be full of Power Rangers and He-Men and Action Men and stuff I and DH can't even begin to understand! But he loves them, he has his own little world playing with them in which DH and I are irrelevant. And that's the way it should be!

DS1 and DS2 have both been going to day nursery 2 days/week since 6 months. DS1 also did 2 mornings at pre-school from age 3.5. (DS2 only 11 months at the mo) He started school in Jan and has had no problems settling in and has been quite happy to mix with new kids and deal with teachers.

I would have hated him to have had any more pre-schooling or 'activity' than this, though. I am lucky being self-employed and able to work part time but I really enjoyed the times when it was just DS1 and I together. I also enjoyed it when he was at nursery though! I have a friend who was so panicked, when her DD1 started school full time, at the thought of having to spend time alone with DD2 and no structured activity, that she has signed up for tumble tots, 2 playgroups, baby gym, swimming lessons, and this on top of 2 days/week at day nursery. Then she complains that she never sees her friends - but she's never available!

Sorry this is a bit of a ramble....