We're going to HAVE to move, when should I tell the DS's????

[FAQ]

Either we have to sell the house fast, or it's going to get repossessed. Doesn't affect me hugely financially as it's all in exH's name, and as I'm no longer going to be giving him money towards the mortgage to stay here I can use that money to save up for deposit/rent/moving costs.

However, such as is the nature of these things, I don't know how long we've got, although it's unlikely we could put the house on the market in the next few weeks (need to spruce it up a bit first - it's been "redecorated" by the DS's........) and it could sell quickly, so it could be just a few months until we actually move.

Or it could take months to sell/get repossessed and could be quite a while before we have to move (obviously if I'm in the position to move and find somewhere suitable then we'll go sooner rather than later).

So - when do I tell the DS's. Obviously with the house going on the market we're going to (hopefully) have people looking around it. So do I tell them now, even though it could be the start of next year we have to move, or wait a while????

How old are they?

just turned 8, and nearly 5 (DS3 16 months but obviously too young to tell)

Tell them now as long as you feel you can be calm and in control about it. Just say this is what's happening, we'll have somewhere lovely to live and IT WILL ALL BE FINE! You being in control of the situation (even if you don't feel it - fake it) will matter far more to them tham the ins and outs of what happens. Keep your older two up to date with developments and reassure, reassure, reassure!

tel lthem now.

told dd's at the beginning of august we might be moving. dd1 was very excited. dd2 not bothered, dd3 a bit upset until we reassured her we will take everything with us that is important to her.

we are moving next week.

i agree with misdee.

we've already told DD1 that we'll be moving next year but it will be only to a village she knows well and that she'll be closer to her friends and able to walk to her school - where she went to nursery.

Not sure I'm quite ready to be totally calm and in control just yet - only found out yesterday.

I'll perhaps leave it a day or two until i've had a chance to get over the shock and talk it over with a friend in RL

I'm just really worried how DS1 is going to take it, his behaviour at the moment is appalling, and I'm really struggling with it.......he's upstairs at the moment throwing the mother of all tantrums because I sent him to bed early after he deliberately pushed DS3 (16 months) over causing him to put his tooth into his lip and bleed, then he threw his cuddly toy down the stairs and said he'd "dropped" it, and I'm really not sure how he's going to take the idea of moving from here [worried]

Tell them right away and make sure you reassure that all their toys are coming, dd didnt want to move and was devastated until I found out she was simply upset that she thought we werent taking her toys or pets etc

think I may wait until after next weekend when they're more relaxed (not to mention me more relaxed) after they've spent some time with exH.

If you act like you expect him to be unhappy about this he will play up to it so the thing to do is be ultra positive about it and that gives him less of a place to go make a fuss iyswim? It's a good idea to give it a few days till you can really control the situation and have got all your answers worked out. The big question will be school I expect. If they will have to more more likely than not - then say so upfront and let them get used to the idea.

they won't have to move school (thankfully) - I'm not sure I would cope with having to make them move house and school.

I'm so worried about DS1's reaction, it's not been long since I redecorated his room, in colours of his choice, with carpet he chose etc etc, only this morning he was writing "invites" for his brothers (and exH) to come and play in his bedroom. He's going to be gutted about that, especially when he discovers that we won't be able to decorate his new room how he wants it

I'll try and stay positive, I managed yesterday when I had to tell him that their weekend with daddy had been postponed a week, and he took that ok - but then he knew that he'd be seeing him next weekend and the following weekend instead.

Ok so you can't decorate but he he could pick a rug, storage boxes and posters couldn't he - finances permitting? Not moving school is brilliant news - that really gives you a head start on this. I know it's hard but the more errm...Mary Poppinslike...... you are about this news when you first tell them the better you feel and the better they will feel.

yeah that's an idea - he needs more storage for his stuff anyhow, as I've realised he's got more things that belong solely to him than I thought he had and so the single wardrobe and cabin bed with desk, small bookshelf and chest of drawers underneath isn't big enough.

He may even get a bigger room.......(well he can't get much smaller than he's got at the moment lol).

I'll try and be Mary Poppinslike.......though it's not quite my style

What are you going to tell them about why you're moving? What positives are there going to be (and the school is a good one already)? I got moved alot when I was a kid and my parents were a bit 'yay! we're moving' without ever telling me any reason why I sould be pleased. If you can get them excited, so much the better. They can come and help you choose a new house, right? That might be quite good

Yes they can come and help me choose a new house. Thankfully time is on my side, as even if it comes to repossession we've got several months before we'll have to move so I'll have a chance to look around and find something suitable (and having looked recently, and in the past there's plenty around) rather than just taking the first thing that comes along.

I'm not sure what positives there are

Okay. I'm going to get all mary poppins on your arse.

You've already said that DS1 might be able to have a bigger room. So there's one already.

Why don't you sit down with them and tell them you're going to have to find a new house and ask them to help you draw up what your ideal house should have. You can let them go a bit crazy maybe and say they want wiis in the bathroom or something. But it means you can make it fun for them (even if they don't totally buy it).

Could you move closer to the school? Closer to one of their friends? Closer to the park? Better garden? A shed? There could be loads of good things, honest

Sorry I missed a bit out there. If you all sit down and design your perfect house, then you can start to find common ground and scale it back till it's something realistic. And I don't think you should underestimate the power of getting them to feel they're part of the decision-making process. That makes such a difference when you're a child

haha - I couldn't move any closer to DS2's school if I tried - 2 of my back garden walls are also the school wall - if I sit on DS1's bed and look out of his window I can watch the Reception classes going into assembly, and if they have the hall curtains open I can see some of the PE lessons.

The park is literally the other side of the school (30 seconds walk)

(see from my last post why I'm struggling to find the positives ).

Umm - maybe be a bit further away from the school so that they don't have to see it at the weekend?

It was a good plan though. You could go and get paint mixed for their new bedrooms?

I'll be private renting, so won't be able to decorate - they'll be stuck with what they get.......unless I apply for a council house (which I don't want to do as I'll almost certainly end up on one of the very estates that made exH and I decide to buy in this area.........not to mention they're the opposite ends of town - we're near the middle and it would be a total PITA to get to school/church etc).

I'll definitely do a "what do they think the new house should have" though.

well I was going to sit them down and tell them this afternoon - I was all psyched up for it, was going to make it sound exciting......but I can't do it.

DS1 came bounding from school and wanted to go and play in his room straight away, they're so chilled out and relaxed at the moment I don't have the heart to tell them. And everything I'd thought of to tell them as to why we would be moving has gone from my mind