New baby-so many questions!

[mishkamoo]

New 1st baby-gorgeous little boy will be 4wks on Monday. I am breastfeeding and he is piling on weight so I guess I'm getting that bit right at least BUT...
At noght he falls asleep while feeding and then I very carefully place him in his moses basket and pray very hard he won't wake up on the way in! If he does then he very quickly gets worked up into a frenzie and can become inconsolable. Is it wrong to let him to fall asleep on me?? Should he be 'learning to go to sleep by himself' at this stage or is it far too much to expect of such a little baby.
In the day he often gets overtired but just won't give in to sleep and again becomes inconsolable. I have to rock him in my arms til he is asleep and again very carefully transfer him to his moses basket/bouncy chair. Is this also wrong??
Sometimes the only way he will settle is when given my finger to suck-should I use a dummy?? And if so when?? Should it be used when he's going to to sleep/only when he's unsettled/all the time??
I have a bushbaby sling and we tried him in it when he was 2wks old but the base seemed too wide and looked like it was forcing his legs too wide apart-I have heard about carriers causing hip problems-anyone else heard of this/had any experience using them in very young babies??
Basically I don't really know what it is reasonable to expect of him at this early stage. Any advice/experiences gratefully received. I feel like such a crap parent and am so scared of teaching him bad habits.

i'm wiggling a pram to get my 5 wk dd to sleep, so excuse no caps!

very early to worry about habits, you're doing well if you're all clean fed and sane!

re slings - stretchy best for lo's - i use a kari-me, there's aklso the moby and lots swear by the Close (she's alseep now so I can type better).

I do the same at night, put her in the moses basket after feeding, but sometimes I keep her in the bed - there's a lot of info around about the best ways to co-sleep if you find that you often fall asleep while feeding, have you mastered feeding while lying down, it's very relaxing?

From reading out post-natal thread I would say that you're on the better side of typical for this age (by that I mean you CAN get your lo to sleep - lots have more problems than that!)

DH gets out DD to sleep using the 'magic finger' (ie sucking it!). If bf is well established you can use a dummy from 4 weeks - but you might find your ds won't take it. I would say if you do it's probably best to use for sleep only, but that's just me.

I'm sure you'll gets loads more advice so I'll stop now

He sounds just like my dd. finger sucking is very normal both of mine did it for ages nut no dummy. just personal choice i think. you sound like u r doing a brilliant job

Its hard being a mum. Your doing a great job. The best advice I can give you is go with your instinct.

My DS was a nightmare baby, he cried and cried, was a terrible feeder and never slept well. The hospital staff branded him a screamer on day 2!! SO I really understand how frustrating and difficult it can be. He is now 13mths old and loads easier, not perfect but then who is.

People are right you can't spoil a baby that is only 4 weeks old. If you want to try a dummy then go for it!! We gave DS a dummy to sleep with only and its worked wonders (I was always against them). So when I put him down for asleep I would give it to him and he would go to sleep, if not sleep then at least he was happy and I could get some rest. I never let him juts stuck on it though, it was only for sleep time.

I would stroke his head in his moses basket when he was upset and just shhhhh him. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.

Swaddling was a life saver!!! It really calmed him down.

You've just got to try different things. Somedays it will work, others it will not. give him a few times of sleeping on you so he is calmer and you get some rest. But be assured when he gets older and as he can understand more getting them into a rountine is alot easier.

Good luck, it will get easier and remember to do what you think is best for your baby.

Mishkamoo - you're doing brilliantly. My DS (now 2.5) was just like that - he needed closeness and warmth to sleep during the day and night. We found warming up his cot (so cold after a warm mummy) with a hot water bottle helped, as did swaddling (as a clear sleep sign to him). We tried him on dummies but he was just a very sucky baby - he'd found his own fingers to suck by 6 weeks so was just a few weeks of sucking our fingers/on mummy. Shushing or gently singing to DS helped him settle when upset - as did walking around our flat and a change of scenery. Carrying him in baby carrier also worked brilliantly - and getting some fresh air every day helped him sleep more. I only ever used a Baby bjorn with DS (he was 9lbs when he arrived so fitted into it quite well) but sounds like a soft sling may be an idea if your little one is still quite small.

DS was swaddled until around 10 months in the end but stopped needing to be fed to sleep by 4 months. In a couple of weeks try a bed time routine - dim lights, bath time,massage, story (obviously a v short one - he'll just be listening to your voice) if you want to and feed before putting him down to bed. We started doing this with DS at 5 weeks or so and it worked brilliantly.

Go with what you feel works best for you and your baby - in another week or so he'll start smiling at you properly and these early days will feel like lightyears in the past...

Mishkamoo, you have clearly been listening to health visitors! Or have read a baby book whose name I will not mention advocating the use of routines! Please erase the word "bad habit" from your vocab with regard to a newborn baby!

Why does Western society expect babies who have spent the last 9 months inside us to suddenly be able to sleep alone or get themselves off to sleep? Cots are cold lonely places!!

Your DS is a helpless little baby; by nature he wants to be close to you because otherwise he would not survive. Enjoy cuddling him to sleep; I know it's a bind sometimes if you want to get something done but they grow so fast and before you know it, he wont want you to cuddle him!

All sounds perfectly normal. And IMO I wouldn't worry at this stage about creating bad habits. Do what feels right and works for you and your baby, and things have a habit of working themselves out later.

Not familiar with the bushbaby but a lot of slings (well, some of those I've used) have extra straps to tie round the bottom bit to make it narrower for babies under ten weeks. If you're worried you could do something like that for your DS. Or I've used wrap or wrap-style carriers with newborns with no problems (the hug-a-bub with DS and the Close Baby Carrier with DD).

Hi honey, congratulations on your new baby!! It sounds like you're doing really well - and you're obviously doing what most of us have done, too. I could not agree more with tryharder - who could possibly expect a little creature who's been warm and safe and rocked inside you to suddenly accept lying there by himself when he could be cuddled up in your lap, ejoying your warmth and heartbeat and scent and feeling safe and loved? Where would you rather be?? Forget "routine". At least for now. You and he will find your routine. My DS is an extremely sucky baby - for the first few months he hated sleeping without something in his mouth - a soothie or my nipple preferably, which, as it is attached to me (!!), meant I had to sit quietly on the couch and rest... not too bad except when I desperately had to wee... and at the risk of making you all PYSL - there were many occasions when he was fast asleep, attached to the aforementioned nipple, and I simply carried him to the loo with me and weed while he was still attached and sleeping. This was relatively easy while I was still only wearing yoga pants, but once I'd graduated back into my jeans, managing a zipper or button one-handed was a bit trickier!
Anyway - do not let anyone make you feel bad about holding your DS all the time, or not being in a routine... they're tiny and cuddly for such a short while, enjoy it while you can. I know it means the rest of the house is neglected, but (sadly) the dust and dishes aren't going anywhere (I wish they would), and right now, your job is to be mummy and nourish your obviously-thriving little man.
Big encouraging hugs for you!!
(And regarding the baby-book-which-shall-not-be-named in tryharder's post, hop over to the One Child Families thread called "The Mystery of the Lost Shoes and Trousers..." for my rant about that book and a "friend" of mine... link here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/one_child_families/638548-The-mystery-of-the-lost-shoes-and-trousers-and-other...

Thankyou all for your words of encouragement! Will persevere as we are!