Working mothers are guilty of child abuse!

[Janos]

Firstly can I just make it clear, before anyone jumps down my throat that this is not my opinion in any way shape or form. I thought it would be the best way to get people's attention .

To explain - I read an article in a parenting magazine where two mums gave their opinion on working with children. The one from the non working mum had me absolutely splitting blood. here's a quote from the article...

"Women should stay at home until their children are at least school age. I'm disgusted by mums who say they aren't prepared to stop work. A nursey can't love a child like a mother. To me it's a form of acceptable abuse"

These comments have made me really on so many levels. Doesn't this woman realise that children are abused in far worse ways (yes, sometimes by SAH parents, sadly )than being cared for by someone else!

Well, anyway I'd love to know what other MNetters think about this. And if the woman in the article reads this...bring it on. GRRR!

Caligula

Don't worry I intend to, God, what a minefield

The journalist who unearthed that little nugget must have been licking her chops. Agree with Caligula.
I spent years at home with a mum who clearly struggled with the SAHM thing and was only really happy when working at least p/t outside the home.
I have to work f/t and miss my children a lot, tbh. But we wouldn't have a home if I didn't.
So long as you try and do the best for your children...

SAHMs presumably have a hubby/partner bringing in enough cash to enable them to chose whether or not to work - good for them. Some of us are not quite so lucky. Seems like greater child abuse to me to render your kids homeless/starving/on the bread line out of some bizarre conviction that being at home doing the hoovering is better for your kids than putting them in quality day care...

I really tried to be a full time SAHM but I need external validation to feel self worth. I was miserable at home full time. Having a miserable mum is not good for a child.

I'd love to know if the woman in the article believes that the state should fund mothers to stay at home if they want to but can't afford to, in order to stop this so called abuse?

Bet she doesn't.

This is turning into a bit of a sahm versus working mum thing. It doesnt need to, everyone does what they need to to support their own family and if they feel the need to justify it by slating the other way then it is obviously not making them or their childtren happy.

And also, if she genuinely believes it's abuse, what should be done about it? Should all the toddlers in the country be rounded up and put into care?

When you start thinking about the logical ramifications of her position, it gets quite amusing!

What magazine was it Janos?

Message withdrawn

wheresmyfroggy

I totally and utterly agree, as I said my original post was a dig at the silly woman and her ridiculous views on working mums.

Just read more posts - what's wrong with mothers who don't work outside the home leaving their kids in nurseries? If it's OK for the children of women who work in the cash economy, it's OK for the children of women who don't. Why get angry about them? It's their choice. If they can afford to not work outside the home and pay nursery fees, good luck to 'em.

I agree with duster - happy mothers make happy children.

Caligula, you are right of course about ignoring her views. I just thought her comment regarding abuse was so out of order!

The magazine is Mother & Baby, March 2005. No doubt the journalist who wrote the article is thrilled to bits with the reaction - I bet they get loads of letters.

It's not so long ago that women who had children weren't able to go out to work - neither of my grandmothers did. And my own mum has said she wished she had gone back to work (she did, but certainly after my sister was born)and that was only 30 years ago.

I guess my point is that we are all different - some mums enjoy being at home, some don't. Wheresmyfroggy and happymum put it much better than me!

caligula - that's me - I am a SAHM but I send my ds2 (age 3.5) to nursery 3 days a week - and I know I'm not the only one on MN who does.

I wonder if we should also consider attending school as some form of child abuse. Or is that the cut-off age between what?s acceptable and what isn?t? It?s quite miraculous, isn?t it, one day it would be child abuse, then the child is one day older and starts school and it?s not so anymore.

I used to get worked up when I read comments like this. Now I just think what a deeply unhappy woman. I?d hate to be in her husband?s shoes, she must have a very black and white view of the world. Mostly black.

This woman did also say that she had never left her children with a babysitter, which I thought was a bit odd.

Does she mean she's never been away from them, ever?

This woman did also say that she had never left her children with a babysitter, which I thought was a bit odd.

Does she mean she's never been away from them, ever?

oops, sorry about the double post.

Did she ever leave them with her husband or relatives? If she can't afford a babysitter then she's making a virtue out of a necessity. As others have said, shows it's her problem.

When I had my DS I had both my parents over here for a few months to help me out. For a couple of months I think I never went anywhere as I was too neurotic to leave DS out of my sight, even if it was with my mum & dad! Thankfully I learned to trust them and my DH too, then other people too, professional paid carers and even, horror of horrors, friends who didn't have any children themselves. In fact, said friends are babysitting this Thursday evening so we can go to the cinema one last time before baby no. 2 arrives.

I went back to work 3 days a week when dd was 6.6 mths old and full time when she was 2. She is now (at almost 7 - and has been all along)one of the happiest, brightest, most well-adjusted, thoughtful and kind children I know - and top of her class and popular to boot (boast, boast!) (ok - I may be biased but have had other similar comments from people who are not). If that's the way an "abused" child turns out then maybe more should be similarly "abused". The woman is an ill-informed idiot. Also, does she not realise that for most mums it is not a case of 'not being prepared" to stop work - it's needs must in many instances - as it was in mine. Oh yes, I also split from her father when she was 18mths so was an irresponsible (!) single parent as well. Amazing she's turned out so well really...

I became a SAHM in September for several personal reasons but as my DD had been in nursery 3 days per week from age 5.5 months to age 22 months, I felt incredibly guilty pulling her out of the nursery that she had grown to love. She has friends there and is taken care of so I kept her in 2 half days per week.

Not all nurseries are created equally but some children do end up loving being at nursery. To make such a sweeping generalisation and chuck it into the same barrel as 'child abuse' is madness.

OMG only just seen this!!!

So, say you suffer with pnd or even just enjoy your job, obviously after reading this and feeling like a monster you decide to stay chained to your babies/childs side 24 hours a day "to be a good mum" and then spend all day feeling like a prisoner, crying because you feel frustrated by the situation, snap at your child, hate you life and end up resenting the one thing you've given up your life for...i suppose that would be good parenting right?

I am a SAHM and i suffer with pnd, there have been times when i would have chewed off my own arm to go to work and do something productive and adult just for a few hours.
How many of us have left our babies for hours, half a day, even a whole day and returned feeling happier, more contended, more relaxed and 10 times more patient? It does not mean you love your baby any less, it just means you still love and value yourself and your own time.

If it makes you happy, it makes your baby happy. This is good parenting.

Oh this is obviously such a load of arse, not even worth getting wound up about!