Sad my DD still hasn't got the hang of going to toilet after nearly 2 years..

[littlemich]

Help, DD 4 who we started to potty train at 2.4 still hasn't got the hang of doing poo on toilet. She initially did very well with the potty but quickly started to hold on to poos. On reflection I think we should have given up and tried again when she was older. We persevered though but were constantly cleaning pants and by 3.4 she had a serious case of constipation which was horrendous. She is now taking movicol everday, (Lactulose didn't help), but still holds on to poos. She can get very angry when we ask her to go to the toilet as we can see by her face that she is desperately trying to hold one in. She generally would rather not go to toilet and it gets to be quite a battle at times and yet other days she just gets on with it.( so we know she can do it) We really don't know how to move on and progress. We have done loads of praise, rewards, charts, reading and playing on toilet, ignoring accidents, being dissapointed, nagging, not nagging, leaving her to tell us when she needs to go (lots of accidents) We have tried every approach and just feel very fed up after nearly 2 years and still no end in sight.

i really sympathise, i used to be a nanny to a little boy with exactly this problem. Apart from the saying he did eventually grow out it i'm afraid i don't have any great advise. Just keep being consistent with your approach and make sure she doesn't get any attention re this problem good or bad as it can become a control issue. Good luck i know this is a really frustrating problem but extremely common.

After being potty trained (wee) for 6 months my nearly 3 year old DD is doing the same thing.I'm not too worried yet as is still only young. My friend's son had this problem from 2.5 until he went to school (sounded pretty much like your problem what with the movicole and lactulose)and is finally much better now at 5. My DD holds on for days then usually goes whilst asleep at night. if she needs to do a poo during the day she shivers and complains that she is freezing but won't admit to needing a poo. I've just learnt to read the signs and wrestle her to the loo quickly! It doesn't help that she is in full time creche during the week so it is quite hard to monitor. Good luck and hopefully it won't go on for much longer!

Hi
you might find some helpful informaiton on this site as well as on MN

Thank you everyone for responding, I feel better just knowing that we are not alone in this problem. Feel sad for DD that she is missing out on a fun childhood because of toilet stresses.The link was a great help too, thanks popmum.

not sure if it is appropriate but would using a big potty be more comfortable as it may put her in a more comfortble and secure position to poo?

littlemich you could have been describing my DD - until a breakthrough about 4 weeks ago. Until then, she was exactly the same and nothing, absolutely nothing, would make her go to the toilet to do a poo. If we tried to manhandle her onto the loo it would just end in a big screaming tantrum and she would still hold it in. Even when she did go (normally in her pants) you could see it was causing her a huge amount of pain.
Anyway, things came to a head after she had an accident at nursery and I got pulled aside by one of the teachers who told me what had happened and that DD had got very distressed (like I didn't know that would happen ). When we got home, I explained to DD (rightly or wrongly), that mummy had got a row from the teacher at nursery because of the accident.....well, it's been like the flicking of a switch! She now does a poo on the toilet all on her own and is very proud of her achievements (which we make a huge song and dance about ). We still see her in her cross legged position trying to hold it in from time to time, but eventually she will go off to the toilet on her own and do the necessary. I cannot tell you how pleased and proud she is making me .
If someone had told me things would have changed so dramatically like this, I would never have believed them but my DD is transformed. I hope the same for you....hang in there, things will change eventually.

Thank you HeathersMummy, It does sound exactly the same! We worry so much about saying the wrong thing too but it sounds like the "row" really worked! Feel better knowing that she isn't the only child on the planet behaving this way.