Please help - Need advice on DC making self sick

[Tobermory]

Posted this in chat and not getting much response, so possibly not the right place. Reaaly need some help/advice in finding teh right way to appracoh his.

A potted history ; DH was married before. She has ishooos about lots of things especially all things medical but also has a history of problems with food. She used to regularly make herself sick after eating, although Ive no idea whether this reamins true now.

Dss is 10.5. he lives with Mum most of the time but cmoes to stay with us every other weekend and for extended periods during the holidays.

The other day he was coughing and said he had phlegm (sp?), DH suggested he go to the toilet and spit it out. DH followed DSS into the loos and found him with his fingers down his throat. DH aske what he was doing ( was quite shocked i think) and DSS replied that he often does it when he needs to sick something up- he can and will be sick at the drop of a hat and DH often has to remind him not to be. Dss went on to say he often uses his toothbrush if he has to be sick after breakfast. He often gets up to go to the toilet mid meal, and frequently has to be reminded to wait unitl he has finished his mouthful. If it goes unchallenged he will go with a mouthful and return soon after with it empty - i have had suspicions for a while that somethin was up.

Evidently this was all said very matter of factly. i can't deicde whether this makes it more or less worrying.
Good that there is no guilt or secretiveness on DSS's part but that he happily makes himself sick indictates a worrying attitude developing toward food, no?

DH obvioulsy needs to talk to mum, but she is likely to be defensivve.

Whats the best approaach to both DSS and Mum?

yes, very bad

definitely get dh to talk to his mum, she needs to realise the effect her behaviour is having on her son.

and for dss? perhaps a little chat about why it is not a good idea to make youself sick, that it can make him ill, that it's terrible for his teeth etc etc
and that there are other ways of dealing with problems

It doesn't sound like your dss really realises it is wrong (either because his mum does it or because he is just too young?) At least he is talking to you like you say.

I'd say your DH should do the talking to dss (since it's poss he's picking up the behaviour from mum) explaining that it isn't a good idea etc. and just keep reminding him as you have been. Hopefully that will be enough but you could always take him to your GP?

I'm sure his mum will be defensive - and v. upset - but she needs to know what is going on, even more so if this is something he is copying.

I hope it goes well.

That was my initial reaction, that DH have a 'chat' and then tell Mum what he has found/said. At least then initial 'chat' can be a reasoned one and not one tinged with guilt/issues. But i couldnt' deicde just how 'worrying' this behaviour was?

I think it's worrying. Impossible to comment on what is at the root of it (which may be more or less worrying) but the fact is that making yourself vomit frequently is really bad for you. Erodes teeth enamel, unbalances electrolytes etc. Definitely one to seek help with asap.

Other posters will give better advice than me on how to approach the mum...

I think he must know it's not right, dont you think? He must, surely? Hes a very bright 10 year old, academically speaking though not as socially aware and def, not streetwise so maybe not?

Will get DH to talk to him today