Could my 9mo baby have forgotten I'm his mum after 1 week apart??

[BEAUTlFUL]

I'm away from home for 2 weeks for work (I'm just started 2nd week), but yesterday DH and the kids came to see me. DS2, who is 9 months, showed no recognition at all! He just gave me a serious look, then immediately looked up at DH. He does with with people he doesn't know.

I have been his main carer since the second he was born, can he have forgotten me in a week? Has all that bonding gone out of the window? He didn't cry, he really just looked at me like I was anyone.

Obviously I was inseparable from him that day, and sang all "our" songs, but... eek. By the time this week is over, will he have a clue who I am? How good are their memories/

Yours, Gutted

of course he remembers you maybe he was a little tired?

He may have been "punishing" you. Honestly I know that sounds a bit mental but DS would refuse to cuddle me when I first went back to work (he was 9 months old) when I came home. He couldn't keep it up for long though.

There is no way a 9 month old is going to forget his mother in one week. No chance at all.

Agree with Georgimama re punishing! When DS1 was 4 months old, DH and I wenat away on a long weekend for four days , and he refused to look at me initially when I get back - I did feel punished - have never forgotten it!!!

Have had the same reaction from mine- and it has done no damage whatsoever to our longterm relations. You just need to rise above it.

tbh it may not even be as conscious as punishing. Have you never had the same experience yourself, when you've been away from dh or parents or close friends for a longer period (and a week is long to a baby), that yes, they are still the people you love- but it takes a while to reconnect. I had this a lot, as dh and I lived in different countries during our 10year long engagement. There was always a horrible moment before we clicked back again (but we always did ). And it wasn't because I had a short memory. As grownups we try to cover it up- a baby can't do that.

A nine month old won't be doing anything to punish you - he isn't capable of doing anything to punish you.

He looked at his daddy because his daddy has been there all the time while you have been away, not because he was doing anything to make you feel bad. It's normal; he is looking towards the person who has been his primary carer while you have not been there.

Things have changed, which is always unsettling for babies and always changes things. Once you're back, things will soon get back to normal.

My mother is a family therapist and also very interested and familiar with attachment theory in babies. When I was going away for a week when DD1 was about 6 months old she warned me about this so I wouldn't be shocked or upset on my return but would take it in my stride. She said to me that it is extremely common for a baby that has been left by its mother for a few days either to be angry and cry or to ignore its mother when she returns - i.e. not to be happy and cuddly and pleased to see you, which is what you might expect. Bizarrely this is a sign of strong attachment not of weak attachment or of forgetting you. I see you got back 2 days ago, I would guess things are absolutely back to normal by now, but if not it'll only be another day or so - don't worry.

I don't mean this to be flippant but don't animals do the same thing? My SIL always complains that her cats are 'sulking' and refuse to go near her when they come back from the cattery. Obviously a basic emotion/coping mechanism.

Thanks for all your messages. I'm not back till Saturday... That'll be it, then. He'll never forgive me!

Can't wait to get it all back to normal. Thanks for all your replies, you have helped a lot. Love the idea it's a sign of strong attachment! Thank you. xx

I left my DS with DH for a week when he was 10 months.He blanked me out when I got back but we were back to normal 2 days later. ( exactly the same as when we had a dog and left him in kennels!)