wills and children

[SalBySea]

with a baby on the way we've gotta change our wills but that means we've had to start thinking about who we would like to be the guardians of our child if something happened to both of us

How the hell do you choose and if you do think of someone how do you even start to broach the subject with them?

I am down as the legal guardian to my dads 2 kids and my aunties 2 kids.
they just came right out and asked me and my dh, we said yes.
The reasons they gave were that they couldnt think of any one else in the family who would provide for and care for their children like we would do.
We are trusted and the best people for the job i suppose.

we thought of 2 families who we think we share some parenting views with

one lot are relatives, although we are not particularly close to them, we are much closer to other relatives but privately strongly disagree with their parenting. Asking the ones we thought of would prob upset and offend the rest of the family, plus we are quite sure they would say no anyway

the other family we are not related to but I grew up with the mother so know that we share the same background / religion etc. They work really really hard as it is and are stretched enough with their own family (although I think they do a great job). I would feel bad asking. Its not like we would be returning the favour as they are very close to their own families and I'm sure the guardianship of their kids would pass to their siblings or parents

its such a tricky area

We put SIL as guardian for DS's. She is wonderful with children but has none of her own and is unlikely to ever have her own. She has a good income and works from home. And she would have full support from both sides of our family.

what was her reaction when you asked?

anyone got non-relatives down?

am I right in saying you should one set as guardians and a different set a finanical guardians if the children are under 16/1? My husband and I have one child together and he his 3 older ones from previous. I REALLY need to get a will sorted as I wish our child to inherit what we have together (his others are already taken care of separately)

We have just had our first DC and have a solictor's appointment to write a will later thsi week, so are in pretty much the same situation.

I have chosen not to ask my sister as she lives abroad, and I think it would be too upsetting for DS to loose his parents and then have to go and live in a family where he doesn't speak the language.

All our parents/uncles/aunts are in their 60s so that is unfair on them - imagine looking after a teenager in your 80s!

One of my brothers works offshore, so also out. We have chosen-

DH's brother - DS would be close to grandparents & with close family. DH's bro has a two year old and another due very soon, so are in the same kind of age-range groove. Although DH and his brother are not that close, they share similar views, ideals and interests.

A very good and longstanding friend - Has the same "mind set", philosophy and ideals as me and I trust and love her. She has a 3 year old and is also expecting soon.

My other brother - Not first choice as he is a lot older than me and his children are teenagers now, so not fair to ask him to pick up with a younger child once his are grown, BUT DS would have the most similar lifestyle to what he will have with us - we share interests, are both scientists, shared background and again, the same rellies.

Good luck with your choices. Everyone I asked was very flattered. Although havn't quite got the guts to tell my sister I won't be asking her....

Were you talking to me Sal?
SIl was really emotional - thrilled to be asked. We did make it clear that she was only having the boys if something happened to us and we weren't just giving them away!