Would you be fed up with this child?

[navelgazer]

I pick up a friend's DD from school (in Reception)and she comes back to play with my DD (Y1). She also comes for a sleepover sometimes. I have seen her weekly since she was 2. Although has always been reserved to me and DH she used to look at us and speak to us occasionally. Since about a year ago (she's now 4.9)she started by refusing to kiss me goodbye (i was fine with this) which has slowly transformed into almost always refusing to look at me, respond to me in anyway and now she has started to talk to me in a rude way e.g demanding a drink in a rude tone. When I or DH pick her up from school she refuses to look at us, will not answer any greeting/question or responds in an unfriendly way e.g shall I hold your bag? is answered with a abrupt NO! Although she is a reserved child she mixes very well and I am sure she is not angry about her parents not picking her up. In fact she gets annoyed if she can't come to our house.

We pick her up because her parents can't and we like them and want to continue doing so because our DD is an only and really enjoys playing with her. However, tbh we are really starting to dislike her. She is still in the first term of Reception and I know DD got a bit of an attitude in term 1 too, however, this started before she started school.

She adores our DD and copies every noise move etc that DD makes (that is quite irritating too tbh)

Is this just a phase, is she just a reserved child or is she just plain rude and annoying? I am leaning to the last atm and am on verge of talking to parents but I don't want them to feel bad as they already feel a bit bad about us picking her up (even tho I tell them it's ok) and DD would be upset if she stopped coming to oour house.

Hi, I have a friend with a little boy who does all the things you have mentioned in your post and he has Aspergers. I wonder if there is something underlying with the little girl that hasn't been picked up on yet.

blimey

the kiddy is so little, and maybe there are things happening that are making her behave like this.

maybe you should ask her parents??

I think you need to be the adult here. There are always lots of opinions on here about disciplining other people's children but if her parents aren't around you don't have much choice. I'm sure if your daughter misbehaved you would deal with it, and you have to have the same approach to both when you are looking after them together, otherwise your daughter is going to wonder why on earth her friend is getting away with it when she wouldn't!

It's odd that she won't look at you though. I wonder if she resents the fact that she doesn't see her Mum as much as your dd sees you. My nephew used to be a bit like this and I think it was because i was showering ds with cuddles and kisses and obviously he felt left out. Could it be jealousy do you think?

she sounds very normal to me so i think cut her some slack

• my dd is shattered after school and just wants to watch tv so perhaps this one is tired and just wants to be at home? especially as we are only a week away from half term break 0 they need the rest

i dont think they do want to talk to other people's mums that much tbh - when my dd has friends over I tend to stay out of the way and just give them food - i ask the odd question but they tend to look a bit shy and give their answers to my dd - even the ones Ive known since babyhood.

is there no way the parents can adjust their working pattern to pick her up more? she sounds tired and fed up with it - perhaps they need to know this? eg you could say - 'she is looking forward to half term - she seems not her usual self - very tired...'

perhaps she feels comfortable with you after all this time but doesnt know how to show it?

My ds behaves this way with some of my friends. One of my friends, in particular, tends to respond to this by raising her voice and becoming plainly irritated. My little boy (4.9 too) withdraws further into himself.

He is very happy and chatty with his peers, he is just very reserved around adults that he is a bit shy with.

Also, as newgirl says, my ds is shattered after school and it is difficult enough as his mum to get much sense out of him!

I don't think that being annoyed with her is going to get you very far tbh...

Thanks for the response which are quite mixed. No I haven't been at all annoyed with her, in fact the opposite I have been quite patient but have recently started feeling less so. I was and still am shy, my whole family was and so is DD and some of her other friends, so I am used to shyness but find this girl difficult. If people are shy I will not push it I will leave them to themselves but I sometimes have to speak to her if only to offer her a drink and her response is often abrupt and unfriendly. I have definitely already cut her some slack as DD was a nightmare when she started reception - rude, demanding etc However this started before she went to school and she is like this when we meet her at the weekend too! I am thinking I will just start some gentle suggestions about how to answer offers etc while she is in my house - as far as I am aware aspergers has never been mentioned in the 2 years I have known her

as you know her so well, can't you remind her to be polite?
or talk to parents if it carries on after holidays.