DD is a nightmare at the moment, and sometimes I worry about how I feel about her

[charchargabor]

She just turned 1 last week, and celebrated it with tonsilitis and a mild ear infection. She's just finished her antibiotics, and seems a bit better but not right really. She is really whingey. Everytime I stop her from doing something dangerous, she lets out a massive growly scream and starts crying.

I find myself getting so frustrated with her, and have actually shouted at her yesterday, which I feel awful about. DP works long days so I am on my own with DD a lot, and yesterday it all got a bit much for me. I know she's ill and I feel bad for getting so frustrated, but I am finding her really hard to deal with at the moment. She's not eating anything except breastmilk, and is sleeping even worse than she used to. I want to be so understanding and patient, but I am exhausted.

The feeling that scares me the most is sometimes, when she's crying, I feel so detached from her. Don't get me wrong, I adore her more than anything and she is my world. But sometimes when she is screaming, I just look at her and feel nothing. It's only occasionally, but I feel so guilty. Please tell me this is normal, and I'm not an awful mum. Because I feel I am right now.

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I think all mums go through phases like this; I know I did. I think babies aged 12 - 16 months or so can be really hard work. They often can't move about freely or verbalize, but they've got all the frustrations of toddlers and know how to express it!

And when you feel tired, and isolated, all these feelings combine to make you feel as if you are a crap mum (you would hardly care so much if you were), and when your DD is difficult, it just feels like the end of the world. Have you got anyone around who can give you a bit of support whilst you get through this hellish phase?

I know you probably won't believe it, but things won't always feel this crap and you WILL get your confidence back.

completely normal.
she's clingy because she's not properly better, as you know, but it can make you feel very claustrophobic.
you sound shattered.
does dp help when he's at home - even to entertain dd whilst you have a nice long bath to relax?

Thankyou both for replying! Sorry it took so long for me to get back, I had a nap with DD and feel a bit better. It's so nice to hear that other people have felt like this, even though it's not a feeling I would wish on anyone. DP has been really supportive, but as I said he's not been here much this week. He did look after her so I could have a little lie in this morning, which helped a bit. It's just so intense, isn't it? That said, she's sat there on the floor now pretending to talk to me on the phone, and it's like nothing's wrong with her!
Thanks again for your posts, they have made me feel a lot better.

I think when you are physically exhausted, the effort of emotions is just too much. I have been there, and it is the weirdest feeling to feel nothing when you know you should feel something. But, as others have said, the fact that you know you felt nothing, and it worries you is a sign that you are normal.

Thankyou! It was incredibly scary, she was crying and I had no urge to pick her up and comfort her. I snapped out of it and picked her up soon after, but that lack of feeling just felt it went on forever. It is such a relief to know it's normal!

I remember feeling like this a lot when DS was between about 10-18 mths old. It just felt so relentless - lack of sleep, constant colds, constant demands, only me to deal with it all during the days...arghhhhh [steam from ears emoticon!]

Don't be too hard on yourself. When you feel the angry / hopeless feelings build up, put her in a safe place for a couple of minutes and go and make a cuppa. I used to put DS in his playpen with CBeebies on and lock myself in the loo for 3 mins, burst into tears, resolve to stop feeling sorry for myself, make a huge coffee and plate of biccies and then return to my son feeling a tiny bit better.

Oh, and get your DH to help out as soon as he gets home. Especially important when your baby is ill - very draining to be looking after a grumpy, grotty baby all day. You need hot baths and early nights during these periods, especially if you are still BF-ing.

Oh, and another thing ...sometimes, just sometimes, when you are feeling really low, it is Ok to leave your baby to cry for a couple of minutes. Seriously. It's better than letting yourself get worked up, angry with her etc. She won't suffer if most of the time she has a loving and attentive mum. I promise.

DP has been great, and he's off for two days from tomorrow so hopefully I'll get a bit of a rest. My DSD was going to be coming tomorrow to stay, but not sure if she is coming now as not sure if DD's ear thing is viral or infection, and don't want to make her ill as well.
Got to go and think of something for dinner to woo her back to eating. She was an amazing eater before this, but now all she'll eat is cereal, oranges and cheese! Hopefully she'll pick back up when she's better. Thanks for your post.

I have been leaving her every so often when it's got too much. Normally, I can cope pretty well, but the In The Night Garden DVD has been used a lot over the last week, as it's the only thing that makes her sit still!