Is 42 too old to have another child? Advice from Older Mums please

[mumma2cjh]

I had a miscarriage 6-7 years ago which hit e qut bad. Threw myself into work and having a great time, got married and 3 years ago had a gorgeous boy who I had when I was 38. (Had a bit of a scare when I was pregnant but everything turned out fine).

Just gone back to work 2 days a week on my terms, very flexible, can even choose the days I want to work. I thought I was blessed and happy with one. However Ive lately been thinking about having another baby before its too late...I wodl be 42 years old. Many of my friends had Baby No. 2 over a year ago so I dont think its that.

I do worry that risks are higher over 35 and this puts me off....I just keep thinking I need to make a choice now before its too late.

Just wondering how other older Mums feel about this?

I had ds at 38 and dd at 41. Dd was an unexpected blessing (weirdly we seem to be as fertile as ferrets) and now she's here it's great. BUT life is harder than before and if it hadn't been for a careless moment, I would have been very happy with one and counted myself very fortunate to have a happy and healthy child. We would have had a lot more time and money too!

Had ds1 at 38 and ds2 at 41. It is harder with two but I just really, really wanted the second one. For me, our family felt truly complete once we had ds2 but of course many families work well with an only child.

You just have to go with your gut on this one.

only experience i have of this is my aunt who had a "drunken accident" at 41.

she already had 2 boys and felt her family was complete when ds3 happened.

i know she finds it tough and has resented how much she has had to give up in her personnal life. her older boys were both at school when number 3 came along so she said it was like starting all over again (plus she had terrible pnd)

i think your case is totally diffrent though as you dont feel your family is complete.

I think the difference between having a second when your first child is 3, when you yourself are say 32 and when you are 42 is really the fact that there are increased risks of abnormalities. You said you had a scare when you were pregnant, and obviously at 38 last time round the doctors and midwives must have been talking to you to some extent about the risk factors. You should maybe think through how you feel about that whole area - what did you feel when you had the scare? How would you feel if tests showed a high risk of Downs? Do you feel you'd cope well with a pregnancy if there were problems?

42 isn't too old - back before family planning plenty of women were still having children at that age - but it's old enough to increase the risks.

I dont have this URGE to have another child but feel it would be lovely...quite often our DS will say "Mummy please come and play with me" or constantly wants our attenion but hey I suppose thats part of being parents to one....I sometimes feels it would be great for him to have a sibling to play with etc...

Life is great at the moment, Im earning again therefore not so much pressure on Hubby, we can do holidays abroad each year, work is fantastic as I can pick the days I WANT to work, and DS is with Hubby (he works shifts) when I do so no child care problems etc...

I think deep, deep down I wont have another child and am feeling "sad" about it all plus perhaps feeling a little old at 41!!!! However this isnt a reason to have B No. 2 is it?

I had my first DD at 41 and my second at 43.
I was obviously very aware of the risks, but they are actually still quite small (although obviously larger than for younger women). Other than that, my girls have been an amazing, positive experience, and I feel very lucky. I do worry a little about being around for them (both my parents died young), but I'm fit and healthy and really don't feel any different to the other mothers around me. Luckily I live in an area where older mothers are very common, which does make me feel less of an oddity.

I had dd1 at 38 and expecting dd2 am 40 . Dc 2 was very much wanted by both and despite feeling older I don't think I am any more tired/ exhausted than mums 20 yrs younger than me. My only regret is that I might not be a spring chicken grandparent but I aim to run at sports days and participate whatever my age. Dd1 is the best thing that I have ever done and am hoping that dd2 will bring as much joy and happiness. Yes have made sacrifices and will make more, short range hols not long - more 3x2 at supermarkets but quite frankly am not bothered!!!

I had dd at 43 and tried for another but I'm just too old. Ah, if I was 'only' 42 ...

You do need to think through what you would do about the increased risks - but actually - I think all parents should think about that. The odds of abnormalities are never zero.

I know loads of older mums. I recently had my second child at the age of 36 and would like at least one more.

I would say go for it. 42 is not old these days

In an ideal world (with more money, a bigger house and a combined parental age of a lot less than it is), I would have gone for no. 3. Had no. 2 just before my 40th b-day. Decided that aside from the considerations mentioned above, there was no way I could risk it. Risk increases significantly in every way after 40 and I couldn't be doing with all the testing etc. I worry too much. OTOH, I have friends who have done the biz in their mid and even late 40s and it's all gone fine. Personally, I also don't much care for being the most ancient mum when I pitch up at preschool/ reception. Trick is, to make your decision and be happy with it, whichever way you decide!

hi, i am 42 yrs and am currently 25 weeks with my second one. DS is 4 yrs old. so like you, i had my first child at 38.
i cannot imagine doing things any different! DH and I just were not ready to have a family earlier on! we have been together since we were in our early 20s!

seriously, i am having the best pregnancy - well, if you discount, hands and feet swelling, tiredness, nausea...

My mum had me when she was 42 - and that was 42 years ago this Saturday. Happy birthday to me!!!

My mum was a lot older than my friends' as we were growing up - however it didn't seem as bad as my dad - he was 50 when I was born.

My childhood was different - but happy. And I've turned out all right. tic tic tic tic

I am 44 years old and pregnant with DC No.2. DD is 5 years old so it did take a long time to become pregnant again! But I have had a good pregnancy, no high blood pressure, no diabetes, despite all the doom mongers will tell you about being pregnant in your 40's.

Good luck!

I think it very much depends on the individual, esp as far as health, energy etc are concerned, as well as how you feel about the increased risks associated with later pgs.

I had ds1 at 39 and ds2 at 40. I'm now 42, and would have liked a third, but after 2 Em CS and having two so close together I really don't think I have the energy to start all over again at at least 43. But I know others who have, and have no regrets about it.

However, I did really want a sibling for ds1, especially as we are both older parents, so the very happy accident that is ds2 actually worked out brilliantly for us, as I'm sure it would have been more and more difficult for us to choose a 'right' time to have a second as time went on.

I had ds2 at 41 after needing ivf and the pregnancy was much easier than the one I had when I was 35 I really wnated that second child and I thnk I would have been very sad if it hadn't happened (allbeit with the help of medical science)

god i hope not. We are ttc #6, and i have just turned 42.

go for it. x

Nah...42 isn't too old!

I had DD1 at 41 and got preggie with DD2 while celebrating my 42 birthday I'm now 43 and have 2 under 2

There are a fair few of us gorgeous 40 somethings on a thread in the Pregnancy message board (hello Heron22)I think most of us have at some time had concerns about being a bit older than your average mum but I don't think we're noticing any real age-affected problems.

I'd really not worry too much about any risks. Getting pregnant is fraught with risks whatever age.

If you've got the inclination and energy then go for it!x

I had my DS at 41 and I didn't have any tests at all. You don't have to have any tests, no matter how old you are.

Had DD at 40 (the biggest and best surprise EVER ) and DS (rather more planned!) at 43. Both were easy pregnancies and births and now at 46 I'm running around like a loon with school/pre-school/trampolining/swimming/gymnastics/friend's for tea etc. Don't feel old, just frazzled at times but think that happens at any age!

Got a bit bullied into a few tests with DD but had none with DS, there are MANY things you can't test for and we were keeping those babies regardless. That is very personal though and you need to make the decisions that are right for you.

My BF had her two at 40 and 44, she is one of the best and happiest Mums I know. Energetic, too.

And I finally had dd1 at 43 after loads of miscarriages (with the help of medical science), and to my ongoing amazement dd2 at 46. She's 2 now, and yes I'm tired, but its all so good!

Ideally, I'd have had my kids a little younger (42 for dd2, for instance ) but I had no choice. My family live a long time, and are healthy, so I hope I have the right genes to do the same - and thats all any of us can hope for, I guess.

The risks over 35 are greater for infertility, risk of miscarriage etc...but the risks for genetic problems (if thats what you're talking about) slowly increase after 35 then leap up at 44/45, I believe. Though your chances of having a healthy baby are still much higher than not.

Both my pregnancies were fine, though I had high blood pressure postpartum for a few weeks. Good luck with your decision, I know from experience its not an easy one!