is your dh/dp very shouty at your dc?

[cheesesarnie]

i can get in moods with best of them but my dh seems so angry alot of the time.if ,for example,ds1 is being a pain,dh explods.shouting,really angry etc.like i said i too can shout,im not perfect.but he seems to go too far.

Ask your DH whether he would like it if (a) you spoke to him the way he speaks to the children (b) the children spoke to him the way he speaks to them.

Point out to him that he is modelling a violent communication style and that it would be much better for all your family if you could all, as a general rule, communicate gently and politely.

it does me.its like another child,so instead of just sorting out whatever is wrong with ds(or any of them,not just picking on ds but was yesterday made me think of it),but telling dh to calm down,then calming ds.

ds 1 has begun to copy the violent communication.hes 7.that makes dh even madder.

NO.

I can't abide shouting. It's ghetto.

If your DH's communication style towards the children is really bad (it sounds as if it might be from the small amount of information you give), you might think of steering him towards some therapy/a communications workshop?

How do his parents talk to him, and to one another, and to your children?

Children copy everything. My DD (3.10) copies her pre-teen brothers (in French) .

Fortunately they are very shocked when they hear her say the things they do and have more or less managed to restrain themselves in her presence.

My cousins dh used to be the same with their older ds when he was younger. Now they are 4 and 6 and he is much better. My cousin has encouraged him to take older ds to football at the weekends and it has done them the world of good to get out and enjoy something together.

How old are your dc?

anna where would i find out about this sort of thing?
his parents both now gone.but both were lovely and cant imagine growing up that they were anything but,.perfect grandparents too.

8,7 and 2

Ask him to leave the room if he can't behave appropriately. That might give him an insight into his own behavior.

cheesesarnie - just start asking around in a discreet way - you could ask your HV or GP who might be able to point you in the right direction; local vicar (even if you aren't a churchgoer).

that is how it is SmugColditz ,he behaves like a child almost so i have to treat him like a child-as in leave the room etc.

im freindly with our local vicar,can ask him.thankyou.its one of those things i thought do i post,do i namechange etc.its not nice and must be sorted-i knew i could get advise here!

Well we're quite a loud family, I'm not sure we're shouty, shouty but we do tend to be quite noisy and tbh dh tends to silently fume more often than vent. I am the 'oh for crying out loud' one.

Does your dh even realise he's doing it? Try recording him on your mob and play it back to him. Chances are he may not even realise how it sounds iyswim.

Vicars can sometimes be very helpful/insightful about family dynamics - hope you get something from him

ranting thats a fantastic idea!its not just the volume,its what he says too-sometimes quite visicious(bad spelling i know).its just not nice.

Oh I see, yes there is a difference between volume and what is actually said. I bet he doesn't realise how he sounds, he would probably get the shock of his life if he heard it.

i think he will-will defiantly be trying it!

This is very interesting to me. My DH can be the same too. I think it seemed to stem from losing his Mum to a brain tumour 4 years ago. His family are not the type to show their feelings and I think he was unknowingly taking his grief out on the children. Things came to a head when I pointed this out to him during a heated moment. I was also worried as one of our sons was also becoming very angry but has now improved too. Until this point he wouldnt even mention his Mum never mind her death. I can shout too but usually when I am at my wits end. His anger often seemed inappropriate. I also told him he should go to the GP for help. Dont know if he did but has been better recently. Do you think this could be the case with your DH?

maybe-i think its been for quitea while,before his mum died but maybe after his dad died but has possibly got worse since his mum iyswim???.thankyou for very honest post.

My dh is like this. He's getting worse not better. NO way would he talk to anyone, and if I ever (increasingly frequently) mention it, we end up having an argument

ernest im not sure my dh will talk to anyone,and im sure will end in arguement.but i am going to try recording him,thatll robably be 'wrong' but might make him think.hes off to france for week soon so i might recod it before he goes and stick it in his bag.

record not recod