advice welcome - five week old daughter and routines?!!

[katherine2008]

i feel a bit lost - my adorable 5 week old doesn't really like to settle on her own but will generally be rocked to sleep in our arms before being put down - sometimes we have to do this a few times to ensure success! this is day and night time. she feeds every four hours which seems to work (4 floz) but I feel i should be following a routine for her with sleeping and playing etc as sometimes she won't sleep more than 45 mins between feeds and will cry a lot. should i be following a routine - gina or the baby whisperer - I'm loathe to do BW as we are on four hour feeds not 3 hours now but Gina seems so regimented. And should I be thinking about top up feeding to get her through the night yet? I feel totally inadequate and have a hopeless health visitor. like everyone I'm knackered so I'm sure I should just do what feels right, but part of me feels a failure that she isn't on a routine and I'm worried that if I don't get her on one soon we will have problems in the future... sorry to sound daft

I am a routine junky, but 5 weeks is a bit too soon to expect a routine. She sounds normal to me and you should not feel bad for not havign her in a routine. By about 6 weeks, my ff ds was feeding every 2.5 to 3 hrs int eh day - there tummies are so little.
The baby whispere does have a bit about 3 hr routines iirc. Anyway, the main thing is to know you are doing a fine job and your baby is doing very well to go 4 hrs already. Ds was about 12 weeks before he could do that. You are not stroing up trouble. Don't stress!

Oh, and it takes a few months or so before ethay can nap for any length of time.
It does get easier, btw.

thank you for your kind message - and i know i need to relax a bit, I just don't want to let her down! and i should probably put the books down for a bit!

I agree with nicky, she doesn't need to be in a routine at weeks, try to relax

Hi katherine - my son is 6wks old so I know what you're going through!

My DS sounds more like nicky's - he's feeding every 2.5-3hrs (boys, eh?!) so I'm very jealous that you're managing 4hrs.

I don't know about you but I feel that every tiny decision I make now eg snuggling to go to sleep (me, not him ) once in a while and using a dummy is setting me up for dire consequences in a few months time. But, when I'm less tired I tell myself that this can't really be the case when they're so tiny.

The problem with all these books is that they make you lose confidence in your own decisions and abilities. My mum says that they should be treated like cook books instead of how-to manuals - take the bits you like and ignore the bits you don't!

Def put the books down! They can be evil as well as helpful sometimes. I used the EASY approach, but only loosly - just kept dd to eat, activity, sleep, but not with a set amount of time in between (either 3 or 4 hours, you know?). It worked really well - well, up until about 3 weeks ago (DD now 17months!)...
Trust yourself in what you're doing - relax - you'll be fine and it def gets easier!

Step away from the books!! They plant bad ideas in your head and undermine your natural instincts.

Have you heard of the theory about a "fourth trimester"? The idea is that really human babies need to gestate for a year, but because we have such big brains you couldn't deliver a baby who had been inside for that long, so they are born at 9 months. That means that the first 3 months are really a period of extended growing.

This is actually reflected in many baby manuals, as they tend to say routines only start/work at 3 months.

So relax for the next few weeks, your baby is tiny, do whatever you need to do and reassess at 12 weeks.

And it does get easier! promise

wow you guys are amazing thanks

relax, and enjoy your new baby (congratulations BTW).

she is still tiny, and you and she are still getting to know each other.

go with the flow right now.....sleep as much as you can while she is and when she is awake, maybe pop her in a sling while you catch up with housework, or see how she feels just being down and cooing at something.

housework can wait a little still right now anyway. it will still be there tomorrow, and next week/month even. however, your DD will never be 5wks again.

and you know what, in about 3mths, you will probably wake up one day and realise that you are in a routine without even remembering how you got there

tbh, if she is crying and fretful in between feeds, I would feed on demand..or at least offer a feed to settle her. I only have one babysworth experience, but DS never went 4 hours between feeds at that age.

5 weeks is still teeny tiny and newborn!

Don't beat yourselves up with this awful I'm'setting up a rod for my own back if I do x' mentality. So much of how babies sleep / eat etc is down to their temperament - babies are as individual and different as adults. At this early stage just go with the flow and try to enjoy it.

Agree about putting down the books!

As Dundermifflin said, they often make you feel that anything you do now will be 'storing up trouble for the future' or 'making a rod for your own back'

Baibe schange so much and behaviour evolves as they grow up - they can't learn bad habits at this age.

If you'd prefer a bit of structure - and I do - try starting your day at a set time, say 7 am, and aim to have her in bed at a reasonable time, say between 7 and 8 pm, but I really wouldn't stress too much about what happens in between. Saying that, most babies of that age won't stay awake for more than 1 1/2 - 2 hours at a time, so maybe use that as a basis for your 'routine'

And I'd always offer a feed is she's grizzly or unsettled, even if it isn't technically 'time' yet - just to be sure she's not hungry - their appetites can vary so much day to day, with growth spurts and all.

But it sounds like you're doing a fab job - enjoy it, and listen to your Mum - it sounds like she has the right idea!!!

Whoops - that's Dundermifflin's Mum, not yours - the comment about cookbooks - but I'm sure yours talks sense too!!