in a rut or tired or depressed or just pregnancy hormones??!!! arghhhh!!!

[happynappies]

I'm just on 13 weeks pg with #2, dd is 22 months old. I feel pathetic. This is going to be one horribly indulgent 'me me me' thread I'm afraid!!!

I feel totally exhausted the entire time - just been around the corner to the local shop to pick up a carton of milk (in the car!!) with dd and just picking her up from her car seat, bending to take her shoes off etc feel like the last straw!

I'm sick to the back teeth of toddler tantrums, screaming, kicking etc, and honestly feel myself snapping inside when dd does almost anything. All the lovely things that made my heart melt when she was younger are now lost in a fog of just trying to survive the day, and the day is just a relentless procession of meals before I finally collapse into my own bed.

Dh helps as much as he can, but he works full-time, and I only work one day a week (we share the childcare between us) so money is incredibly stretched - to the extent that I have a £5 budget a week which takes dd and I swimming and to a toddler group. The only other thing we buy is food and petrol, and I worry constantly about money.

I don't know why I bother going to the toddler group because it just exhausts me tearing around after dd, and friendly as the other mums are, I just don't have the energy to talk to them.

I can't have a break from dd as there isn't anyone else to look after her, and can't have any 'me time' as in haircut, gym, yoga, shopping, cafe etc as have no money.

I'm so unbelievably fed up, and don't know whether it is just the fact that this is the reality of motherhood, or whether it is just hard because I'm pregnant, or whether I'm actually depressed and should seek help. I have absolutely no patience, lose my temper all the time, feel like I'm always hysterically shouting and yelling at dh, and crying, getting things out of perspective, and everyone else (friends, relatives etc) just seem to annoy me. I can't find solace in anything - too tired to even read a book or watch tv, and wonder whether anyone could tell me it will get better or whether I actually need to do something about it myself.

Sorry again for being so self-indulgent - a chance I never get in real life!

anyone?

This may sound trite but are you iron deficient? I felt like that through my 2nd pregnancy, turns out I needed iron supplements.

You might be depressed though, although GP is unlikely to prescribe anything during pregnancy. I was depressed before 1st pregnancy and GP stopped my pills, although I was referred to the Psych for an assessment.

You are not being self indulgent whatever it is. If you are depressed, that's an illness not a self indulgence. If you are not depressed, you ARE pregnant so hormonally all over the place. Go and see your GP anyway. It can't hurt. "this page www.babyworld.co.uk/information/pregnancy/health/emotions/antenataldepression1.asp has some stuff on antenatal depression"

You don't really need money to have 'me time'. Can't your DH take your daughter for the evening or the day at the weekend and you could just escape? A walk or visit a friend or whatever just away from 'muminess'. Even if he can't. You don't have to entertain her all the time. Put her in the pushchair and go somewhere YOU want to go. Even if it's just throwing sticks at squirrels or something.

I find that as a mother sometimes it's hard to remember that you have needs too and that your child can sometimes just do what YOU want to do. They are not going to be damaged if you kick back occasionally and put a slushy film on! I'm sure she can potter about making a mess if you just spend a day watching telly/ eading a book or sitting on the sofa eating chocolate. As mothers we are expected to be on duty all the time. I think that we are giving our children unreal expectation. Sometimes they ARE NOT the centre of attention!

Sorry this is so long and rambling, but I really feel for you.,

PS Your DH could always tidy up the mess afterwards.