For co-sleepers - questions

[Jacksmama]

We have an 8 1/2 month old DS who co-sleeps with us. We think it's a lovely arrangement and is working well for all of us. We didn't have a preference either way before he was born (co-sleeping or crib-sleeping), rather, we drifted into it because his birth was horrid and I wasn't too mobile at all after, in fact, needed help to get out of the bed to go wee at night so getting up several times a night to feed and change wasn't an option for us so we drifted into co-sleeping and love it, because we all get to cuddle and also because I'm still breast-feeding and so don't have to get up a million times a night now. It's like the self-service petrol station in our bed... DS half-wakes, pecks at me until I half-wake, roll over, he latches on (still mostly asleep), pops off when satisfied and goes back to sleep, as do I. We all get brilliant sleeps.
So I'd like to as how any of you other co-sleepers (and I know you're out there ) decided to or drifted into co-sleeping, and what do you love about it? For that matter, is there anything you don't like about it?

But is it just me or is the phrase "accidental parenting" really insulting??

Jacksmama - : ignore, ignore, ignore. You're doing the right thing for your baby.

My DD knew what she wanted the moment she arrived in this world. It was strange: every HV/midwife who saw her in the first few weeks said, 'oooh, she knows her own mind', etc. And, as far as she was concerned, there was no bloody way she was sleeping in some dumb-ass crib away from mummy and daddy. So we co-slept as we were doing her bidding. Still going strong, and thank god for it. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE co-sleeping (did I mention I love co-sleeping? ).

I'm probably kidding myself (ie. we just got lucky), but I at least think that co-sleeping is part of the reason DD is such a cheerful little soul: I'm not kidding - if she cries for 5 minutes we're having a bad day. In fact, this week she's only cried about about 10 mins in total, and that's because she's got a streaming cold, poor wee thing.

She doesn't need to cry in the night, because we're there. In fact, although she's not 'sleeping through', that is, going long periods without a breastfeed, I can count on both hands the number of times she's actually woken in the night (usually because of our dreaded enemy - wind!). She just grunts a bit, I stir, pop her on the boob, she feeds, and that's it.

I'm positively evangelical about co-sleeping .

If you read her whole book she's kind of getting at the situation where parents make lots of ad hoc decisions and then wind up desperately unhappy with the results months down the line but don't know how to change things. I don't think she was particularly talking about parents who were perfectly happy with how those decisions had turned out.

I suspect that, given that if she was called in when a baby was quite old it would mean that there was a problem, she developed a skewed perspective on the whole thing -- any family she met who made ad hoc decisions wound up unhappy with the result, therefore all families who made ad hoc decisions would wind up unhappy with the result. The fact that there were whole legions of parents out there playing things by ear and living quite happy lives without having to call on her help seems to have escaped her notice.

I'm not against co-sleeping but I do have some questions about it.

Do you co-sleep with dp and the baby or do and baby co-sleep and dp sleep elsewhere?

What do you do about bedtimes - do you have to go to bed at 7pm or do they stay up and go when you go?

Do you have a HUGE bed?

We cosleep DH, me and DD. We do have a HUGE (superking) bed, though . With DS he'd go down in his cot to begin with and came in with us when we went to bed. DD is a much less mobile/wriggly sleeper so I put her down in the middle of the bed and block in the sides with pillows to act as a barrier to rolling out, then we join her later. I'm not 100% happy with that arrangement, but it seems to work for us given that she doesn't move around much (I didn't use the pillows until she was nearly 6 months, and I check on her regularly and she's never come close to having her face near any of them). Ideally I'd have a superking mattress on the floor, I think, so I wouldn't need to worry about rolling.

I am currently cosleeping with DD3 whos 3 months, coslept with the other two until 15 and 12 months.

we have a bedside cot which is really an extension of our bed means our bed is bigger IYSWIM

when they start to roll they go down in teor own cot with a rolled up duvet at the bed side then when we go to bed later we take it away

for me there is nothing better than snuggling up to a little sleeping baby I love it

loads of my friends think I'm odd and eveb endangering my babies lives in case ~I roll over on them if it were the case the human race would have died out a long time ago, as mammals we are designed to sleep with our Mothers whilst infants

we co-slept for nearly 6 years, some times were difficult but mainly the best option for everyone

DD now sleeps well in her own bed, but I was quite sad when it stopped

dd is 16months and we are still co-sleeping.
I took her into my bed on the second night after she was born and she has never really wanted to sleep alone.

I tried to put her in her cot but she only slept alone for a few hours at a time.

I am wondering when I will ever get her out of my bed, but I love the cuddles espically as I am now single.

cantpickyourfamily

have to admit, it was hard to move dd into her own bed, tried at 3 years, absolute nightmare

drifted along and made a real effort this year, took about 2 months though

got 2 singles in her room, i slept in there, then had a big 'sleeping in your own room by yourself' ceremony

We drifted into co-sleeping with dd2 and are currently engaged in trying to drift out of it. I didn't co-sleep with dd1 but she was bottle fed, dd2 is breast fed and we started co-sleeping when I had flu when she was about 4 mths and I just couldn't get up and feed. We've kept doing it as she still wakes several times a night and it means I get a better night's sleep. Dh sleeps in the spare room, although dd2 now goes in her cot at the start of the night, so I get a bit of time in bed with dh which is nice. I never intended to co-sleep so I was a bit surprised that the first night I went to bed without her last week I felt bereft. Co-sleeping is definitely coming to an end though as she's now mobile and I worry about her falling out of bed, and there's no easy way to make the bed safe for her.

Hi I co-slept with ds1 and like you all said slept pretty well. So I decided I was definetely going to cosleep with ds2 but he just wont sleep. He has bad reflux which may be the problem but I am so frustrated. He won't sleep anywhere now and I am not a fan of controlled crying, he is only just 6 months. I am actually at a loss as to what to do as I am getting more and more sleep deprived with every day. I am actually quite upset that the cosleeping hasn't worked and I keep trying. By the way my MIL is horrified at what I do and keeps telling me how wonderful my SIL's kids are doing.

Jacksmama, this person is a "friend"! Interfering know-it-all, I would have said.

I don't think of it as 'accidental parenting' but as relaxed parenting, or attachment parenting, if you want the official term.

One of the problems with training babies to strict timetables and routines is you are locking the whole family into it. I've always been amused by friends who arrange their lives around the sacred nap.

Mine nap when they fancy, wherever they might be. We much prefer to take life as it comes. So long as the baby is happy and healthy what on earth does it matter.

Scifinerd, a friend of mine found carrying her baby in a sling in the daytime really helped with reflux.

She's quite annoyed none of the health vistors suggested a sling when she was begging them for advice, because she and her husband were getting no sleep.

I co-slept as soon as we came home from hospital, although I didn't realise until I was shown by an adviser from the Breastfeeding Network that I could feed lying down I would feed DS and then carefully lower him down and curl up !

DS is now 16 months and we sleep with DH (and his manky old cat) on a queensize and single mattress pushed together on the floor. We have 2 duvets so that DS can go either in the middle or to the right of me under his own blankie, and a cot mattress up against the wall so he can't bang into it.

I can't think of any down sides. We manage a very happy sex life in other rooms and both love waking up with DS. It's quite rare that we have a very disturbed night - even during bad teething. I also love napping with him during the day. I'll really miss him when he goes into his own bed. Not for years I hope.

We co-sleep since DD abandoned her cot for good at 6 months, so for the last nearly 4 months although she has never been overly fond of the cot. It's cramped in the bed. although it's a massive bed and I end up with a tiny corner but I love it. We're trying to get her back in the cot and have made some small steps this week, but for the hour or so that she manages, DH is relieved but I really miss her