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Parenting

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Original poster

Feel such a crap mum today.

17 replies

Thankyouandgoodnight · 16/10/2008 20:47

Not much sleep last night - busy 12 week old.
DD is 21 months
Both are a dream
...so why do I get so short with DD when she does even the tiniest thing 'wrong'.

e.g. today she purposely ran away from me in to the road (bless her, it's just a game to her) and I totally over reacted by telling her off and putting her in to her buggy. She's too young for this approach I know but I was just so cross. There were two other mums there whose DCs did the same thing (they were all in a group) and they just went for the distraction option and I felt so bad for my DD. Then later on she kept doing something i'd asked her not to and so I was really really short with her. I am feeling so guilty and horrible.

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BBBee · 16/10/2008 20:50

you have a tiny tiny baby.

these things happen and you are tired becuase you are looking after your family.

the reason you feel guilty is beacuse you are a really nice person - a horrid person wouldn't care.

you are also tired so you need to stop thinking about this and anything important or big and just browse about on here.

please be nice to yourself. I look back and wish i was easier on myself when dd was very little - so do it for me.

twentynine · 16/10/2008 20:51

I have a 13 week old and 2 year old - I can relate exactly to this situation.

The thing is you panic because you have so much going on in your head and you are so knackered that the slightest things sets you off. DD said today 'mummy cross' I felt awful.

But on the plus side the bad days are outweighed by good days and I always make sure we have some time together (me and DD) as well as spending solo time with DS when she's gone to bed.

I'm guessing things will get easier in about three months for me - you are three months behind me with your DD and honestly it is easier now than three months ago with her.

You'll get there. You aren't a crap mum, you've just had a bad day

Hassled · 16/10/2008 20:57

I think getting cross with a child who runs into the road is absolutely fine. Distracting techniques may be a short-term solution, but it doesn;t actually get the message across to the child that running into a road is NEVER a game and is absolutely unacceptable. A strong reaction from you is much more likely to stop it than just distracting attention away from what is actually a really big deal. I think your reaction was a good one.

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Original poster

Thankyouandgoodnight · 16/10/2008 20:58

Thank you so much. She really is a treasure though and very soft natured. I always make sure we have a big chunk of quality time each day and so far so good but it's as if I'm just a fair weather parent - I can't seem to tolerate anything other than perfect behaviour at the moment and that's just unreasonable and unfair. I feel awful and yet do it again and again. What's the matter with me?!

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nell12 · 16/10/2008 21:00

You reacted well. At 21 months your dd is old enough to understand NO. She will not run into the road again... purely due to your reaction. Surely that is a good thing.

This is a tiring and stressful time for you; try not to set too high standards for yourself, you will just be setting yourself up for a fall.

Your dd still loves you. Get some sleep tonight and start tomorrow (after the night feeds ) afresh.

Lilyloo · 16/10/2008 21:03

Thankyou know where your coming from.
I have ds , dd1 and dd2!
DD2 8 9 mths still up every couple of hours dp away and i am doing it alone!
I have been so short with ds today and heard him tell dd1 in the bath while i was feeding dd2 that i don't like him feel awful know it's tiredness and he is just being a little boy but guilt hits hard!

beansontoast · 16/10/2008 21:05

it's a temporary grouchiness brought on 'tiredness' (understatemnt)

your lovely little dd will be justa justa fine (with what doesnt sound like too harsh a reaction in th escheme of things...prob spot on infact)

it was bad luck that you were able to witness two other women do what you would have liked to have done...but they have good days and bad days too!

go easy on yourself...no one else will

Anifrangapani · 16/10/2008 21:10

I go all shouty when mine run into the road. Next time there may be a car comming along.

They have got the message and no longer run into the road.

Give it 12 months and your friends who did the distraction method will be wondering why their kids still run out while your dd doesn't.

Original poster

Thankyouandgoodnight · 16/10/2008 21:11

Actually that's a good point - DH has been away for work all week so I;ve been on my own BUT as I'm a SAHM (maternity leave) and breast feeding, that doesn't actually make any difference him being here or not except for company in the evenings. I am shattered today but bless them - for once they both slept at the same time at lunch time and I got a 1.5 hour kip in but still feel horrendously tired. It's obviously all catching up on me. I might go to bed in a mo!

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Lilyloo · 16/10/2008 21:15

Thankyou tiredness does puch you to your limits!
Actually am same as you still on mat leave and bf but miss dp as he did the early morning shift when dd2 wakes at 6am!
It does pass but it's hard and even someone to offload on in an evening helps!

BoffinMum · 16/10/2008 21:20

I'm a terrible parent when tired. I'm amazed any of my kids have made it this far, and that they still like me! But at least they haven't turned into roadkill. Better than they're in one piece and you're cross than the gruesome alternative. BTW have you read "1-2-3 Magic"? It's a bit cheesy and American but has some good tips about getting offspring sorted out how you want them.

twentynine · 16/10/2008 21:43

Bollocks it doesn't - you need someone to help you vent decompress once you've got the toddler to bed and actually knowing someone else is going through it too helps. So your DH being away will not be helping and will make a difference

Get some sleep, things look brighter if you've had more than 20 minutes a night I find

Original poster

Thankyouandgoodnight · 16/10/2008 21:50

I've just googled the 1-2-3 magic - what is that actual crunch bit? Do you count 1-2-3 and if they haven't done / stopped doing whatever it is then there's a punishment or something?

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Lilyloo · 16/10/2008 21:50

Lol at twentynine i agree if i had soemone who could take over sleep time i would but seeing as i don't i am resigned to being 'crap mum'!

twentynine · 16/10/2008 22:11

Actually I sort of meant, I don't mind suffering sleep deprivation but if DH is having a lovely night's sleep in a posho hotel while I'm being drenched in babysick and wailed at, I mind, (quite a bit too).

Lilyloo · 16/10/2008 22:17

twentynine (lol) i mind too !

cory · 17/10/2008 09:58

You're tired, tired, tired. Perfectly normal. One thing you could do is to try to anticipate as much as possible. E.g. put your dd on reins so she can't run into the road. (I wouldn't rely on her never to do it again just because you blew your top). Remove anything she must not break.

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