Dd (3) invited to her first party - can someone fill me in on basic etiquette please?

[Kathyis6incheshigh]

Thank you. I realised I don't have a clue.

1. What do little girls wear to parties these days? Special pretty party dress, or just a nice outfit?

1. Obviously we will take a present and card for the birthday girl, but these days does one take something for parents as well?

1. Invite says 12-2, so I assume she will get lunch! But do we drop her off and leave her or hang around ourselves and if so will they feed us as well?

Very grateful for any advice!

I would say:

1. Either - smartish but not so special that you can't riot in it.

1. Nooooo - birthday girl only

1. Check with inviting parent but I would say you would probably be expected to stay and shouldn't have great expectations of being fed (although DD should be fed!)

1. Anything goes really - some will wear pretty party dresses, some will be in normal clothes, some in fancy dress. Depends what sort of party too ? More casual if something like soft play.

1. Don't normally take anything for host/ess - is it in their house - maybe more reason to if so but I don't think its expected. No one's ever given me anything as host ?

1. At 3 I would expect to stay - you may well get something for adults (I have done nibbles and drinks before but then I usually do an afternoon party).

Thank you Stealthsquiggle and Wheelybug.
It's in their house. I'm sure dd would love to wear a pretty dress.

1. Anything goes -- nice outfit or pretty frock or whatever.
2. No.
3. Normally at 3 you'd expect to stay. Round here parents would normally get nibbles of some sort but not a proper lunch.

Thanks Gunpowder. How reassuring that there's a consensus
I was thinking they were letting themselves in for a lot of catering if they were planning on feeding everyone!

Oh and the $1000000 question - what do we do with ds (23 months)? I seem to remember from other threads that it's frowned upon to bring uninvited children but as dh is the one who drives, if we can't take ds then dh will have to escort dd on his own which he would hate as he's shy.

1. Depends on the venue, dd wears trousers for soft play and a pretty dress for dancing type parties.

1. Nope

1. At three I would stay, although. Some parties cater for parents, often by sheer volume of food supplied to the children, but I have been to a few soft play burger and chips type parties at which the parents haven't been catered for at all.

oh x posts! Most people I know bring younger siblings - when they are that little it's not so badly thought of ime -it's more the 6yo turning up to an 8yo's party that's a problem.

I have always overcatered anyway, as do most who do their own food, but many of dd's friends' parents with younger siblings (did you follow that?!) bring something for the siblings to eat just in case, especially if the party provides a box for each child (common for soft play parties)

Oh that's a good idea to take food for ds just in case.
Thanks v much Tigerfeet. This is all very helpful.

Welcome to the world of parties btw - dd has been to countless and buggered up numerous weekends with her hectic social life - and she's only 4.4

1 - anything

2 - nope just a gift and card

3 - call and ask, at 3 I'd expect to stay. then you can also ask about the younger sibling

Yes it's an important milestone for our family, isn't it?

Last Saturday we had two, with an hour between the first (rollerskating) and the second (Halloween fancy dress) [thud]. We have had two back to back before now as well. I could refuse some invitations when she was smaller but now they all discuss who is going to the party and dd would be devastated if she knew she was invited and was told she couldn't go. I understand it settles down after a few years [sob]

Two! Yikes.

She was actually invited to one a few months ago but the invitation was put in her drawer at nursery instead of her pigeonhole and we didn't find it till several months later

I think your DH may have to suck it up and get used to taking your DD to parties until she's old enough to be left (or you learn to drive). Me & my DP both find parties hard work, but we just add it to the long list of PITA stuff you have to do when you've got kids.

If it's a party in a house, space may be more of a premium, so they may not be so keen on all of you staying. Depends how well you know the hosts and whether it's likely to be a relaxed sort of thing with lots of parents & younger siblings milling about.

Oh, we don't know them at all.
Poor dh

Yes that's a good idea. It's the other side of town but dh and ds could always put waterproofs on and go to a play area somewhere.
I quite like meeting the other parents. I'm infinitely curious about dd's social life.

I think at 3 most people would expect parents to stay, and would therefore accept that this might mean that younger siblings will also have to be present - its polite to check if this is OK though.

At 4 the leaving/staying issue becomes a bit more complicated.

If there isn't food specifically for adults, its usually possible to find something to eat on your child's plate aslong as you don't mind it being pre-sampled.

Dress code well covered by others (though I would say that as they get older, the Special Sparkly Top tends to be the common denominator - this works for both softplay freeforall and the more demure event).

Re drop-&-run vs hang-around, if it's a party for all-3-year-olds (and the birthday child is not the youngest of a great big family), they'll expect you to stay - things like having to do urgent loo duty solo for your entire guestlist can be a bit daunting for hosts.

Re ds: definitely call & say he'd need to come (own food good idea). AND THEN SEND DH WITH THEM BOTH WHILE YOU HAVE A BREAK. (Dh will find it hard to be shy when corralling a toddler everyone is cooing over.)

That would be mean Bink!

Not mean - very good advice. You don't want to be the designated party going parent "Oh you know all the other mummies, it will be so much easier for you". Get your DH trained up now.

MmePlat speaks truth (I have to say that since she agreed with me, but she's right anyway) - there can be, as your children get older, a real domestic demarcation friction over who's accountable for party admin & who swans about simply not being able to be accountable because they do not know anything of the history/context/background.

It is truly a prime example of learned incompetence (with which we try so hard not to have any truck, no?)

1. Little girls more often than not in party dresses/skirt and top IME

1. Just gift and card for child

1. As preschool age, I would expect to hang around. DD should be fed. There may be nibbles/drinks forg rown ups but not necessarily.

As someone who hosted a party for nursery chums this weekend may I suggest that mid-way through the party you tell the mum/hostess what a fab party it is and how much the kids are enjoying it! I found it at bit stressful and was delighted to get some encouragement part way through the day that it was a good party