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Original poster

When is it worthwhile teaching "please" and "thank you"?

29 replies

MrsJamin · 12/10/2008 20:21

Have a friend who is insisting that her (just turned) 1 year old DC signs please and thank you in the appropriate way - i.e. won't receive anything/food until he signs please. Surely it's too early for insisting on manners? Am I being lazy by not being bothered about it for ages (I have a 9 MO)? It just seems a bit odd to me. When did you teach your DC to 'say' please or thank you?

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Anna8888 · 12/10/2008 20:23

My daughter's first word was thank you - because she had heard me say it to her so often. It is never too early to be polite to your children

Marina · 12/10/2008 20:26

They should be hearing it from you and the other adults and children around them anyway, so never too young IMO. Becomes second nature.

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 12/10/2008 20:27

erm think DS was about 18 months is, for 'ta'

DS is 2.5 and only now getting please - well I say what's the magic word n he says... 'ppppplllllll, please' (can't you tell I guide him!)

but thank you I say to him after everything, 'what do you say' DS- fank oo mummy!

like anna thou said it to DS all the time from the off really.

my thoughts are manners cost nothing and I will NOT have an ill mannered child!

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janeite · 12/10/2008 20:27

I think that as soon as they can talk, they should be encouraged to say it - and that they should have been hearing it from when they were tiny anyway.

Traceless · 12/10/2008 20:27

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RuthChan · 12/10/2008 20:28

I taught my DD to say please and thank you at about 1.8, ie at about the stage in her speech development that she was ready to actually say the words. However, she had heard them around her from the beginning and therefore picked them up quite quickly.
She's now 1.11 and I'm currently struggling to get a 'no thank you' rather than just 'no' all the time.
I agree that it's never too early to teach your children manners.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 12/10/2008 20:29

I'm a stickler for please and thank you. We taught our daughter "ta" for thank you which my FIL was against saying it would be difficult for her to drop the ta and pick up the full thank you when she was talking, but she had no problems.

CharCharBaGOOOOOOORE · 12/10/2008 20:29

I've taught DD both words but don't insist she uses them. So if she doesn't say please or thankyou she still gets what she wants but I say the words instead. She says 'yeh peez' a lot but thankyou not so much. I think it's good to start early but not to pressurise them to say it as they don't understand at this age.

mazzystartled · 12/10/2008 20:31

agree with the consensus really, from the outset

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 12/10/2008 20:32

ruth - DS has only been saying that for a few months 'no fanks mummy'

but he hears his poppy say it all the time.

fishie · 12/10/2008 20:34

i was formally polite with ds from the start. not keen on 'ta'.

Overmydeadbody · 12/10/2008 20:34

Children learn by example, and by mimicking adults, so you should be saying please and thank you from day one when interscting with them, they will copy you when they are capable.

I would remind a child of one, rather than insisting on it.

tibni · 12/10/2008 20:34

Agree ASAP. I have a ds with ASD, he has very limited speech but he can say 'pwease', 'ank oo' 'sowy' and 'pardon'. I have have found his manners have broken down barriers,resulted in many smiles and helped him be accepted.

HeinzEVILSight · 12/10/2008 20:36

I strictly insist my two older DC say please and thank you, they're 11 and 9. DD is 12 months and I encourage her to sign please and thank you by ME doing it, I wouldn't dream of withholding something until she signed please

PuzzleRocks · 12/10/2008 20:37

DD is 17mths and does not need to be reminded to say either please or thank you. I have encouraged her since she was about 1 year old.

Smithagain · 12/10/2008 22:51

From the outset, by modelling politeness and praising them big time when they remember. But withholding things at that age seems a bit harsh.

And quite honestly, even if they are really good with please and thank you as toddlers, they are quite likely to lose it again when they become stroppy schoolies. Or is that just mine?

At six, DD is generally very good at saying please and thank you automatically. But sometimes she just forgets. And sometimes she is deliberately rude. That is the only time I really give her a hard time about it.

eidsvold · 12/10/2008 22:56

i started very early - signing and then words. At 15 months dd3 could say thank you. Now dd2(3) and dd1(6) do it without prompting and follow up anyone else's than you to them with a you're welcome. Simply because that is what they hear.

They were amongst the first signs we taught the dds. I know dd3 was under 12 months when she would do an approximation of the please sign (a kiss instead!! )

clam · 12/10/2008 23:00

After several hundreds of thousands of prompts and reminders, it becomes second nature. Eventually. Worth it, in my opinion. Finally, when DS was about 7, I got my reward when one of the dinner ladies at school sought me out to tell me how lovely and polite he was, and about the only kid in the school who said please and thankyou. I hope that wasn't true, but it was nice to get the compliment.
I wasn't keen on 'ta' either, however, so we said 'cue' instead for a while.

Plonker · 12/10/2008 23:03

Never too early to learn manners. If you say it to them, they will say it back to you

My 15 month old replies with the sweetest "yes pees" when asked if she wants something

LostGirl · 13/10/2008 06:06

I agree with Heinz, whilst you should definitely set a good example and encourage good manners from the very beginning, to with hold something from a one year old until they say it is not fair IMO.

SuperBunny · 13/10/2008 06:22

DS (3) has almost always said please and thank you - before he could say them, he would sign them. So, from being about 12 months old.

I make sure I am good about using those words myself and, being British, I am known here for my politeness. I think it pays off - people always comment on DS's manners and how charming he is (which he very much needs as a redeeming feature when he turns into a feral creature but that is for another thread...)

At his birthday recently, someone would give him a gift and he would wander over to me and say, "Look mummy, X gave me a present. That was kinda nice of them, wasn't it?" and then, "Fank you Fank you so much for my new present"
and then can I have another one

Nemoandthefishes · 13/10/2008 07:46

am another who taught please and thank you from about 12mths. Now my trio are really good about being polite in any situation and it is always commented on. Never too early for manners

Flamesparrow · 13/10/2008 07:52

encouraging is fine, but withholding food etc should be reserved for getting them to say they love you

I think 18 months upwards is the time to start encouraging more forcefully though.

Nemoandthefishes · 13/10/2008 08:01

oh completely missed the withholding stuff..have never done that just when I gave them something or they asked I would say please or thank you a couple of times..they soon caught on.

Twelvelegs · 13/10/2008 08:02

It was automatic with the beginnings of language...not expecting but always saying it.

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