please help before I go maaadddddddddddddddddddd.....

[shhhh]

I know there are some similar threads about but not all are relevant iykiwm...

dd is 3.4yrs and has been potty trained for probably around 9 ish months..when she finally got the hang of it she was brilliant, no accidents and very prompt in telling us when she needed to go iykiwm..rarely poo'd outside the home yet would wee without as problem.

Now, 4 weeks ago she started preschool and dh started to work away during the week, 2-3 weeks prior to that (around 2 months ago) we started plans for preschool that inc taster sessions..it seems to be around this time when the issues started.

Basically she will wee no problem, not always at preschool but always at home etc BUT poo's are never done in the toilet and ALWAYS in her knickers.

Last week we went almost 7 days without a poo and after speaking to the gp (minus dd) he suggested mango and gave a prescription for lactulose incase..Mango didn't work but the medicine did so that problem solved BUT how do I stop the pooing in the knickers..?

Today she has done it at preschool and then x3 once home. Im frustrated, upset and feel v low about it all..

I don't know why she is like this now and I do admit when it was 1st happening I go annoyed etc BUT now I try and reason with her and ask why etc. Have tried rewards and even instant rewards but nothing works...

She also is constantly saying "i need the toilet" we rush off only to get there and her to fight (iykiwm) and say I don't need it..only to go back into the room and poo in her knickers...

HELP PLEASE...................

Im tired of washing knickers, throwing knickers away and being obsessed with poo..

btw, I have tried leaving her "to it" yet she still sits there and poo's...I can smell it..!

I've posted about this a few times before. We had huge problems with DD1, who took a year to get the hang of 'poos in the loo'.

Consulted a paediatrician in the end, who helped us crack it. Basically the advice was to leave it totally up to DD - not to mention it even if we could see she needed to go, get her to clean herself up as far as possible when she made a mess, just take the pressure off. It was very hard, and it took a while, but in the end she got there - I started saying to her 'you're a big girl now, I don't need to tell you to go to the loo, you can tell yourself'. And finally she did - I can still remember how proud of herself she was when she summoned me to the bathroom - 'mummy, I telled myself'. And from that point on she was completely fine.

She started well with potty-training, but for some reason poos just became a very big deal. So lactulose etc was only limited help, because the problem was essentially behavioural rather than totally physical. We knew that we were making everything worse by fixating on it - 'making' ourselves act unbothered was really difficult, but I think it's what got us there in the end. For what it's worth, we found rewards, incentives, etc made no difference whatsoever.

Hope it's some help, and hope you get the problem resolved soon - I know how desperate it is.

thanks treeny, so I need to leave it to dd now...so I guess I take her to the toilet when she asks to go and ignore the fact that I know she needs to go..?

So did your dd potty train well with wee and poo yet regress as well..? it just bothers me that dd has done well for 8 or so months and now is back to stage one... Just worries me...

Thing is she knws as well that its wrong and that she shouldn't do it and when asked does say it scares her ...I suggested she going back to nappies (still in bedtime nappy) yet she won't have it..

My DD did start well, and then regressed (although I have to say she was never very keen on doing poos where they should go).

Can you leave your DD to take herself to the toilet, rather than her asking to go? Might she be keener on the idea that it's something she manages completely herself? When mine started going, she'd take herself then call me for help with wiping etc. But I have v bad memories of taking her and sitting there for endless periods while we waited to see if a poo might appear - god it was grim!

In our case, I think the problem became so intractable because we put too much pressure on DD. Which is why we had to say to her - 'it doesn't matter. You're a big girl, you know what to do, it's up to you to tell yourself, you're in charge of your poos, not us.' It was really hard! For a long time she would do anything rather than poo, and she could hold on to it for scarily long periods. But once we stopped talking about it, things started to improve - and I don't just mean that she started taking herself to the loo (although eventually she did). Everything improved, because we weren't all endlessly fixated on her bum! The paediatrician essentially gave us 'permission' to get on with life with this in the background rather than the foreground, and the confidence to believe that if we took the pressure off DD she would definitely get there in the end.

But I remember the days of carrying endless spare pants etc around in my handbag, so I empathise enormously. Is your DD's preschool OK about the whole thing? My DD's nursery was incredibly patient about it all - don't know what I'd have done if they hadn't been!

Hi again treeny,well her preschool seem fine with it atm..tbh she seemed fine prior to starting but I did express issues on her starting day iykiwm. Till tuesday she hadn't had any accidents.....

Well, yesterday was just as bad and today I went to the hairdressers and mum had dd. She had x2 accidents as well but I had primed mum and told her to act as though it was not a big issue....
while at the hairdresses I spoke to two of the girls there who also have lo's similar age to dd and they said ignore the whole issue and maybe try no nappies at night...

so tonight I came home and never mentioned the accidents, bathed dd and said tonight was no nappy night blah de dah, after dinner she did seem like she needed a poo and I reminded that she is a big girl and can tell me when she needs to go, she went for a wee...THEN while giving ds his bottle she was in her room, once I had finsihed I came to her room only for her to say I need the toilet...I waited for the accident only for her to a massive poo..IN THE TOILET!!!!!!!!!!!!

So loads of praise has been heaped onto her, along with some choco and stickers and the promise of a treat come the weekend if it continues, I also said was she ok with no nappy tonight to which she was...

So no nappy tonight, I make regret it but just will try anything now....Will see how dd gets on...
any more tips..?

BTW, I haven't considered her going alone and she does always ask me to stop when on the toilet..will try it as well though...