Recognition for SAHM!!!

[groovychick2]

Does anyone else feel inferior bacause they do not work and are a SAHM? Another Mum at school the other day who works said to me "what are you doing today?" and before I could answer she added "Nothing I suppose"!! Bl*y Cheek!! As a SAHM you do not get days off, cant phone in sick, no one ever pats you on the back and says well done and more to the point you do not get paid!!!!

I went back to work after DS1 was born then when he was almost 3 we moved to UK. In Jersey the childminder used to take him to playgroup for a couple of hours and pick him up for me. When we moved, I picked him up on the first day at his new playgroup and he was surprised to see me - he said'Will you always get me now Mummy?' When I said I would he told me he liked it much more when I dropped him off and picked him up & made him happy - it nearly broke my heart that I hadn't been doing it all along & I have not been out to work since. DS2 has always been at home with me and is a much happier child than his brother was at that age - seems to have a lot less frustration and mixed emotions - if we can't give up these few years for our precious little ones what can we do. I think it is worth the financial sacrifice & those who said it is about choices are right.

groovy
you should have just said
"can't do nothing - I have coffee and shopping first and then I have to shag the gardener. busy busy !"

she is not happy with her choice or she wouldn't be snipeing at you.
Can't join SAHMs unite as too many people I love are WOHMs.
I am in the mothers of every variety unite group

I'd join that group, to pagwatch. I just wish all women could find a way to be happy with their choices, and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing.

I get this all the time. I'm not technically a SAHM, I work 2 nights a week. My youngest has just started school and already I've had comments from a neighbour and work colleagues that I should increase my hours. It so annoys me, I mean wtf is it to do with anyone else. Besides the fact that I hate my job, I can't afford to work more hours because of covering the holidays. All the extra money I get would go in childcare.

Yeah, I reckon they just jealous if they feel they have to work!! pagwatch- I dont have a gardener but the window cleaners not bad looking!! LOVE IT!!

I am a SAHM and DS2 started nursery today - yipee.

I haven't had any rude comments but I do have the hide of a rhino so it would probably go right over my head anyway.

With the spare 2 hours I have a day I was planning on helping out at the school and getting fit.

I am temporarily at home as am on maternity leave and can certainly see the attraction. i love how much less effort I need to make with my son, as I have so much time for him and it is wonderful being able to see every milestone my daughter meets.

However, sometimes I am bored beyond belief. Sometimes I have to really force myself to talk about things which aren't to do with children and I feel that I have become rather boring.

I would also find it incredibly hard to give up earning money for the household and effectively being in the employ of my husband. Although he is not sexist scum at all, the further away from work I am, the more I feel the power seems to accrue to him-whether he takes it or not.

Anyway, am not sure where I'm going with this, other than I think all arrangements are imperfect and we all have to find the best for us and our families. Once we have done this, then we should defend our choices and try not to belittle others who have made different choices.

wahwah Not sure why you feel you are in the employ of your husband? er tghe

DH and I hve always supported each other, all money is shared. As I see it we are both 'earning' the money.

I agree-it is partnership. Even though I do not work I do not feel in the employ of my husband. I know someone who works and still has to ask permission to spend money!

As a sahm you are not in the employ of your husband! It just means that your husband is contributing more financially to the running of the household just as you are contributing more in everything else.
Otherwise practically every household would have one partner in the employ of the other partner as not many couples earn exactly the same salary as each other!

As my husband says, the money he earns is for our family, there is no "my money, your money". He considers what I do more important and what he does, a necessity.

Having said that, I have insisted on receiving a Christmas bonus from him this year as I won't be getting one from an employer. Guess I want to have my cake and eat it.

Just to say that dh would be horrified at the idea of 'employing' me. He thinks that all contributions are valid. However, I think that in a society which only values us for our ability to grab money for our work, then how is work for no money valued? If we are working in the home, then who is employing us?

My parents were a great example of a partnership where my mother did no paid work, but worked all day to care for us and my father's work was paid and seen as belonging to the family. This worked out brilliantly for us all, but as an adult I realise how vulnerable my mother was in this arrangement should their relationship have ended.

I can't see things are much better now unless the sahm has the ability to earn enough to support herself and children should things go wrong.

'what do SAHMs do during the day when their DCs are at school?'
I do whatever I want. Usually abit of study (I am doing an OU degree), helping in school about once a week, seeing elderly relatives, shopping, housework, watch telly, see friends, go out with hubby (he works shifts so is around in the day alot). I am actually very busy usually. I love the sense of freedom though that I can meet my childs needs at the drop of a hat; eg if they are ill at school etc, rather than have to worry about childcare or some companies needs and lining someones fat pocket. Also we can relax if DH has to work late or overtime as I am always here to look after them.

I am quite proud that I am doing what I want even if society looks down on what I choose to do. (although it took me a while to adjust after being a WOHM) I would rather have my time for me/my family than sell it to an employer. Also, we can manage on one wage which is a good position to be on as if need be I could get a job should DH be unable to work. If we relied on both wages and he became unable to work we would be in a worse state. Getting a second job would mean more outgoings like a 2nd car, work expenses etc and dependency on a 2nd employer (scary in this economic climate).

The people who make snide comments to me are usually WOH mums or people without kids. Doesn't bother me, whats the most they can say/think; I am dependent, old fashioned, lazy, stupid etc etc none of those offend me TBH as I am really appy with my choice.

I don't see myself as especially dependant as DH depends on me just as much to enable him to do his job. Most WOHMs rely on both wages to pay the mortgage etc so would be just as screwed if their DH cleared off. Anyway, if you study/volunteer etc like many SAHMs do, you should be able to get a job if need be, no point worrying about that all the time though, just enjoy the time with your kids.

wahwah
my dH and I are a team. All the money which flows into our household is our money.
He would be at your notion of a SAHM being employeed by her husband.
I just find it a bit sad

'However, I think that in a society which only values us for our ability to grab money for our work, then how is work for no money valued? '
I think that is a fault of our selfish and capitalist society and should be considered as such. People should look deeper at relatiev and historic societies, this one isn't necc the right one. Yes we have to live in it (this society) and can't 'opt out' completely but we don't have to be conned by it or go along like sheep. People can look into themselves to be happy and not need valuing by society. I like to be different anyway and take some pleasure in not doing what people like Gordon Brown want to 'encourage' me to do such as go back to work lol.

When I was full time SAHM it always made me VERY cross when I saw references to the 'problem' of so many people remaining 'economically inactive'! Grrrrrrrrr!

Well said Jellybean!
That's exactly how my husband and I feel.

SAHMs multi task!!
They do have coffee and chat to friends but normally they do this whilst juggling children, hanging out washing, emptying/filling dishwashers or ironing ( I normall avoid cleaning my house when I have friends round)
Or if they're out having coffee normally managing a child ( or two) running around, spilling drinks, changing nappies etc.
DH would say I had spent the morning MNing but during this time I have fed the baby and enteratined her, playing with toys and also mopping up the mess and wiping her nose.
MY DH once suggested that having coffe with a friend with my 2 DCs was just the same a shim having a drink in the pub after work - one day I shall drop the DCs off at the pub with him.........do think he'll agree then
I agree SAHM is good if its good for you and not f its not and its really not up to anyone else to comment.

Jellybeans, I think you're right. If we intrinsically value what we do, then we don't need anyone outside to tell us whether we're doing something valuable. You also seem to have found a way to ensure that if needed, then you can be externally 'valued' with a wage-an enviable position to have all the bases covered!

Oh I recognise SAHMs! There are loads of them at school in the mornings. They are usually the ones not rushing around like a stressed-out blue-bottle

When the DCs are little staying at home is not the easy option. A day at work is like a day out . But once they are in school it can be boring.
I work at home now so best of both worlds - but I know a lot of Mums who are kind of busy doing nothing. Nowt wrong with that but wouldn't suit me

Busy doing nothing??? What a bl**dy cheek. You are no better than the wmoan in my original post. So today my nothing has comprised of kids morning routine, off to school etc,back to the school once dropped off to take some class information they wanted to bring,cleaning toilets,general tidying up,changing sheets & putting on line,ironing yeaterdays washing,booking car service and I have just come back from Tesco!Is it ok with you if I have a coffee before I pick them up and take them to swimming lessons then make tea, bath, bed,wait for my teenage to come home from his mates.....???

God no, I never feel inferior over this....

If another school mum said to me, "what are you doing all day, nothing I suppose" I would reply rather smugly "Yes and it's bloody great"

Litchick* I plan to up the small amount of work I do in the evenings at the moment to during school hours once mine are all at school, but then I had a freelance business run largely from home before we began our family. I know some people crave the company of the office etc.

The other thing is that working for myseelf I've never some been part of a hierarcical work environment- I think that can make it hard for some people to adjust to the role of mother/father at home.

But I agree about how tragic it is that peopple only value work that is paid. If we all thought that society would really grind to a halt. There is a lot of volunteering that goes on in society today, and people really should remember that when they are asessing the intrinsic 'value' of work.