Please come and help me with stategies to deal with my stroppy 6 year old...

[yesmynameisigglepiggle]

...says it all really. He has out grown all my other strategies. Naughty step/ room (' I will just play in my room') I sometimes shout and that works, but need something more long term, thanks

We still use time out in room - DC 9 and 7, and they are NOT angels! It works because it give me time to calm down as well as them and I can reiterate what I want/not when I tell them they can come down - if they don't comply, they go back....

What if he plays? Still gives you the opportunity to calm down, etc.

yes good point. He has just started saying 'No I am not going' which riles me and then I shout and he goes. Am wondering about star charts or pocket money. Issues at the moment are he has started to tell fibs and back chat! AAAgh! Also fighting with his brother.

If you haven't tried star charts then they are definitely worth a go.

Pocket money (and denying it) is the only thing that really works on my ds (6.75)

He's a mercenary bugger

You can incorporate pocket money into a start chart. They can earn so much for every star or set number of stars they get.

pocket money is tricky as he earns his money and I say once he has earned his £2 it can't be taken off him, that is his money no matter what. Can't explain why but it just doesn't feel right. Doyou think I am being a bit soft???!!

yes !
Of course you can take it back !

You are in charge
You make the rules

If you dont want to fine him with money then you can remove other privileges like tv/computer/ps2/favourite toys/ going to bed early etc. I think that these things work best though if you focus on the positives as much as possible - so allow him to earn treats etc for good behaviour as well as losing them for bad behaviour.

Thanks. He doesn't watch TV or play on the computer (strange child) but loves football cards and magazines. Don't like taking the magazines off him because it keeps him reading. Maybe when he is good get him football cards or threaten no cards or trip to the shop next week. It is just really hard to get any consistency when I am in the thick of it. Like the other day he put his foot out to trip DS2 up and I was horrified. It was in public so I couldn't send him to his room or shout. I just really feel out of my depth sometimes

My ds (8) has ADHD and AS so bad behaviour whilst out is pretty much par for the course for us. It is possible to use timeout in these situations but obviously its much more difficult. I do things like make him walk holding my hand or the trolley if we are shopping (I try to avoid shopping with him though) and if outside to play etc then he has to sit down near me for a period of time. If timeout isn't practical then he loses PS2 time (which he loves) or has to go to bed early. We find that using a system where he gets 3 warning works quite well although he often pushes his luck by keeping up the bad behaviour until just before we get to 3.

How about a star chart with football cards.

Suggest blitzing one particular thing e.g. not hurting brother (although your meant to put is as a positive so maybe - being kind to brother) - divide day into 4 time zones e.g. morning, afternoon, after school, bedtime & then he can earn a footy card for each zone that he gets through without hurting brother.

We have found with DS(7) that if we do this for a few days it focuses the mind and the behaviour in question diminishes a bit. It also gives you something else to do other than shouting.

Obviously they start doing it again after a while but it does all help a bit.

6-y-o boys can be really, really horrible (I know - I have one). My DS is capable of being really foul, and DD is often the target for foulness. As DS doesn't watch TV or play computer games, pocket money is our attempt to make him behave like a reasonable person (fines go on a sliding scale from 5p to 50p depending on the gravity of the offence). He would get £2 per week if he ever kept that much; he has been known to go down to minus 5p!!!

So I have nothing much to add, other than sympathy...

(I understand about your DS earning the pocket money and you therefore not wanting to take it away - I wouldn't want to either. Could you introduce a system whereby he earns half of it and you give him the other half depending on his behaviour?)

Think I may give him pocket money and then maybe have a 5p jar to build up/down so he can buy a pack of football cards when he has enough.

Today he ran upstairs crying. He said Dh has pushed him off the sofa and hurt him so I ran down, later I found DS has lied about this and was crying because he had said he couldn't have any football cards today. I was mortified as I had sided with DS. I hate lying. How on earth do you deal with it and where on earth do you lokk for support in things like this?

Apart from here of course

Iggle - it is horrible, and I don't know how to deal with it. My DS also fibs (not to put too fine a point on it), so I now don't believe anything unless I've seen or heard it for myself. He sometimes says DH has done x, y or z, and my standard reply now is: "it's between you and Daddy; you and Daddy have to sort it out" (then I try to get the story out of DH later - though he's not entirely reliable in these matters either once he and DS have got into an argument!!!)

We went down the star chart route about a year ago and it worked for a while, but then lost effect.

What kind of things does he accuse your DH of? Are they daggers drawn, or is he much stricter than you and he feels that if he tells you he'll get away with it...?

My DS went thru a phase of lying, or not telling the whole truth, but we worked hard on the importance of being trustworthy - less punititve if he had obviously owned up...
I think it is crucial that you and DH have same boundaries and communicate alot about the DC's behaviour.

My DS is still very difficult at times - very easily frustrated/bored, and then starts being agrumentative, etc...

It is definitely that DH is more 'strict' , or deals with things differently. I like negotiation and postive discipline (not wlways what I do though) but DH is quick to say get to your room. With no warnings. He is so much more strict because he is the eldest, Ds a year younger.

Good point about being trustworthy. Never thought of it like that. I will speak to him about how important that I can trust him so I can give hime responsibility. Thanks!

FWIW he has been lovely today. Problems are most often after school.