I'm most likely feeling worse due to sheer lack of sleep, so please excuse any melodramtics.
Basically, I feel at my wits end with my 16mo DD. I am a lone parent, and although xp sees her alot,( about 2 nights p/wk) contributes etc, I'm doing the bulk. The problem is that she seems to have changed alot in recent weeks. Nothing strange there you may think, but I feel as though she has changed completely. She was a very calm little child, intially difficult, but settled wonderfully into a 12hour a night routine and sweet natured. In recent weeks however, she is constantly crying, whinging, throwing things, slapping my face, and waking incessantly in the night. I write this post today, because last night, I had what was most probably the worst I've ever had. She woke at 2.20am and literally, never went back to sleep til I got up at 7am for work. I sit here at my desk, exhausted, in tears and dreading going home for round 2.
I work full time, and so far this month, I've had to leave work early twice because my childminder has maintained that she was unwell. Both times I arrived there, she seemed perfectly fine, just grumpy. That's another issue- I can tell that my childminder is not enjoying her. She gives me negative feedback most days now, saying that DD was exhausting, - which is unlike her as she seems to adore DD.
DD won't let me out of her sight. When I say that, I mean I cannot even move from one room to another, making basic tasks impossible. She clings to my trouser legs almost permanently. If you could see how I have to move around my kitchen making dinner, you would laugh. She is literally hanging off me and I have developed a 'walk' that allows me to move one leg at a time so I can do things. It's bizzare, she doesn't really want to be carried, just 'hang' off me. I suppose it sounds quite funny in essence, but I find it so hard. She started walking 2 weeks ago, and I relished the opportunity to be able to potter about freely while she marvelled in her new legs.(!) No such luck, I never have to look farther than my legs, and there she will be.
I cannot believe that for a child who sleeps as well as she does, she was able to happily stay awake last night for as long as she did. I keep wondering if it's teething pain, but she seems perfectly happy when I go to her and wants to play, so I've ruled it out as the main factor. I was sobbing in the bed with her, literally pleading for respite- to an infant. How stupid am I?
I was suppopsed to have someone stay over tonight for dinner, but I've cancelled because I cannot bear the possiblity that she will repeat what she did last night.
I think you've probably realised I'm just venting, or possibly mad. Are my expectations too high? Do you have any suggestions as to what I could do? I guess I want my little DD to be how she used to. To let me sleep, to enjoy her. Because quite frankly, and this is the worst part- I simply cannot cope with her as she is. Work is sheer relief for me. That's awful isn't it?