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Parenting

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Original poster

Does anyone else's DC go to bed after 8?

27 replies

Gateau · 27/10/2008 15:51

My DS is 18 months old and does not go to bed until between 8 and 8.30. It's been this way for months.
We like him to eat with us - and it has evolved that way - and we don't eat until about 6.30 when DH gets home. Then he has a short play/watches TV before having his milk and going to bed.
Most other people seem to get their DC into bed for 7 - for me, this is impossible!
Does anyone have similiar experiences to me?

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filz · 27/10/2008 15:53

my older two (9&7) go to bed at 7/7.30
baby, 14 months, is more unpredictable and can be up until I o to bed

poisondwarf · 27/10/2008 15:57

Mine is 18 months too and rarely gets to bed before 9.30-10pm (and frequently much later) - he has been to bed at 7 or 8pm a handful of times but generally wakes up a couple of hours later raring to go.

Am finding this exhausting as I am 7.5 months pregnant and working full-time. I dread to think what's going to happen when the new baby comes along.

Original poster

Gateau · 27/10/2008 16:05

That must be hard, poison.
Do you ever get the feeling other '7 o'clock bedtime' mums look down their noses at you, as if you're being negligent.
I get that distinct impression from my neighbours who peer into our kitchen and see our DS eatinghis dins with us- when their DC are tucked up asleep in bed!!

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RantinEminor · 27/10/2008 16:06

I think, as with all sleep related questions, the answer is to not compare your situation with others. Do what you do and if you are happy with it then don't worry about it. In my experience just because somebody tells you their tiny one is asleep by 7pm doesn't make it so.

stillstanding · 27/10/2008 16:10

Alas I am in the same boat. DS is going to bed 8.30/9pm these days. In our case we are ok with it (although aiming to move slowly down to 8pm in the next couple of weeks) as otherwise he wakes up at 5pm which is much worse. It is exhausting though .. poisondwarf, my heart goes out to you!

Gateau, I have exactly the same situtation as you with the neighbours! Their 4 year old goes to sleep at 7pm and I always watch his lights go out green with jealousy!

TooTIfYouAreScared · 27/10/2008 16:14

My dcs (3, 7, 9 and 12) are rarely in bed before 9. It's just the way it is.
(One nice, enlightened person once told me that intelligent children need less sleep )

Original poster

Gateau · 27/10/2008 16:14

I'm not green with jealousy. Their DC get up at 6 and they are so 'routine' about everything. Bores me silly.
How old is your DS stillstanding?

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stillstanding · 27/10/2008 16:16

So true, TooTif! DH says DS is clearly going to be the prime minister when he grows up

Original poster

Gateau · 27/10/2008 16:19

Going to bed later has advantages: for example you can go for meals out later than 5pm (I hate eating at that time) and you can take the kids to evening events, such as firework displays.

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stillstanding · 27/10/2008 16:22

He is 19 months so much the same as yours. Our bedtime gradually evolved over the summer. Mostly because we suddenly found we could do lots of things as a family after DH got home, like a quick stroll to the swings, bike rides and watering the garden, all of which DS clearly loved but which I am sure most parenting manuals (and those pesky neighbours) would think were far too stimulating! DH wouldnt really have seen much of DS otherwise. Also because it was fun to eat together and because the early morning risings (which were out of control at one point) were tamed.

At the moment this works for us but I do plan to try and bring it forward to 8pm (wish me luck) so that DH and I can have a bit of time together. Hopefully daylight saving time will work in my favour!

Original poster

Gateau · 27/10/2008 16:26

Agree with all you say about the family time element, still standing.
Good luck with the 8pm goal. We often find that NOT reading to DS in bed helps to calm him down. Don't get me wrong, we used to love this part, but these days it seems to overstimulate him. He often just wants to lie down and cuddle his toys. And he'll often wave and say 'bye bye' to us.

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poisondwarf · 27/10/2008 16:28

Thanks for the sympathy! I don't know about people looking down their noses - actually I don't think I know that many people whose kids go to bed at 7 - but I reckon people probably think we could try a bit harder, and I tend to agree ... the problem is that although the late nights are knackering for me as I get no time to wind down (and we all sleep in the same room so it's difficult for me to get to bed until DS is asleep), the late starts and long daytime naps are convenient for DP (he's currently a SAHD). I'm not there to try & control naps and I'm too knackered to start the teatime & bedtime routine as soon as I get home from work. I'm hoping things will change once I'm on maternity leave and I have a bit more control.

I agree with what's been said though - there are definite advantages to a late bedtime as well (just can't seem to focus on them atm with my bloodshot baggy eyes).

SachaF · 27/10/2008 16:29

Whatever suits your lifestyle! DS (21 months) goes to bed around 7.45 - 8pm otherwise he wouldn't see his daddy. My sil has two of hers in bed by 6.30pm (5 and 3) and the other two by 7.30pm (7 and 1) as she has them all getting up 6.30 - 7am for the school run. On the continent I think young children tend to be up later so thry can join in family meals.

herbietea · 27/10/2008 16:29

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AnneOfAvonlea · 27/10/2008 16:31

DD1 always used to go to bed late at this age as we tied in her routine with DHs working day. She is now 4 and goes to bed just before 8. I had people look with envy at my morning lie in and shock at her bed time.

DD2 seems to have a different body clock and finds it difficult to stay awake past 7.30. We have to be up early to get DD1 to school so the bed time works backwards from the wake time if that makes sense.

I find that people with more than one child tend to stick to the 7-8 bedtime as it is the only way to get the kids up in the morning and get out on time.

PsychoAxeMurdererMum · 27/10/2008 16:32

we have been like that in our family too. and like yours, we evolved from DH getting home and wanting to have time with DD1 (and then each of the others in their turn as they have come along).

it works for us, and always has, yet I have lost two friends along the way as they really got quite bitchy about it.......I never quite figured out why, it wasn;t as tho I was proclaiming my way was best, just that it worked, as their way clearly worked for them.

my children are made like me tho......they are what I call 'owls'.....they are more wakeful in the evening, and quite good company too.

there has been times when I have tried for an earlier bedtime....normally when I have not been overly confident that maybe I am doing the right thing, but I have now got to the stage where I am past caring, it works for me and mine, and stuff anyone who wishes to judge me. I am not making them change their ways, and if they feel like that then they clearly are not confident in their choices.

Original poster

Gateau · 27/10/2008 16:32

You're right herbie.
The three days I work I definatley wouldn;t want to be putting DS into bed at 7. We don't get in until 5.30! I know some people who work and manage 7pm bedtime but I think it's impossible even if I did want to do it!

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SachaF · 27/10/2008 16:33

Poison, if dh is a SAHD then shouldn't HE be initiating teatime and bedtime? DH gets home from work and tea is cooked and sometimes being served - that's part of my role as a SAHM!

bozza · 27/10/2008 16:34

As long as they are happy and getting enough sleep it is fine to fit in with your family life. Mine have to be up no later than 7 when I am working so neeed to be in bed by 7.30. you may need to move things forward once they start school but in the meantime stick with what works.

Original poster

Gateau · 27/10/2008 16:34

How pathetic and judgemental of your friends, psycho. Friends like that you can do without.

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mrsbabookaloo · 27/10/2008 16:36

My dd who is 27 months goes to bed usually just after 8 and this has always been her bedtime as it works for us.

At the moment, she doesn't actually go to sleep until after 9, which is a bit wearing, but I can't face cutting her nap, which I think would solve this problem.

Anyway, nothing wrong with it as it works for you.

stillstanding · 27/10/2008 16:41

Psycho, am shocked at your friends. How bizarre.

I think DS is an owl too. Also have to laugh because he does become VERY good company. I suspect that is because he knows that he has to be on good form otherwise he may find himself being tootled up to bed earlier then he would like!

poisondwarf · 27/10/2008 16:42

I know what you mean about the reading Gateau. DS quite often shows signs of being ready for bed at a reasonable time (in fact he says 'bed' and takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom). We keep books by the bed and I have to read every single one of them to him, by which time he's wide awake again and I'm sticking pins in my eyes to stay awake. Lately I've been turning the light off straight away and sometimes it works but sometimes he grabs the books anyway and insists on reading them in the dark. I suppose I should take them away really but it's nice to have a bit of quality time alone with him as well.

Sacha yes you're right and he does (well he doesn't so much as initiate as do it - I have to nag him). It goes a bit like this:

5.30pm get home from work. Me - shall we give him his tea early & try to get him in bed for a reasonable time? DP - yeah, no problem.

6.30pm Me - it's 6.30, what about his tea? DP - oh yeah, what shall I make?

DS eventually gets his tea at 7.30.

8 o'clock me - can you get him ready for bed? etc etc, you get the picture.

Gets to 9 or 9.30 then I take him to bed cos I'm knackered myself, then we go through all the book-reading and general mischief and if I'm lucky he's asleep by 10.

PsychoAxeMurdererMum · 27/10/2008 16:47

I know.

the only thing I could think of is that they both liked their kiddies in bed by 6pm, and had early starts the following day.

during the hols we used to get together as a big group, and they would be raring to o at 8am......where-as me and mine always preferred a 9am start (and most other people would to I would think......that is surely the appeal of school hols, a slow relaxed start).

it all got too much tho...my 'friends' would constantly bitch to their children that I was a lazy mum as I wasn;t up and out and held them up for an hour. I didn;t.........I was happy to meet them later, but no, not good enough.

and so, they are no longer friends. there was a little more to it than just that tho (there always is), but suffice to say, they were not the same type of parent as me, and so it was never destined to work sadly.

onwardandoutward · 27/10/2008 18:23

I always think it's important, if one is thinking about this, to compare not only bedtime but also getting up time.

So for those whose families have 7pm children's bed time, the adults get an adult-time evening and then, presumably, woken at 7am or earlier. [shudder]

But for those of us whose bedtimes tend to be somewhat later than that, or even non specific at all, the evening is more children-involved but we get to have a lie until until 9am new time on the sunday the clocks go back [smug]

You pays your money and you takes your choice.

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