I feel like the worst mother on the planet! having problems with dd

[notnuftime]

Hi
Some of you might remember I talked about my dd on here she was told to go on a diet she was only 8 at the time, my dd is taller than her friends at school and she is wider.she has smelly armpits and has spots on her upper arms and face which she is really self concious about.Well school health nurse weighed her today and she is now 9st she is only 9 yrs old!!! My god how/what do I do? I feel like it is my fault but I dont feed her junk food we have home cooked food none of this processed rubbish,she has a small treat from the bakers every thurs, she drinks water we never go to any fast food places.I feel like I have failed as a mum to her.School health nurse has said we have to go to Gp to speak to her about my dd well she will probly say oh yes put her on a diet,I dont want to do that you start the weight issues now and it is a slippery slope (my mum was anorexic).
PLease mumsnetters what do I do that I am not doing already.I thought a peanut butter sandwich when she gets in from school was ok apparently it is not,I have to chuck the milkshake powder juice stuff out it is full of sugar,so after chucking everything out what do I feed her?We have carrot sticks in the fridge I buy a big bag of them and chop them up,same with cucumber and cheese.
We always try to have a bowl full of fruit available being single mum it is pricey, price of grapes has shot up and peaches think it was 69pence for one in our sainsburys!So please help

It does sound like your dd is going through an early puberty. I would make sure she is fully informed about periods etc because they will probably be coming quite soon.

no dd hasn't had any blood tests done.
Last time I went to Gp she suggested putting dd on a diet.I think PCOS runs in families does that mean my mum would of had it? and do I mention that at the Gp's ?
She already has more hair than normal on her lip etc... so hmmm wondering if ahe has got it, if she has then that affects weight makes people gain more because there is more something or other in there body.
There is definatly something going on she has terrible mood swings,the spots,the smelly armpits,the darkening underneath the armpits,the developing chest...hmm..

oh and yes we walk everywhere.

You haven't said whether this is bothering your DD or not, or whether she has asked you any questions about what is going on with her body - this kind of conversation might open the door to a chat about healthy living.

What about making it a joint effort - including your partner and other child (they can have bigger portions if they need it). It might be very difficult for your daughter if she thinks she is eating dfferently from the rest of the family

Does your partner have an active role with the children - does he really work all hours your children are awake at weekends ie could he not take them swimming for half an hour or a bike ride or kick a ball about in the park - even a short regular session of outside activity would be something...

Flapjack is the food of the devil - about 8 grams of fat per portion even if it is home made but delicious

notnuftime on Thu 09-Oct-08 14:13:19
"awww thanks dashboard thats nice to hear makes me feel not too bad.
How do I make healthier flapjacks? I already use lower fat butter?"

Try another biscuit recipe that has more flour and less butter in it.

Also, encourage her to have water or semi-skimmed milk to drink rather than mild-drinks. Juice does contain Vit C, so is healthy but you only need a glassful a day (if you drink it at all), as the body can't process unlimited amounts- and it does contain more calories than water. Tap water is very cheap as I have been pleased to discover.

Boiled spuds better than roast, if you can get her to eat them.

Roast or boiled fish much better than fish fingers. To keep it cheap, I buy a tin of pilchard and stick that in the oven, sauce and all, then serve it with boiled spuds. Or do a pasta sauce with tuna. Frozen coley from the COOP also relatively cheap.

I would definitely let her have a cooked meal in the evening- being hungry only leads to snacking.

I really think you should go to the GP and ask for tests to rule out PCOS or anything else because it does sound like she is relatively active and doesn't over eat.

I believe that there are an awful lot of physical/genetic conditions that do cause some people to be overweight and that controlling their diet has little affect on it - and I say this as someone who has been slim apart from the year I lived in the Netherlands.

How tall is your dd btw?

If your GP is not co-operative I would try and be insistant that your dd is active and does not over-eat and although you are happy to be referred to a dietician for advice/help you feel that there is highly likely to be some hormonal factor involved due to family history.

don't know how tall she is but I am 5ft and she is nearly as tall as me.hope that helps!she comes up to my forehead.

Food sounds ok, just as the others have said, cut portion sizes and fat as far as possible.

Lidl are selling all fruit and veg half price at the moment, I got a big bag of grapes and a punnet of blackberries there for £1.63 today. Bananas are only 38p a kilo - tomatoes 29p for a big punnet, all really good quality as well.

Well she is very heavy for her height then I was huge when I was 9stone (I'm 5' too). Really I would go to the gp and press to get some of the things suggested ruiled out if nothing else.

well I went to Gp and she is going to try to refer us to a dietician to maybe discuss food etc.....
I feel like crying my poor daughter was sat in the room being asked all these questions and she didn't talk much she mumbled answers to the Gp, the Gp asked her if she would like to be thinner and dd just put her head down and wouldn't look at the Gp.
I now feel like I have been ripped and torn apart I feel like all the menu planning all the changing to packed lunches etc...was for nothing I am a cr**p mum!!!!
Sorry

I really feel for you nnt, but try not to blame yourself - you are obviously doing everything you can to help your daugher in a quite difficult circumstances.

The experience at the GP's must have been heartbreaking for you both, but at least it is being addressed now rather than when she is 13/14, when these things seem to take on a much greater significance.

It does sound hormonal - so hopefully by the time she reaches her teens her body will have grown into itself and her friends will be going through similar stuff and it will all even out.

Best of luck to both of you, anyway. Hope things are looking up soon.

Surely the school have some responsibilty here? It was the school nurse who is raising concerns.
As your DD has school dinners, which the government are trying to encourage, they have a duty under 'Healthy schools'. I would visit the head, and insist that your DD is encouraged to play netball ( not just allowed to), also all the others who have been booted out. The school are on very dodgy ground doing this, and I bet they know it!

You are on income support - why should you have to stop school dinners?

thanks for your replies. The reason I stopped her having school dinners was because they are supposed to be having healthy food at school all freshly made etc..... but when talking to my dd and my ds on the way home they said that yes they enjoyed food but now they are in yr 3 and 4 they are allowed seconds.I feel strongly about this and do not agree with it if it is supposed to be so healthy then why are they giving kids seconds!!Also when my ds had school dinners he had a sandwich with say ham in or cheese or egg plus mashed potato or chips on the side not in sandwich..lol...,
I am confused if i give my kids sandwiches at home i give them a plate of salad with sandwich and some fruit not chips or mashed potato.
With my dd's weight problem I was scared of letting her have school dinners because they would have a cooked meal and a pudding afterwards something like choc cake and custard it just seemed all wrong.
Do you think it is worth going in and seeing headmaster explaining what is happening and seeing if he can help anyway ie after school stuff,and asking him to explain school dinners.
Also how do I boost my dd's confidence?
Thank you and I am sorry it is such a long whinge!

My sister was always big as a child & as an adult was diagnosed with PCOS. Mum had her on a strict diet but unfortunately she still put on weight & developed eating issues to boot. As an adult she discovered the PCOS meant she was much better off on a very low carb diet - ie avoiding bread, pasta, instead going for lots of lean meat & salad, brown rice instead of white, etc. Thought it might be worth flagging up when you see the nutritionist in case it's worth considering for your DD?