OK when will my DD stop poo-ing in her pants???

[MinkyBorage]

She has been dry for a couple of months, dry through the night, no problem whatsoever, but when it comes to doing a poo, the only place she wants to do one is in her pants. She is 2.10 and very keen to wear knickers, and do wees in the toilet potty etc.
Went through a stage a few weeks ago where she did a few poos in potty and toilet, and actually had a couple of completely 'clean' days, but since then, things have just gone down hill again.
Thinking about it, it seems better if we stay at home with no knickers on........ now there's an idea, but unfortunately just not practical atm, we need to at least pop out most days, even if I cancelled all the groups and social things we do and you could guarantee that the five minute trip to drop off the library books or post a letter was when she did it. Also she's started nursery teo afternoons a week, and still does it there.
Anyone been through the same?

Just bumped a similar thread for you Minky..any use?

does she understand that she is not supposed to? is she embarrassed about it?

Thanks for bump on other thread LP.
DDF, I was really laid back about it for a while not wanting to create any issues. We started potty training for the first time in March when the problems started, and then we had to go away for a long weekend which coincided with her having a tummy bug, so nappies went back on until I thought she may have forgotten about it all, and we could start afresh. Since the very beginning, she has been promised a scooter once she starts to poo in the potty and toilet. She knows this, but iobviously she's quite young so it's a bit abstract. I've done a poo on the potty myself (gross I know, but I was desperate) and afterwards we had a poo poo party where we had dancing and crisps and pig sweets etc etc. She know she gets a sweet if she does one in the potty/toilet, but it makes no difference. We went away for the weekend with friends of ours a couple of weeks ago and after a particularly stressful lunch, she pood in knickers, DH picked her up and carried her back to me creating much mess in trousers, and I lost my temper with her whilst trying to clear it up which I felt awful about afterwards.
She isn't embarassed, but does apologise, which I feel really bad about. It's like she feels guilty about it, but doesn't really believe she can control it.
She knows she isn't supposed to do it, so often, she will try to hold it in which only results in her doing about three small poos in one day. Oh joy!
I'm at the end of my tether, and am now considering cancelling all our arrangements for the week and staying in which will drive us all mad, but I can't see another way.
HELP!

Well we had SIX MONTHS of this (sorry!). Started potty training when she was 2.9, mastered the weeing bit no problem but would only poo in her pants.

She did it every day, at home, nursery, playgroup, other people's houses. God it was tedious.

In the end, we used bribery. Told her she would only get choc buttons if she did a poo in the toilet. And withheld the chocs until she did it. So even if she did something else well, she still got told "you'll get a choc button if you poo in the toilet". I even once removed a sweetie from her hand that my Mum had given her.

It took about two weeks , but one day something clicked. She have me that look that said "I'm a about to poo" then muttered under her breath "chocolate buttons" then said "I need to go to the potty, I need a poo". Gave her lots of big praise and her buttons of course.

Since then, no problem. But I feel for you, it's hell and I really blamed myself.

Hope this helps - we did the reward thing before, but it was the denying her the treat thing that worked for us.

Thanks squeaver, I'll try that, she has been getting a pig sweet when she does a wee, and funnily enough yesterday I told her that she will only geth them for poos from now on. I've decided to stay in for three days to see if it helps. Also your post is reassuring, a friend told me that she'd heard of this continuing for two years! so six months is a lot better than that.

I'm sure it lasted so long for us because we kept trying different things but not sticking to them e.g. getting cross, ignoring, all the rest of it. Just sticking to something religiously for a few days should really help.

And think of all the MNing essential jobs you can do while you're at home for a few days.

Have left you a message on the "twunt" thing on the other thread btw

Thanks squeaver.
Place is a mess already, dd2 covered in paint and asleep, dd1 covered in paint and watching tv. Think this may be my life for the next few days!
Will try to stick with this, although I think it may take longer than I am hoping as dd1 is quite strong willed and can hold it in for ages! (unless she's wearing knickers!)

I am watching these threads with real interest as DS1 (not quite two) does wees fine for last month and has managed 3 or 4 potty poos.

He will tell me when he wans a poo and even ask for his potty/toilet. He knows he gets special stickers AND choc for poos but still saves it up for the night nappy.

Not quite the same problem as pooing in pants but I would imagine the reason for the potty/toliet resistance for the poo is the same.

Bump any similar threads you find for me please!

dd- 2.6 same as your DD milky, will only poo in pants- am getting v. tired of it now ! weeing fine also and has also been trained a couple of months, with a week or so of weeing regression somewhere in the middle but 3-4 poos in pants daily- home, out and about, nursery etc.

This is complicated by the fact that she has toddler diarrohea- confirmed by paed. We trained her on his advice as her bottom was red raw and skin breaking down from all pooing- (sorry- TMI). Skin problem sorted now but cleaning up loads of pooey pants everyday is driving me and dh mad.

Sometimes I don't think she genuinely realises she has done it but other times she says- 'I've done a poo poo'. Have tried bribery- latest with chocolate mice which worked twice- immediately did two small poos in successsion in the potty, then didn't bother after that. It seems to work like this with each new ploy I try

My real guess is that she is not yet ready to poo in potty/toilet and that we will just have to put up with this as I have completely run out of ideas. It is sooo frustrating and I do try not to get cross but it is difficult isn't it.

My thought was to try staying at home for a couple of days with no pants on and see if that helped but haven't had the heart or time to do it yet as I work PT and DH on nights this month.

Sorry for long rambling post- not much help but wanted to let you know you are by no means alone.

ps off to drown my sorrow in packet of white choc mice as I doubt DD will earn any in next couple of days [bad mummy emotion!]

I do apologise minky!!

elizabethsmum, thank you for post, I wrote a long reply this morning, but lost it, will try again later. However, it's good to know someone going through same thing. We had a success yesterday, but she's held it in all day today. I think she'll only actually use the potty if she knows it's an emergency and I'm there to guide her.

Hmmmm.
Hope you enjoyed the choc mice. May have to up the ante with the treats, I'm tempting her with m & s pig sweets, but reckon a chocolate mouse might be a bit more tempting.... I can but hope!
Good luck

elizabethsmum, thank you for post, I wrote a long reply this morning, but lost it, will try again later. However, it's good to know someone going through same thing. We had a success yesterday, but she's held it in all day today. I think she'll only actually use the potty if she knows it's an emergency and I'm there to guide her.

Hmmmm.
Hope you enjoyed the choc mice. May have to up the ante with the treats, I'm tempting her with m & s pig sweets, but reckon a chocolate mouse might be a bit more tempting.... I can but hope!
Good luck

ds1 about 8 months of enormous poos in pants. Seemed worried about pooing in the toilet/potty (liked weeing in the toilet, but only cracked that reliably months later). As soon as he managed a poo in the toilet we gave him a thomas the tank engine book (50 for £30) and told him one for every poo in the toilet...he now has all 50, the Mr Men and the Little Miss books and he now gets a book for a clean and dry day...one day he will get there...unbribed....

That's a good idea mbwus, infact that's brilliant! I'll have a hunt for a bargain like that.
I've messed up massively today. She did a poo in the potty at 10am, I gave her so much praise, a few pig sweets a couple of pieces of chocolate, and thought we might as well make the most of it not having to wait for poo, so went to the park. Talk about positive reinforcement. Met a friend there who congratulated her etc. Then at 11:30, she did a poo in her knickers. I stupidly thought that I'd blown it so might as well go out for a sandwich somewhere rather than going home to resume our waiting for poo vigil, and 1:30, she did another. I feel like we've stayed in for 2 1/2 days for NOTHING! Yesterday was a hard day, and there was just no point.

Oh Minky, don't give up. I like the idea of the books as a reward. Also, have a search for other threads on this - there's lots of other good ideas there.

Tomorrow's another day!

Well done for the success- I've just decided to not beat myself up over the poo accidents anymore as otherwise we would never go anywhere! We are trying to spot when DD needs to go after every meal (but sometimes it can be up to 2 hrs later so can't wait around trying to catch it all day (so to speak!) Was going to think about upping the ante with rewards as I have now eaten most of the choc mice, but she really doesn't seem that bothered- so not sure whether to keep wasting money on more treats at the moment!

We too have had a couple of small successes-one poo in the potty on tue (after my mother's careful suervillance all afternoon!) and one poo in the toilet at nursery, but then two or three other poo accidents both days. Not a good day today either but hey I was at work so DH had to deal with runny poo down PJ leg after he had just taken clean nappy off 5 mins earlier

Think this thread may be continuing for a while yet......

Minky / Elizabethsmum

My ds1 did this for what felt like ages, but was, on reflection, a couple of months. I got really depressed about it as I couldn't understand why or what to do about it, particularly as he clearly didn't like it either. I would get cross at having to clean up, and then really upset with myself as it didn't work and we both ended up in tears .
In the end, he just spent the whole time without pants when we were at home. He also hated to be reminded about going to the potty so I just had it in the middle of the sitting room (lovely!!), so that he always knew where it was. We had a few instances of poos in pants when out and about or when pants were required at home (like my parents' ruby wedding party...), but we just said never mind, let's try and get to the potty next time, plus always a chocolate button or three if a poo was done in the right place.
Finally it seemed to click when I least expected it: just after ds2 was born in July. I was expecting regression but think that persistence paid off and maybe he decided he would be the grown up boy.

Hang in there - she'll get there eventually!

Thank you TashaE. I hoep you're right. It's wearing pretty thin atm!

Thanks also from me for words of encouragement TashaE. Am thinking theat the no pants thing at home maybe more the way forward as you say I don't think my constant questionning of whether she wants a poo is helping! Today very unusually she only had two poos and one was in the potty- yeh! Waited in all morning but nothing- typical, as it was nice weather we were outside quite a lot of today- after dinner- by which time I reckoned she must be ready to go she was bare bottomed and I put her potty in her playhouse for extra novelty value and she went in and did a poo straight away- and said 'look mummy a snake poo!!'

She is really pleased with herself when she does do it and I know we will get there in the end. The thing I am most worried about is a forthcoming family wedding in a months time. So far she has been in pants full time but I am considering pull ups for the day as I can't face unpredictable pooing/outfit changes etc plus we will be staying over for two nights so can't really face all the pooey pants! What does anyone think- I promise it would only be for that day if necessary!!

We have this too, ds has never pooed in toilet or potty. I have now persuaded him to ask for a nappy when he's about to poo which makes life much easier even if I do have to carry nappies around still. I'm just reassuring him that he will manage it eventually and hoping that kicks in. If I try any harder to persuade him or leave pants off, he holds in the poo.

Am having exactly the same problem with my 3.5 year old son. He's brilliant at going to the potty on his own for peeing, but he doesn't even try to go there for poos - he just poos in his pants every single time, then urgently tells me he wants clean pants on and the poo to be thrown away! I seem to spend all day washing pants.
We tried rewards, star charts and the promise of an extra special present if he poos in the potty, but nothing has worked. He doesn't seem scared of doing it in the potty - when I ask him, he says he just likes pooing in his pants! Help!

So thankful to find this thread and will watch with interest! Am having same issue with dd, 2.6. No probs with wees at all but poos in pants every time. Usually we realise she has disappeared and gone quiet and we find her in the next room saying "I pooed"
Have just stopped the stickers we were giving for wees on toilet so she knows now she will only get for poos. Might try the book idea too.
She has done 1 in toilet and 1 in potty in past 2 months, but only when she has been alone - no idea why...?

Am having exactly the same problem with my youngest son who is 4 in January. Been reliably dry since he was 3 but will not poo in potty/toilet. He just doesn't seem to care. He does it at nursery, for anybody who happens to be looking after him etc. Am at my wits end. I have left his pants off and we have had the odd poo in the potty but on Sunday he pooed on my living room carpet and then covered it up with a blanket and squashed it in !!!

We have tried not reacting to it, tried lots of praise, tried bribery but as I said he just doesn't seem to care and he can be very wilful (youngest of 4 boys). Nursery have told me not to worry as he won't be doing it when he goes to school but I'm not so sure.

You would think that being the youngest of 4 that I would have some answers.

Hi there,

Lots of parents are going through the same problem or been there .. including myself.
I do not agree with somebody mention the word " embarrassment". Do not think for a minute a very young child will understand that word.
My experience has been the last 20 months. Took my son off nappies while on holiday and everything went very smooth, including the poo. Got him a potty while on holiday and manage to do both while standing.
Came back and still was at it, till my husband always says, done a huge one on the potty that must ave been sore. Do not have recollection as per had so far too many incidents. Since then, had always poo in his pants between six or nine times a day (somedays). When call health visitor her suggestion was that he should be taking responsability for his own mess. Never mind the advice, took him to GP and prescribed lactulose. Had tried not to give it everyday, as Im a great believer that a good diet helps in getting the bowels moving, but had it as a back up.
Went to Yorkill hospital ( I live in Glasgow and this is the H for sick children). He was examined and found perfectly fine.
My second child was born in February this year and I though wether the problem will worsen or get better. Still the same. Someone from the continence department came in to see me and talk about it and suggested the prescription or MOVICOL (another laxative) to make him go more, but found it was to agrresive as can get a bit messy. Back to GP again, another doctor, suggested a referal letter to a psychologist (still on waiting list) due to she considered was more to do with behaviour than anything else.
Without any success, carry on doing in pants.
Continence department popped in again and suggested and abdominal x-ray to rule out any internal problems which was denied once we went to hospital due to doctor said " theres no way this child is constipated" they get to see children with that problem and their tummys are huge! because they have not been able to do proper poos for about two/three weeks, they feel ill and they can actually feel the poo in their stomachs.
She did perform and a**al examination and she reassured me he was absolutely fine otherwise it will feel like a bag of marbles.
After that it was time to act.
A week before my son turned 4, had stopped being getting so crossed with him and never mentioned the subject again ( and believe me before i had tried, stickers, toys, sweets, ice cream, everything possible as we parents will do, but nothing).
And finally sat him on the toilet. He cried, but never heard the cried at all. He did not do any , but at least he sat. He gradually starting to give up.
I m still taking the baby in there with me, sometimes we have a snack, do games, make him laugh, anything possible to make him relax and to realise it is no so bad being there.
Last tuesday after his football class finished, hide and done one so big that it stained the inside of his whit shorts. His dad showed him and I think he understood a bit more.
The day after, wednesday last week for the first time, he have done one in the toilet. It was huge, and after that he was so happy!!!, saturday have done another one again, and again so happy and have said " it is not sore"!!. A few days passed and nothing but kept sitting on the toilet everyday for about 3 times. Till yesterday I though, well if nothing happens by tonite it'll be sore, so decided while out bought him something to eat and a cold bottle of ginger, sat on the toilet, eating and had half a glass of drink and ten minutes after that all came out, and again happy again!!

This is my story. I fell like Im turning a corner.
Whatever you do, do not get cross as will not help with the situation.
Give her time.... Maybe she has not matured the poo yet. Im not saying that you will go through the 20 months we still a bit are, but it will take same time.
I think you have got to carry out your life as normal as possible. You cannot cancel your groups or whatever you do on the social side.
Personally I have lived with my son and his smell eversingle day, but I have accepted it. Just put a big change of pants on my bag, wipes and three change of trousers and had carry on normally. I never felt embarraseed about this, I had felt more like a failure for not being able to help my son, but we are finally getting there.
Patience its very rewarding also perseverance.

I think we as parents, feel this enormous anxiety that things have to fall into place by certain time, and so on, so on... and at least for me, it is so wrong!.
Everything its a matter of time. Why do we put so much pressure on our children? at the end of the day we are all individuals and developed at different paces.

Take care

oh what a lovely post sweet cheeks

I too am going through the same thing as you all with dd 2.8.
Wees great but poos at least 3-5 times in her knickers during the day.
I was losing my temper
I decided to put her back into nappies last week so if she did soil these it was not a big deal to clean up and meant I was less likely to lose temper.

She still wees on toilet as is she was wearing knickers, so I dont see it as a step back.
Lactulose seemed to clear her out, but her stools are bery sloppy and also very smelly so she may have a touch of toddler diorhoea
She did have a poo on toilet yesterday and we filled in her sticker chart for a scooter but today she refused to sit on the loo and pooed in the knickers again

TBH I dont think she has any control of it, its as if she is having farts and passing little bits of poo with each one.

I keep thinking she is still only young and not to get too het up about it, but its soooooo hard.