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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Anyone know a good website for sex education for 9 year olds?

30 replies

LittleBella · 08/10/2008 16:09

At mumsnet instigation, I just asked DS if he had had sex education, knew where babies came from etc.

No, not a clue. Came out with cock and bull (so to speak) such as "you have to get married" and "maybe when people die they get their skin and breathe it in and it makes a baby" (a rather gruesome interpretation of the circle of life) and it becomes clear that he really doesn't have a clue, contrary to people on mn assuring me he would already know by now. He doesn't! So what websites would you recommend? I've got Where Willy Went but that's a bit too babyish I think.

OP posts:

nooka · 08/10/2008 16:24

How would he know if you/his Dad haven't told him? Sex isn't generaly what boys talk about amoungst themselves at that age (Doctor Who, Football, Pokemon maybe ). I've never bothered with books myself, just explained things as we have gone along. You might want a book with diagrams if your son is the sort who like lots of details, but otherwise it's not really required.

nooka · 08/10/2008 16:28

Sorry, was thinking books. No idea about web-sites as I've never thought of using one. I'm sure others will come along with more helpful ideas, but don't be afraid of just talking to him.

coochybottom · 08/10/2008 16:41

I think wait until he wants to know and answer any questions in an age appropriate way. I think he is too young to want/need to know any way.

nooka · 08/10/2008 17:45

Really? Both mine have been asking questions since they were fairly little (say four or five) and my experiences seem similar to many other MNs. My children are now eight and nine and have a pretty good grasp of conception, birth, a bit of genetics, a fair understanding of relationships (why you can't marry your brother, for example). We have talked about menstruation and a bit on masturbation (I asked dh to cover wet dreams), and I've started to talk to them about puberty. Ds has recently "noticed" a girl in a new way (I like her hair, he told me), so I think at nine they are starting to grow up, and need to know about how their bodies are changing and why. Aren't all children interested in where they came from? I did their birth stories years and years ago.

coochybottom · 08/10/2008 18:54

I have a teenage son who was not interested until he was much older than 8/9. I cant remember being asked that much to be honest. I am very open thou and have recently had the condom discussion after I heard him on the phone to his mate about a girl. He is nearly 16. I also have twin boys who are nearly 6 and have only so far been asked " how do you know you are having a baby?" because a friends Mum is pregnant. I didnt go into detail thou as I think they are too young and probably not interested in the biological details.

coochybottom · 08/10/2008 18:56

nooka where are you from out of interest?

nooka · 08/10/2008 19:35

London, but currently living in the US (hence posting at funny times)

coochybottom · 08/10/2008 19:41

Was just wondering if in different parts of the world attitudes/openess might vary. I am English by the way living in England where we are probably less open?

Original poster

LittleBella · 08/10/2008 19:56

I thought there'd be loads of websites but when I googled it just came up with articles about daily mail outrage at sex ed for 5 year olds etc.

Nooka, I thought they might have done it in sex ed at school.

OP posts:

coochybottom · 08/10/2008 20:17

I dont think my eldest son did sex ed at school until he was 11 just before he went to secondary school.Why do you feel he should know about everything now?

Original poster

LittleBella · 08/10/2008 21:28

Well tbh I didn't, but I got told off on a MN thread because everyone said if he's 9 he knows by now. I was a bit surprised, but obediently followed the MN politburo...

OP posts:

coochybottom · 08/10/2008 21:52

Not in my experience. I think kids seem to grow up too fast today as it is. As I said, tell him when he asks in a way that is appropriate for him to understand. I dont agree with making up stuff that is untrue thou to save embarrassment as I have heard of some people doing. Your son is normal IME. I think it is sweet what he said about being married. Not totally off the mark. Just without the intimate details.

Original poster

LittleBella · 08/10/2008 21:56

Yes but I don't really know what's appropriate.

I remember being told about sex at 11 by Rosella O who announced with enormous self-importance that she knew all about sex and would tell us about it if we were all nice to her for the whole day. She then gathered the whole class around her and revelled in the attention for a good 5 minutes, before announcing that they ..... rub their willies together!!!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerugh!!! we all shrieked. Some accused her of lying. Others said their parents wouldn't have done that. To this day, I can't decide if that was an appropriate introduction to sex or not.

OP posts:

Jellybaby00 · 08/10/2008 22:04

When my oldest daughter (now aged 9) started asking, I bought her a book called Mummy laid an egg which explains it really well for younger children.
Not sure about web sites....do the BBC have anything?

coochybottom · 08/10/2008 22:09

When my nearly 6 yr old asked me how you know you are pregnant I just said "you do a special test" and he was happy with that. Why would a 5 yr old need to know about missed periods etc? I think he will ask when he is interested. He is still young-enjoy it. When he goes to secondary he will grow up way too fast. You could find out what happens at your school but I think they do it in year 6. Then when they get to secondary they do Personal&Social education and sex is covered in that.

coochybottom · 08/10/2008 22:10

Do you think girls might be interested earlier than boys? They mature earlier after all.

Jellybaby00 · 08/10/2008 22:19

Don't know about that...it was the boys in my daughters class that were telling her all about it!!
Luckily for me, she came home and told me so I could correct her on a few things they said.

coochybottom · 08/10/2008 22:22

Perhaps when my twins are a bit older I might notice a difference from when my teenage son was that age(he is nearly16 now). Children do seem more forward today than him at that age. What a difference nearly a decade makes!

nooka · 08/10/2008 23:03

Umm coochybottom, I am English too, and I don't think my approach is particularly unusual. My big sister used the same approach with her children, and they are 10 years older than mine. Talking to children about the "facts of life" doesn't make them grow up, not does not talking about it keep them as children. My approach is they ask, I answer, in the same way I answer their all questions. I can't see any advantage to being prudish. My parents never ever talked about sex, periods, growing up or anything really. Except my mother gave us the strong idea that it was all rather unpleasant, and that anything to do with periods should be hidden from my father. I got all my information from my big sister, friends, and books. I would prefer my children to talk freely to me, and I think you do that by giving them straight answers and letting them ask as many follow up questions as they want, whenever they are interested.

BalloonSlayer · 09/10/2008 07:08

My DS is 8 and a half and has never asked a single question, even when I had a baby when he was 7 and a half. Neither has DD (nearly 7 now) who is normally much more thoughtful and curious.

I have told them how a baby comes out, this came about when reminiscing about their births on their birthday (although had CSs so easy but I did mention the "proper" way) but neither has asked how the baby gets in there!

So yes I support the statement that some kids just aren't as curious as others

surprisenumber3 · 09/10/2008 09:26

My DS1 is nine. I am pg and I heard him telling DS2 (4), that girls are born with lots of seeds and when they love someone, the love makes the seeds start to grow and turn into a baby!

Very naive for a 9 year old, but very sweet

coochybottom · 09/10/2008 14:21

I am not prudish, just that my kids have never taken that much interest!Too busy thinking about other things.(apart from my 15yr old DS who I am sure does but now way too old to want to ask me anything!!)Have reminded him about condoms thou!

coochybottom · 09/10/2008 14:23

PS:nooka you are English but living in US which I think might have an influence on things?

coochybottom · 09/10/2008 14:26

Also do you think cos of the way you were brought up you prefer to be very open?

hellish · 09/10/2008 14:31

coochy - think you are right, I live in Canada, have noticed that people are more open about sex here. I instigated a 'talk' with dd1 last year when (after chatting with thier parents) I realised that all her friends already knew. She was not yet 8 at that time.

Agree with poster who said that information does not make them grow up faster or cut short thier innocent childhood . (although that was my instict)

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