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Original poster

Disappointed that my first attempt to arrange a playdate at my ds's new school was unsuccessful

22 replies

espares · 20/10/2008 22:11

My ds has been at his new school for about 5 weeks now and he is quite fond of one particular boy in his class and they are good friends.
My ds has been asking for this boy to come back and play after school one of the days and I mentioned to this boys mom on friday just gonethat my ds would love her ds to come and play on monday today after the weekend she responded then while my ds was with me by saying that she doesn,t know what she is doing as she has an older daughter who she takes to this and that.
Well of course my ds has been eager all weekend looking forward to having this friend back today despite me saying that it isn,t confirmed and he shoudln,t get his hopes up.
Today the pair of them come bounding out together my ds excited thinking that this boy will be coming to our house.
My ds being my ds kept asking is he coming then and I knew that if he was the boys mom would have discussed it with me.
I did howvere mention it again to her but again she made excuses all very nicely though that she was very busy with this and that and turned to my ds and said that we will sort it after the holiday as we are all very busy with after school clubs etc.
I looked at my ds's face and could see how disappointed he was and he was terrible when we got home looking very sorrowful.
I know that he would still very much love this boy to come but I would feel a fool to keep pushing it with this mom and I get the feeling that it will never come off.
Would you bother asking someone about a playdate again if this was the reaction that you got each time, I know that people can lead busy lives but do you think I am flogging a dead horse with this woman and she is fobbing us off.
I do feel a bit disppointed that my first attempt at arranging a playdate has gone like this.

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ScareyBitchFeast · 20/10/2008 22:14

how mean.
we do ahve busy lives but going to someone else's house is a blessing - i fob mine off having friends over quite a bit, but if someone asks them to tea i am happy for them.

Lizzylou · 20/10/2008 22:16

Maybe she just felt she didn't know you well enough yet?
Maybe invite her over as well?

Original poster

espares · 20/10/2008 22:18

I know god my ds is rarely asked anywhere but if he was I would jump at it.
I just don,t understand moms like this at all what is the problem.
I thought that maybe she was thinking that she wouldn,t be able to get her ds from mine at a certain time because she would be out so I even said to her I would take him bring him back but again I got the we will sort it after the holiday.
I feel bad for my ds but I am so reluctant to bother asking again.

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ScareyBitchFeast · 20/10/2008 22:19

well perhaps they are really busy and stuff this week, how about in the holidays?
did you swap numbers?

Original poster

espares · 20/10/2008 22:19

Maybe Lizzylou you could be right maybe I am being too harsh about her.

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Original poster

espares · 20/10/2008 22:22

we didn,t swap numbers it sort of puts me off when people react like this anyway.
I am quite a shy person and not too good at this sort of thing and don,t want to keep pestering her about it.

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PeaMcLean · 20/10/2008 22:22

Ooh, it's hard work isn't it. I don't know why it turns out to be such hard work but I share your pain on this. Don't be discouraged though, have
another go. You're doing all the right things and playdates can just be a nightmare to set up. Persevere, if you can.

ScareyBitchFeast · 20/10/2008 22:23

it isyour ds that wants the friendship not you- hold your head up high, or try someone else

Original poster

espares · 20/10/2008 22:25

I don,t know why it has to be so difficult arranging playdates its very simple really.
I think many moms are not used to their ds being asked on a playdate more than what we realise.

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edam · 20/10/2008 22:28

Oh dear. I think it was a mistake to let ds think this boy was coming on Monday.

Don't assume the other mother is brushing you off - she could well be telling the truth about being busy. But don't bring it up again, either, until a little time has gone by, or you'll come across as a bit pushy.

Original poster

espares · 20/10/2008 22:29

I asked my ds if there is someone else and we will try and sort one out with them.
However he was so put out and unhappy about it all that that suggestion was thrown in my face.

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Flum · 20/10/2008 22:31

Yeah definately persevere and offer to drop the boy home at a time when the other mum will be back from after school stuff with her daughter.

The logistics of playdates can be tricky.

Original poster

espares · 20/10/2008 22:32

Yes thats my worry edam I will leave it now for a while and not say anything else on the matter.
Maybe I jumped in too soon I know my ds will be plaging me again about this but he will just have to bide his time with the playdates.
I feel bad has at his last school he used to have quite alot.

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seeker · 20/10/2008 22:36

I have an older child and live out of town so it is a bit difficult for me to arrange playdates for my ds - sometimes I just can't do it if I'm in taxi mode for dd and her friends. I'm sure she wasn't giving her the brush off - she was just busy. I think it's very important to be definite about dates - say something like "Could Freddy come to tea on Monday? I'll pick him up from school with Harry, then I'll drop him home at 6.30 if that would help" I LOVE it if people offer to drop ds home - it makes my life so much easier!

katch · 20/10/2008 22:38

You could suggest to your DS, if he's adamant, that he asks his friend to speak to his mum - stress that it can't be done without her permish (but that never worked for me).
Last time I was in a similar situation, by the time the princess mother had 'checked her diary' my DS had gone off the boy, as he'd started being mean to him in school. (He was 7 and a new boy at the time).

Original poster

espares · 20/10/2008 22:44

Oh god sometimes I find it quite stressful I think everyone must have a great social life lined up for their child so no need for playdates.
I have felt alot in the past like I have been the only one to bother.

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ShrinkingViolet · 20/10/2008 23:02

FWIW, there is only one day I can do for children coming back as we have a lot of other afterschool stuff, so it could simply be that the other mum had a lot on. I find the best approach is to say straight out, "what days are good for you", and as someone else said, offer to drop back.

sinkingfast · 20/10/2008 23:11

What about putting a note in her ds's bookbag with your number, saying you'd be happy to drop her ds back if that would help and too give you a ring to arrange. Then if she doesn't ring, you've got your answer, sadly.

jellybeans · 20/10/2008 23:27

Perhaps she feels she doesn't know you very well, does she know where you live etc? I would invite her with her child first (if your child is very young) and ask her what day is best for that. Mine have all been/go on playdates but I have been reluctant at times if I don't know the family whatsoever. Some people are very overprotective but will come for a coffee with their child and eventually leave and come back.

childrenofthecornsilk · 20/10/2008 23:29

Maybe she just is really busy. Leave it and ask again in a few weeks. She might ask first.

nonamenoname · 20/10/2008 23:32

Don't worry if she has an older child or older children this can be a pain with after school clubs and work etc. I would tell your ds that he will come one day, but in the meantime ask him to see who else he'd like to have for a play. Better to gather a group of friends to mix with anyway. Ask two of them even on the same night.

twinsetandpearls · 20/10/2008 23:38

I have just had a similar situation as we invited someone from dd new class for tea and we had no comeback. DD was very upset but perhaps it was too soon. Like noname said a group seems an easier step than having one friend so we have planned a halloween party and invited about 12 kids. Dp had a chat with the mum who seemed to have blanked the invite and she said that over the holidays we could each do a sleepover.

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