I think my 'friend' is a terrible mother, but don't know if there's anything I can do about it...

[trumpetgirl]

firstly, she always puts herself before her ds. I'm completely the oposite so it really winds me up. I'm all for parents having time to themselves, but when she goes out drinking leaving her ds with her alcoholic xbf and then is soooo hungover the next day, she can't get him to school I'm a bit
Although I don't really agree with the way she is, I sympathise with her as we are both single parents without any (useful) family and dads aren't involved, so we have been spending quite a lot of time together, however I have recently discovered how nasty she can be to her ds.
She seems to have an anger problem. Anything can set her off and she'll start screaming and swearing at her ds. I don't have a problem with smacking generally, but she is a whole different issue.
After telling her ds off the other day she came up to me and started saying how she wishes ds's dad would come and take ds away because she can't handle it anymore, and I know her ds could hear her.
She's a very hands off sort of parent and just expects him to entertain himself whenever he's not at school. She won't so much as hug him and tells him to p**s off, he's too big for that if he tries to hug her (he's 7)
She stays in bed until about midday at weekends then goes mad at him and grounds him when he's eaten all of the biscuits/cakes, I just think she should have been up to feed him!
She claims he has behavioural problems, but I think he's just a little boy who needs some attention.
She was meant to be going to parenting classes, but gave them up as she already knew it all (she studies sociology)... she seems to have a problem putting it all into practise though.
I just don't know if there's anything I can do for him. I think he deserves better.
At the same time, he's always clean and fed well and she spends an insane amount of money on him on birthdays and at christmas. I know she loves him, but I think she hates him for 'ruining her life' as well. I'm sure some kids have much more terrible lives than this and don't know if I'm just over-reacting about the situation, but I think something has to be done... I just don't know what

Difficult situation there. The problem is that you never know how the parent will take in any intervention, or even worse, if she will take it on the the child.

My neighbour once told me she hated one of her DDs because it reminded her of his ex. The poor girl was always making every effort to gain her love but she just laughed at her, humilliated her inf front of everyone, and allowede her other DS to bully her openly. If you said this girl was good in x, y, z it was far worse, as the mother and sister will go point by point infront of the girl telling you why her sister was much better and the other was crap.

I stoped seeing them for a few years and I'm surprised at the outcome of it. THe mistreated one has become a wonderful individual, she is clever, sensible and beautiful. The other one, is... cindirella's step sister.

The point here is that I dpn't know what you can do, but I hope that little boy manages to survive his mother without many scars.

I have tried to imply that she may have an anger problem, but she doesn't seem to think that she does, and I'm bloody scared of her tbh!
I just don't know if this is worth getting in contact with SS over as physically he has never been in any real danger, I just feel sorry for the poor lad

IMO she is abusing her DS by lying in bed half the day while he starves (both physically and emotionally by the sound of it). This breaks my heart - I don't think I could remain silent.

If you're not sure if you want to contact SS is there another organisation you can speak to for advice anonymously? Parentline etc?

Thanks CarofromWton. I will have a look for something anonymous and talk to someone. I just really don't know if I could justify SS to myself. I had a pretty crap childhood, but could never imagine ending up being taken away from my family. I wouldn't want to do that to another child against his will iyswim

My childhood sounds like that of this little boy, single mum, went out a lot didn't get up to feed us etc I was so glad when (aged 10)someone finally reported her to social services, yes we were removed from her but by god if I found the person now who had contacted ss I would thank them, I owe my life as it is now to the kindness and bravery of that person. A child alone does not have a voice, you have to be the voice for them.

Well said, tulip.

This sounds like neglect to me. The NSPCC has a phone line you can call to talk to counsellors about what is happening. They are useful. You may find that the child's school has already started proceedings if he is regularly missing school.

The NSPCC website is useful and gives the number if you want to call them. www.nspcc.org.uk/helpandadvice/whatchildabuse/whatischildabuse_wda36500.html Sorry I don't know how to do links!

Thanks tulip. It makes me so angry that parents can treat their children like this. I'm really glad that it worked for you.

I've found the number for Parentline and will ring tomorrow, when dd is at school.

Thanks for the advice everyone

Sarie1973 - she made many complaints about the last school he was in and blamed them for not sorting out his behaviour so he's just moved schools.
Will look at NSPCC thingy, thanks