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Parenting

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Original poster

DD just called me ugly - feel upset

20 replies

oneplusone · 18/08/2008 21:06

It hasn't been a good day, i have terrible PMT and have been quite snappy on and off with DD all day. Anyway, earlier this evening she was not happy about something and called me ugly. I feel really upset as i do look pretty awful these days, due to my health which has been bad since i had the DC's. We have lots of pics up at home of our wedding and pre-DC's and DD can see how different i look now compared to then and i know that's why she thinks i look ugly now. She's only just 3 but i can't help feeling really upset. I wish i could sort out my health issues and improve my appearance but it is really really difficult.

I know there's not much anyone can say, just needed to get it out.

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Original poster

oneplusone · 18/08/2008 21:07

sorry DD is only just 5 not 3.

OP posts:

Hecate · 18/08/2008 21:08

oh poor thing. It's awful when they do that, isn't it? I get "I HATE YOU" yelled at me. Hurt so much the first time. But you have to remember that they don't mean it. Not at all.

thereluctantmilitant · 18/08/2008 21:09

Skin deep and all that isn't going to cut it is it? I'm sorry. I understand too, as my dc say 'mummy why is your tummy so fat'?

Hey! Maybe I can help! I'm size 8 and I do have jelly belly but COME ON!! See, these kids???Noooooooo perspective.

I am soory though. I know it hurts.

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kittywise · 18/08/2008 21:11

poor you

You know it has nothing to do with how you look don't you?

children love their parents unconditionally.

there are children of parents who have say the most awful deformities/disfigurements

their children do not think they are ugly
With your dd it will be to do with how she feels about you probably in regards to your being snappy.

don't take it to heart, but use it as the springboard for a new you if you like

beansprout · 18/08/2008 21:11

Ds1 has just spent 6 months calling me Mr Greedy on account of my fat stomach . It's just something to get a reaction. Please don't let it upset you.

thereluctantmilitant · 18/08/2008 21:13

kittywise is spot on

twinsetandpearls · 18/08/2008 21:14

If it makes you fee any better dd came running into the kitchen after seeing a clip from the show about the 40 stone woman and said "Mum there is someone on TV even fatter than you! "

twinsetandpearls · 18/08/2008 21:18

But even at 3 if dd sid that to me in a temper I woud say to her "that is not a kind thing to say"

pagwatch · 18/08/2008 21:26

my DD is 5 too and loves to grab my elbows and say - "you are so stretchy mummy".
And "mummy you are really old now arn't you" is always great to hear as you get out of bed.

And if it is any comfort my son once walked in as i got out the the shower and shouted
" dear god, my eyes my eyes" - and he is 15.

Trouble is you are not really a person - you are their mum and they love you and they see you as just you.

I agree though - you should try to tell her that personal comments like that are never nice.
DD now parrots me " if you have nothing nice to say then please restrict your comments to the weather"

mamalovesmojitos · 18/08/2008 21:26

yes it is upsetting but they all do it.

my dd asked me why i had a 'yuckies tummy'. er, because i housed you in there causing my skin to stretch? .

she also told me that a girl in a show we went to see had a nicer face. i must admit it was true.

but as kitty says, it doesn't reflect the amount she loves you.

Hecate · 19/08/2008 12:32

My eldest son throws his arms around me, gives me a huge kiss, grin and hug and shouts "You're so fat, mummy."

ds2 wibbles me and declares "biggest tummy in the WORLD" in a most admiring tone.

Morloth · 19/08/2008 15:37

"ds2 wibbles me and declares "biggest tummy in the WORLD" in a most admiring tone."

Oh gawd, my DS does this with my arse!

You have SUCH a big bum mummy! You must have ate all your vegetables! He seems so proud of me

I blame his father, who thinks Bernard Black is exactly the person to quote: "Well I don't know if it was a nice arse, but it was huge, so there was an immense sense of value..."

To the OP, she didn't mean it - she is just checking how far she can go. I think you should let her know that she has hurt your feelings with this.

Original poster

oneplusone · 20/08/2008 13:37

Hi, thanks for all the responses, makes me feel a bit better. Trouble is being overweight is not really the problem, it's my skin. I have had terrible eczema since i had DD and it's in the most visible areas, my face and hands. I look and feel awful.

I did say to DD that what she said was not a very nice to thing to say but she didn't really seem to understand. Thinking about it today i am wondering whether some of her friends commented on my appearance the other day when i went to pick her up from a party and she's just repeating what they said to her. I think that's quite likely as it seemed to come out of the blue from her.

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Remotew · 20/08/2008 13:45

Oh I really hope she didn't hear any other child say such a thing. IME it isn't something a 5 year old would even notice or think about. I'm sure your DD doesn't think that.

I had a few girls with me aged 11 and one commented that another child was ugly. I was down on her like a tonne of bricks. I said it was a wicked thing to say about someone, she might be a beautiful person.

GooseyLoosey · 20/08/2008 13:48

Your dd does not think that you are ugly - children do not see their parents in objective terms. I would guess that she picks up on the fact that YOU have problems with your appearance and says it in the knowledge that it will wound you.

My father has a strange eye that always points away to the left. For years my friends had referred to his wonky eyes and do you know, I had never once noticed until I finally asked them what the issue was. I still don't see it when I look at him now. On the other hand, my mother thought she was fat so I saw her as fat - not because she was (5 ft 9 and size 14) but because it was such an issue for her and such a part of her own self image.

Tinkjon · 20/08/2008 22:12

I definitely think that she just said it because she was angry, she was just trying to find something nasty to say and didn't actually mean it.

My DD touched my stomach the other day and asked "Mummy, is that blubber?"

AbbeyA · 21/08/2008 08:51

She said it because she was angry not because she meant it. However talk to her about it and let her know that it is unacceptable.

Jahan · 21/08/2008 09:07

She said it beacause she was angry.

Its obviously hit a nerve with you because you feel sensitive about your appearance. (Sorry to hear about your eczema btw. I'm sure you don't look awful)

twofishes · 21/08/2008 17:33

My DS1 (6yrs) explained quite calmly the other day why he wanted his Daddy to take him to the cinema and not me 'because I like you this much Mummy (1" long space between thumb & finger) and I like Daddy this much (arms outstretched as far as they would go) that hurt and is logged for later use when teenager!!!

twofishes · 21/08/2008 17:34

oh and my DD (3yrs) likes to point out 'you've got a red spot on your face Mummy' and 'your feet are scaly like a snakes!'....empowering stuff isn't it?

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