So, do you go out with your DCs at least once a day, or are you quite good at staying in & amusing yourselves??

[caspercat]

Cos DH & I had a HUGE row last night, where he accused me of hating staying in with 2yr old DD & things are 'obviously not right' with me cos i take her out every day. This stung, cos i had PND after she was born, & literally booked up my days weeks in advance to keep myself busy & from having to stay in with her all the time. But that was 2yrs ago, and since then am off ADs & feel absolutely fine. I now work 3 days a week, & on the days i don't, we're usually always out, either meeting friends, food shopping, swimming lessons & monkey music. Or just to the park or to feed the ducks.
I must admit to wondering what we're going to do every weekend, esp when the weather is crap, but things just happen & before we know it, it's Monday again!
Anyway, what i really want to know is, am i really that unusual in not staying in all day with DD, cos the friends i have with LOs do the same but DH doesn't believe me. I love being with DD, & she's generally a really good girl, but i think we both need to get out at least once a day - does that make me an insecure parent??
Sorry for the long post, & thankyou for any replies xx

Well, personally I love having in-days. Dont get me wrong; if we had too many the ds's would go beserk. But I can kind of see where your dh is coming from actually. I know of some SAHMs wh oare so busy being out, with friends or shops or whatever, that there kids really have no attention span or 'academic' side for want of a better word, cant entertain themselves at home at all without being really needy. I'm not for one minute suggesting you are this kind of family, but maybe your dh is worried that it might become a little like that? Or maybe he is just genuinely worried about you filling your time with so much back to back that you never have any chillout time?

Its good for children to go out each day- healthy, fresh air, free entertainment (well, my 2 year old loves looking at stones, pigeons, garden walls lol), good exercise, encourages socialisation (visiting mummy friends, saying 'good morning to neighbours), stimulating for their brain (learning route home, observing seasonal changes, learning how shopping works etc), great starting point for talking about all sorts etc etc.

(And I am someone who HATES leaving the house )

The Government have even specified that all children in Foundation Stage must have access to out-of-doors freely.

Sounds like you're a great mum, and DD is having a fab time.

I think he's just narked about his cottage pie!

Have just noticed where you live! Yes- If I lived somewhere that gorgeous, even I would go out everyday!

Thanks for a different point of view, mrm, i do get what you're saying. But we're not out all day - the days we're not in a rush (i.e nursery, swimming), i do plenty with DD before we leave - we play with her toys, i rarely put telly on, she plays happily with her toys while i do some chores, i even ask her if she wants to come upstairs with me while i get ready - sometimes she does and again amuses herself while i dress, or helps me choose my clothes , sometimes she says "no", i give her a kiss & she plays by herself while i dress. When we go out with friends, they're always kiddy things - i never sit in a coffee shop chatting & expect her to enjoy that. I don't think he's worried about my chillout time, he certainly wasn't last night when i spent 2 hrs in the kitchen cooking(his cottage pie!) & cleaning before i finally sat down at 9pm!
But i see your point, i just wish it was his point too!!

Now there's an interesting thought. If I stayed in for a week with dd would she be able to entertain herself at home without being needy? Something of a chicken and egg problem for us as I might well feel less compelled to go out if she would. But we are in most of most days - and no luck so far!

So I wonder if sometimes the mums of 'needy' children go our more because the children are so demanding rather than vice versa.

at LEAST once a day - if not twice

always have done else, then I enjoy the time we are at home

Why would you stay in every day??! There's a big wide world out there to explore for your kids and i would say you are doing the best thing for them by going out every day. I go mad if i stay in all day, even if its just going out to the shops or for a walk i have to do it.

I try to go out every day,
if its crap weather then i always have aplan of action for the day, baking with him etc, or even just watching DVDs, have to say that mine wont sit still through a DVD for more than 5-10 mins so its in my interest to ensure that we are busy.

How strange! Could you show him this thread so he realises how totally bizarre his opinion is? I also work three days with DS in nursery - IMO I owe it to him to take him out, usually for the whole day, on the days I'm with him, as he spends most of the nursery day indoors. It is far, far better for him, he gets exercise, sees a range of interesting things (zoo, museums, galleries, beach etc), learns about stuff we have to do and how to help (food shopping, post office, getting car fixed). How can staying in all day possibly be better than that? Obviously we do some stuff at home sometimes if it's awful weather, baking etc., but apart from illness I've never spent the whole day in. Complete madness IMO.

I think it is good for young children to go out regularly, even if it is only a walk to the shops. When ds was really young I felt very panciky about staying in the house and filling my time. I felt lazy at home and then the never ending domestic chores would be there. I use to plan all my days and weekends being away from the house. Even when i went back to work I would panic about filling the weekends because I was never comfortable with being on my own with ds (husband works long hours and all weekend). Now, ds is 2.4 and I am feeling more comfortable about spending time at home playing with him. However, we still go out everyday, even if it just for a short walk. Does us both good. Your husband sounds jealous of all the lovely time you spend with your dd. Well done for having the confidence to join these activities (I never did!)

If it were just me to think about, I would happily spend time by myself in the house as there are so many things I could be doing, however, I go out just about every day even if it is only down to the shops as I believe that it is better for DD to get out and see different aspects of her world and get some fresh air. She is younger than your DD so for her it also helps her get to sleep in the afternoon. I will still try and get out most days when I am back at work as she will spend time in at nursery. I agree with other posters, you seem to be doing brilliantly.

Thanks all again for your comments, you're all being so kind, saying i'm doing well, that really helps. DH came home last night & immediately apologised. I told him he'd said hurtful things, & that i'd done some research (daren't show him this thread, he'd freak out that someone might recognise us ) & that the majority of mums seem to go out at least once a day. I used the dog analogy suggested above, that seemed to work! He also said we'd get a cleaner, cos we never seem to keep on top of the cleaning & that gets me down. Undecided wether to leave him with DD tomorrow, cos surely it's better for us to have family time all together as often as we can?? Will see how he behaves tonight .
Anyway, thanks again, MN to the rescue once more xxxxx

A cleaner is a great idea. IMO (though I know not all MNers agree) looking after your DCs and doing interesting things with them is your jb, if your partner is out of the house working that's their job, and housework is something for you both to take responsibility for in the evenings or get a cleaner. I do the odd bit with DS but I'd be less than impressed if DP complained that I wasn't keeping the house clean on my days with DS. That's not what those days are for! They are for quality time and having fun and doing things out of the house.

Casper. I hate being in the house during the day (even with out kids lol). We go out everyday if not twice!

When I was on mat leaves i did have conversations with dh about spending too much money on activities (these things add up)and cafes. We limit the number of paid activities and do as much free stuff as possible (park, library, swimming, toddler group) and come back for lunch. I don't know if this is an issue for you or not.

Definately leave DH with DD tomorrrrow and get out by yourself, at least for 1a couple of hrs. You can do family things on Sun. I found this essential when mine were little.

If she's happy and it makes you happy too, what is his problem? Has he ever stayed in all day with her solo - and coping for one day doesn't count as that's novelty dad rather than day to day normality. I'd bet he'd be out and about just like you if he did. I couldn't stay in all day with my DS ever, I'd go nuts and so would he. He is very active though.

I work three and a half days a week and the days that i have with my dds (2 and 3) are always spent out and about. For all our sakes. I would go mad beinag in the house with them all day and they love going out. Actually we sat and watched Anastasia this afternoon but had already wallked into town in the morning. Young children need variety and in my opinion, nothing is better than picnics and parks, shopping and seeing friends.

Every day without fail. Twice. (Playground too before teatime.) I'm a better parent when I'm out than in. At home tiredness or the long list of jobs to do usually take precedence to playing / engaging with dss.

I only have one day a week off with dd23m apart from the weekends and all those days are pretty packed.

I can't physically stay in the house too long dd or no dd a kind of low level depresssion and inertia comes over me and I have to get out!!

We do parks, go to see horses at riding stables (the current favourite) farms, book corner at the library, ducks, shops, cafe anything really. I've been to soft play once NEVER AGAIN, neither of us like it!

Coping with a nearly 2 year old at home all day bouncing off the walls isn't an option. She's been out everyday since she came home from hospital unless ill and that's how we'll continue!

YANBU

How odd your DH is.

It is really good for everyone to go out every day.

Must admit I'm a bit crap at baking/crafty type activities and prefer to be outside myself. feel like a crap mummy when I'm in as I struggle to think of meaningful activities!

I'm like Muffin, a real homebody. But I aim (and force myself) to go out with dd (2.3) at least once a day as I think it's good for her and us. Although my favourite 'going out' is going round to someone else's house (pref with garden) for coffee

But we easily spend the day pottering and watching a dvd or two - I love rainy days

Anyway, point is: think your dp has it all wrong. It's important for kids to be out. And your primary job is to look after her, not cook andclean (IMHO).