Should children be "made" to give goodnight/goodbye kisses?

[whatdayisit]

My Ds1 (7yo) has always had an aversion to overt shows of affection and even as a toddler was never really one for lots of kisses and cuddles. Now at 7 he positively hates it.

We've just got back from a few days with my sister and her 2 DS's age 1 & 2.

My DS1 was asked to kiss her 2 boys goodnight and refused. My view is that this is perfectly within his right and he shouldn't have to kiss someone if he doesn't want to. Similarly, he needs to know that he doesn't have to accept kisses he doesn't want and that if someone doesn't want him to kiss them he mustn't.

My sister's view was that he was rude and unkind and that he needs to learn that sometimes he needs to kiss someone to be polite.

What do you think?

Absolutely not! As a child I had an aversion to having to give everyone a kiss goodnight, It would have made me extremely uncomfortable to have to kiss aunts and uncles, cousins etc goodnight.

Dd is much the same and on the rare occassions that she doesn't want to kiss me goodnight, I just let her be, it's her choice.

absolutely never. They shouldn't ever be forced to show affection. Manners such as 'please' and 'thank you' are different.

Agree with ilovemydog, you don't HAVE to kiss and hug anyone you don't want to. Saying goodnight, please and thank you are different and are manners. I expect a seven year old to start to experiment with making their own boundaries.

I'm not sure I agree with your view keevasmum, whilst I understand the idea that older relatives etc may appreciate the contact etc I don't really think this is the responsibility of a child to take on and there are lost of other things that can be done rather than a kiss and a hug. I would not be happy with my children being disappointed by their friends not giving them a hug or kiss, even though I have a very demonstrative 2.2yo at the moment (understand this may change as she gets older, which is appropriate as they learn to set own boundaries) who hugs her friends/family tightly, kisses them and tells them she will always love them.

Actually AMIS that's what my sister suggested, not sure it would work for DS who also doesn't like holding hands though. Usually he will blow a kiss, but in this instance the child was right in his face, so his first priority was to get away.

We are very hot on please and thank you and he would never get away with not using those, to me or anyone else. ALso big on replying when spoken to and acknowledging a hello etc, which also doesn't come easily to DS1.

I don't think it's a manners issue either, in fact I think it's bad manners to get into someone elses personal space in the first place. I loathe people I don't know really well in my personal space, I am prickly beyond all belief about it, but I'm very polite, as you all no doubt know

I don't agree with forcing children to have physical contact with others when they don't want to - it sets a bad precedent I think. Being polite is different.