I feel like I suddenly hate my husband and blaming him for everything.. is this normal (8 month old ds)

[tectchywithhubby]

.. there are lots of things, like a house which needs a lot doing to it (it's a medium term project but I'm losing the will with it as it's impossible to keep clean and is not baby-friendly).. and then I'm going back to work, the inlaws are threatening to move closer (to within 2 miles), and I'm just knackered..

my concern is, I blame dh for all of this - the house project can't be tackled much more quickly as we have to save whilst paying few debts off etc (like everyone these days). The problem is DH is so manyana manyana (sp?) = and I need a tangible goal

and I just feel that he doesn't take me seriously, almost laughs.

I'm just no longer sure how rational I'm being, and maybe I"m depressed or something - feel paniccy and can't cope, and sad now ds has started nursery..

is this normal at this point with a 'new' baby? I feel it would be easier to walk away from dh. I truly feel like I blame him and almost ! hate! him for all this!

your not to blame we all got hrough it and we do come out the other side

just communicate how your feeling rather than blaming took me along time to realise this just telling him how run down or worried about things i am stopped alot of fights a s he wasnt a mind reader didnt know i was struggling or needing help an di just took it all out on him

it really does get better if you feel depressed dont be afraid to speak to hv or gp

its ok to want things done but remember its done quicker working together rather than just getting on to someone as he too could be feeling the stress so tending to stay layed back to stop it

good luck

Poor you. It is so tiring having a baby (dd is 5.5 mths). I know that when I a tired, I hate everyone and anything (apart from dd) and get really arsey with DH and really miserable. Also, you must be sad at going back to work and leaving your baby. I am dreading it and not going back until end March.
You need to speak to your DH and make him understand how upset and unhappy you are and that you need to sit down and ake a plan. I also need to know what is going on and get very stressed out if I don't.
Good luck-it is all very normal so don't worry about that. All my friends have had huge arugments with dh during the first yr or so of having a baby.

I don't know what the answer is, but am in a similar situation. have been doing renovations to the house for past 2 years. Loft conversion, kitchen and dining room knocked into one, gutted and new kitchen etc. Apparently it's 'my project' thus explaining the antipathy/laziness from DP. I deal with the designs, estimates, builders, order supplies, haul in the ton (literally) of tiles into the house, pay everyone, and do the painting in spare time..

Did I mention that we have 2 DC; DD (2.3 and DS 7 months), I am retraining and going to London several times in the month, although DP will do things if I ask him to...

I think it's been nesting on a massive scale, but am resentful that the whole project is mine. He doesn't see that the work needs to be done. But he was happy to live with woodchip on the walls

Someone told me (or I may well have read it on here!) that you shouldn't split up with your partner within two years of having a baby because everything is so stressful with the demands of having a small child to look after, so its not the right time to make big decisions about relationships, etc. I know you're probably not thinking about actually splitting up but I can understand how stressed you must be, I've been in a similar situation with trying to do up a house while looking after small child, worries about money, etc and poor DP always seems to get the brunt of my anger and upset because he's the one closest to me. He sounds quite similar to your DH in that he's quite laid back about getting the house done whereas I like to make a plan and know roughly when things will be done by - and I find it really stressful.

Me and DP find ourselves 'competing' about who is the most stressed/most tired/doing the most work/etc and have been through stages where we are resenting each other. Recently we found that we'd got into this situation again (DS is 2 now) and had a huge talk to try and sort things out. I think talking about it (even when you just feel like walking out!) is really important so that you feel like you're both on the same side. Then you can find out about how he feels about everything (I was surprised when I talked to my DP that he was feeling depressed too - I'd been assuming it was just me and he was fine) and maybe come to some compromise about things that need doing and sorting out problems, etc.

Hope you manage to work through it.

I felt the same when my baby was a few months old, everything about my husband pissed me off. We were having a stressful time (his mum was quite ill) and whenever he said anything I'd find myself thinking thoughts like "you're a bloody idiot" or "right then, what the hell do you know anyway"... it went on for several months, and while I'm not saying he was blameless as we were both very stressed, I do feel a lot of it was me because I was really suffering from post-natal depression and anxiety and there were days when I hated all the world. Please do get some help if you can, perhaps speak with a therapist or inquire about anti-depressant medication. It's complete crap not feeling happy when you have a new baby - it's tough enough without your thoughts and feelings all in a stew and you need all the support you can get. I do think you might mention to your husband that it isn't helpful for him to laugh at you or not take you seriously. I did finally say to my husband that I couldn't be arsed to tell him anything significant if he was only going to dismiss me and he smartened up after a few reminder. Big hugs to you, love.

exhaustion makes everything worse, and exhaustion is a given with a small baby let alone a house renovation as well (we had the same when my ds was the same age)
als something about having dcs seems to amplify any niggles about who does what in a relationship (suddenly you are shoved nto the domestic role where everything in the house seems to be your responsibility while dh is responsible for the interesting things like work)
sit your dh down and talk, especially about the things that are under his control (eg the inlaws who are cleearly causing you stress - is that because they come round too much or interfere too much and you think it'll be worse if they are nearre? cos if so he could make them back off, usefully).
and make mental vow to park all thoughts of divorce until your dc are over 2! that's the earliest you will be feeling rational again...