Am I paranoid, or am I being judged by the other mums?

[patjoseb]

I'm 26 with 3 boys. 5, 3 and 14 months. My partner earns a good wage and we are good parents. I live in Wimbledon and my son goes to a lovely small school. My problem is, I'm easily the youngest mother and I don't own a huge house like all the other mums. When my son has been to friends houses, I feel so ashamed that we only have a small flat, so have never been able to have anyone round to ours. Ther is one mum in particular that really upsets me. She is ever so nice and our son are friends, but he has never been invited to play, although every day they have someone going home with them. I know this sound silly, but my son has noticed it and I don't know what to tell him. My son now hates school because apparently, all the other children are horrible to him, except a few. For instance, he came home the other day and told me that a couple of the boys were trying to push his lunch off the table, and another boy actually put his hands around his neck! These are 5 year old, from a nice area and a nice school. What is going on? My son is very sensitive and cannot stand up for himself, but i've become so angry that this is happening to him, i've begun telling him to physically fight back. I don't agree with violence but he needs to learn to stand up for himself. Doesn't he? Is it possible that these children are behaving like this towards him because they somehow know that he is slightly different? Is it their parents attitudes towards people that maybe don't earn as much as they do, or own huge houses, that is maybe rubbing off on them? Or am I completely paranoid?
I'm finding it really difficult to face these people twice a day, and am considering changing schools as I don't want my child to be treated differently. Somebody help!

Bexi,
I feel for ya, hon. The best thing I can do as a mum is teach my daughter to respect herself for the person she is, not what she owns, where she lives, etc.

We live in a two-bed flat, too, and it's rented. Edinburgh has the highest property prices outside London and Bristol, so it'll be a while before we get round to owning a/thing. But we're doing it all ourselves and when we get there, we'll appreciate it that much more. Every brick will be sacred as a step on a long and wonderful journal.

You know what? I invite ANYONE I fancy or my daughter fancies to ours. And if they don't want to come b/c our home isn't good enough, well stuff 'em, cuz they're not worth knowing if they're like that! As a result of being comfortable w/who we are, where we're going, and not feeling the least bit jealous or ashamed of that, we've got friends from all walks of life.

Passion for life is what makes us rich, not money or things!

You're a person who is doing the best she can by her partner and her kids - a loving mum who is a contributor and asset to society. Stand up and be proud of that, and you'll be amazed at all the lovely people you'll soon meet!

expatinscotland, thanks alot. Wish there were more people like you around

patjoseb, kids don't even think about the size of their home, I would talk to teacher pronto to sort out the bullying and DO invite other kids back to your flat. I live in a big house and my son recently went to a party in a small house. He came back saying that their house was "cool" because of the toys the other guy had. Didn't notice the square footage at all! If there are people who would isolate your son for that, then they are shallow, stupid people, not worth bothering with.

I spoke to his teachers yesterday and she is going to keep an eye out, although she said she hadn't noticed anything. My son is very sensitive, maybe he's just taking the normal rough play a bit too much to heart?

That is very possible patjoseb. Ds blubbed heartrendingly at home about no-one wanting to play with him which had us very concerned as he is also rather a sensitive, even twee little guy at times. We asked his teacher, and she was able to report to us that ds in one playtime alone returned three different offers of play to sender for the most hilariously convoluted of reasons - one being too much roaring involved.
You're right not to dismiss his concerns but I think this is an age where they suddenly realise the power of exaggeration and not telling the full story .

I think the worst thing, is the thought of him alone in that big playground

your poor ds

Aw, pat! (((HUGS))) to you and your son.

How about getting him involved in outside school stuff? Being in programmes like scouting and other clubs helps kids find friends and build a support network outside of just school and w/kids who have common interests. It helps improve their confidence and their support network.

Hi,

I am a mum of 2 (4&6)
My 4 year old woke last night with croupy symptoms, since speaking to the doctor he suspects it is croup but very mild.
I was chatting to one of the other mums at my sons school about it and saw a mum and her mum suddenly turn around and start chatting as soon as I mentioned it and wouldn’t make eye contact, needless to say I felt like I was being judged and being gossiped about, is this a taboo subject in the playground I’ve never had this with my son.
Feeling pretty low about it to be honest feel like I’m not being a good mum.