Parents of onlies does anyone else feel like me

[chocaddict]

Hi
My ds is 7 and an only and for some time I have felt really bad about the fact that he doesn,t have siblings, or any cousins of his own age to play with.
I live in a area where you probably just see children going past the house but not actually playing near our house that he could run out to and mix in with.
I have always been a shy mom a real curse for me and I don,t really have any mom friends, I have recently managed to pluck up the courage to arrange playdates for my ds and have gone out of my way during these 6 weeks summer holidays to have school friends over to our house and have even taken the odd one out for the day with us.
I generally have to do all of the chasing with people I usually text them as I find it easier, but nobody ever gets in touch with me and hardly ever returns a playdate or suggests any get togethers.
I feel so sad that I would have to keep doing this if my ds is to have anyone to play with at all, and I find it a strain to be the only one that seems bothered about doing it.
I have terrible regrets about my ds being an only but have been unable to have any more dc's for various reasons.
I have become aware also that many children seem to have a good network of friends whether in their neighbourhood, or within the family and I feel awful that I don,t have that for my ds.
Just wondering if I am alone in feeling like this or is this all in my head as my dp seems to think it is.
He also thinks I have gone over the top with playdates during the holidays, but its only because I am aware that if I didn,t do it my ds would basically never see another child the whole of the 6 weeks.

I am 37 minnie and feel like one of the older moms by a long shot, most of them are in their twenties.
I could never barge in, much too difficult for me, I look at people engaged in conversation chatting away with ease and just don,t have a clue how to break in.
If I do try I always end up on the outside of a conversation and end up not being part of it.

Choc - just knock on the woman's door, or bump into her in the street, and say you'd be delighted if her ds and brother would like to come and play with ds - or something like that - I'm hopeless with words, but wonder if the direct approach is better than note thru the door?
You keep saying about other boys all happily playing with siblings / cousins but a) for how long, as they eventually wind each other up! and b) bet their parents wish their dc had friends rather than being limited to family to play with.

Minnie - maybe she is just shy and may think you are just being polite. Maybe suggest a specific date for coffee? I too often feel like this (i.e. something wrong with me) in the park with ds, smiling at other mums who just sort of stare back and walk away when we arrive. Its really hard. I also worry about looking desperate. I get on well with people at work, but its such a minefield trying to make friends with strangers.

BTW your age wouldn't put me, or others in this thread off I'm sure, I'm in my mid 30s,(and prob not as well preserved as you!) 40's is not old!

Yes I think its really tough actually raising an only.
Its hard entertaining them they are more demanding on your time, and there are lots of things that are quite awkward I feel with an only, such as the park, soft play, etc when you haven,t got anyone you can just call on and say fancy a trip to the park with the dc's.
Yes I think its really hard I know I have found it hard anyway.

Choc, I think kids of your ds age are quite flexible in their friendships and who they play with, so hopefully he'l settle in fine with his classmates. His teacher will no doubt help with this.
Good luck with the other mums Look at it as a fresh start for you both. Could you get involved in the PTA to get to know other mums if the school has one?

No somebody's age wouldn,t put me off either.
I have thought about sending my ds to knock on their door and asking if they will come out and play with him, however I am not sure if he would, he can be a little shy sometimes.
I worry about looking like I am going over the top trying to arrange playdates for my ds and looking desperate.

Choc I think you sound really nice and I think if you came across as nice and pleasant (and so what if a bit shy),and not apologetic in your manner at all, then the other mum should think its great you've approached her. She may even think your're really sociable! If not, then her loss.

Maybe just say you'd noticed your dses seem to be the same age, no one else in the street the same age, and would it be ok for them to get together.

I am keeping my fingers crosses that my ds will make a couple or so good friends at his new school, and maybe in time I can invite them to our house and get to know their parents.
Don,t want to jump in too soon though will give it time.

I feel alone with this problem colum although I realise now from this thread that there is people feeling the same thing.
Its just that when your actually experiencing feeling like this it does feel like its just you.
I suppose I think that other moms including this mom up the street are not feeling as I am because their children have a bunch of siblings or cousins to play with and no need to add my ds into the making to ensure their child is not lonely.
One of the reasons I feel I may look desperate and trying to barge into thier lives so my ds has some company.
Crazy way to think I know, I would maybe feel better if it was another only child whose mom looked as if she was in a similar situation to me.

i have a few friends who also have only children (like me) and we have been useless at arranging anything this hols.

the time has sort of flown by, and I could have made more of an effort.

It's not just you, i sort of go into my own head during the hols, and get lazy too.

my dd has no cousins either, or uncles/aunts, or granparents nearby!! i do feel guilty sometimes, but i feel that she is doing ok, and she has a stable life with me.

Yes a stable homelife is probably more important than anything, doesn,t stop me worrying though.

I've been feeling alone with this problem too - and he is not even 2 yet!-, and can now see that I'm not.
I see what you are saying about the reasons why you might look desperate,not crazy at all but try to remember its just as important for kids to have friends to play with even if they do have siblings.
There are plenty people on MN who say they didn't get on with their siblings and this contributed to them having an only! You can still be lonely within a group of cousins / siblings and be quite desperate for a friend.

Other mums would surely be pleased if your ds wanted to be friends with theirs. But if he seems happy with his own company just go at his pace, try not to (unconsciously) let him think there's some kind of problem about it.