Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Should I report to police/how to handle this assault on DS

48 replies

smileindenial · 02/10/2008 22:33

DS (15) came home about an hour ago with blood all over his face in a right state. To cut a long story short, he'd had an argument with his girlfriend (also 15) who also happens to be black belt in karate and she apparantly kicked him twice in the face. Her father then dragged him out of their house and threw him onto the street where he's sprained his wrist upon falling to the ground.

I don't know what the row was about but I'm livid.

He doesn't want me to report it or do anything (I assume because he'll have to admit to being beaten up by a girl) but I can't just leave it.

What should I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
smileindenial · 02/10/2008 23:16

well to be honest, I have always liked her. Just a shame it has come to this.

OP posts:
beanieb · 02/10/2008 23:18

You need to make it clear to him that you don't believe him then, I would say anyway. By rights couldn't they also contact the police if they say he assaulted her first.

Original poster
smileindenial · 02/10/2008 23:19

Yes and her dad has already said he will be doing so.

DH reckons he won't when he's calmed down and realised DS came off worse but I'm not sure.

OP posts:
unknownrebelbang · 02/10/2008 23:25

DS obviously in the wrong.

His (one assumes) ex-gf in the wrong for kicking him whilst he was down.

Her Dad is in the wrong for grabbing him and throwing him out, especially if they were considering phoning an ambulance for him shortly before - whatever your son had done.

Carmenere makes a good point about young men and violence.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 02/10/2008 23:27

Take photos of his injuries, and since he was having trouble speaking then keep an eye on him - sounds like some head trauma.

Hope he is OK

3littlefrogs · 02/10/2008 23:28

It sounds as if they all need to take a deep breath, calm down and go their separate ways.

15 is too young for a serious relationship IMO.

3littlefrogs · 02/10/2008 23:30

Normastanleyfletcher is right though - a karate kick is very hard and can be dangerous, and you can't be too careful with head injuries. You can get nasty fractures to the face quite easily.

He should be checked over by a doctor.

Original poster
smileindenial · 02/10/2008 23:32

the gf has just phoned. Firstly to tell me exactly what happened (in her words obviously), secondly to apologise for kicking him twice (although she made it clear the first one was justified ) and thirdly to speak to DS to tell him to stay away from her or she personally will report him to the police.

I guess this is his first break up, he doesn't do things by halfs does he

OP posts:
Original poster
smileindenial · 02/10/2008 23:34

sorry, meant to add DH has taken DS down to A&E, looks like his nose is broken but also want to check over for head injuries. TBH it doesn't look like he's only been kicked twice, he's black and blue. I'm wondering if the dad has had a go too.

OP posts:
NormaStanleyFletcher · 02/10/2008 23:37

Well I wouldn't worry about them involving the police then.

Unless she has some equally impressive injuries.

There is such a thing as proportional response if you are claiming self defence and it doesn't sound like this was that.

I really hope he is OK

Makes me glad that DS1s first break-up consisted of her going and sleeping with an ex-con

LilRedWG · 03/10/2008 08:33

How's DS this morning smile?

cory · 03/10/2008 09:09

It sounds like the gf's family responded way out of proportion and he is well shot of them. Hopefully, his injuries are not too bad and he will make a quick recovery. And I would certainly record his injuries, just in case the family turns nasty.

BUT, and this is a BIG but- he has admitted initiating violence, and you need to speak to him about that. If he ever ends up with a non-violent girlfriend and pushes her against the wall and calls her a slag, then
shey will call the police and he will be in the wrong, with no extenuating circumstances. You really do need to sit down and talk to him. This is simply not a good way to conduct relationships. He is still young; he can change the sort of gf he sees, the kind of people he associates with and his own responses.

CrushWithEyeliner · 03/10/2008 09:20

I would not be proud of my daughter if she did that tbh, I would be disgusted. I think you obviously need to speak to your son about the violence and who he messes with - really stupid of him to do that and perhaps he has learnt his lesson.

Sounds so tough I feel for you x

OrmIrian · 03/10/2008 09:24

I wouldn't be proud of my DD either! I think it's outrageous. As a response to a push? I'd be having words with her sensei btw. It sounds quite disproportionate. What's the point of teaching young men that violence isn't the answer if it's OK for women to use it instead.

He needs to learn a lesson without a doubt, and pick his friends more carefully, but doesn't justify the girl or her father.

Tortington · 03/10/2008 09:27

i would be like " it serves you right for pushing a girl doesn't it, you will be lucky if she doesn't press charges. you push another girl and i'll break your fucking knee caps for ya never mind your nose - so watch it - bad ass - becuase no matter how gangsta you think you are - i will always whoop yer arse - get to bed you stupid boy"

Tortington · 03/10/2008 09:28

and then to the father of the girl i would be like " if you ever touch one of my children again, i will get you done - understand me?"

Original poster
smileindenial · 03/10/2008 09:42

pmsl custardo!

Well he got the all clear last night, went to bed and amazingly had stomach ache this morning and tried to get the day off school. I do feel for him in a way, I know he has to share the blame for what happened but lets be honest, as soon as the kids at school find out he got kicked in by a girl, his life is going to be hell for a week or so at least.

OP posts:
solo · 03/10/2008 09:48

The thing is, OP needs to hear the truth from her Ds. He needs to know that although he may be in the wrong, that as his mother, she is and always will be, there for him. Accusing him and only taking the other families word for the truth will make him feel resentful if he feels you aren't listening to him.
I always tell my Ds(10)that if he tells me the truth I will always back him up.

egypt · 03/10/2008 09:56

take some pics of his injuries now, just in case you need the proof...

pigleto · 03/10/2008 10:08

What on earth was he thinking pushing his girlfriend about and threatening her brother in their own house while their parents were there? He must be nuts. If someone slammed my dd into the wall I would be tempted to have him arrested.

When you hear about domestic violence it always seems to start with people being pushed into walls, because the perpetrator thinks that he will get away with pushing more easily than with hitting but he wants to hurt his partner. "I only pushed her" Please explain to your ds that pushing girls is an attack.

She should not have hit him though. I am sorry he is hurt and I hope his nose will be OK.

MrsSnape · 03/10/2008 10:26

Suggest he joins a karate class sorry I know it's serious but surely he must have known pushing around a black belt would have bad consequences? She did sound as though she went over-board but if she banged her head on the wall she maybe hit out after being injured herself. I probably would have done the same.

Karate would help your DS learn to control his temper and himself in general.

cory · 03/10/2008 15:28

Doesn't seem to have helped the girl, MrsSnape.

MrsSnape · 03/10/2008 15:54

To be fair, if someone pushed me against a wall, banging my head...I'd probably kick them too.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread