My son refuses the use of a toilet, soiled himself up to six times a day need help!!!

[sweetchick]

My son will be 4 two weeks tomorrow and refuses the use of a toilet.
Got him off nappies while on holiday last year and everything went really well. Caught his pee by accident in his bucket and we emptied the contents in toilet. Done poos while standing up. Done a few more poos still while standing up when back home but after a short time started soiling himself. He wet himself a few times but he s got a great bladder control and really know when needs a pee and goes in toiket himself, while at home and while out. But poos, still driving me mad, get really cross, cannot see the way out. Before used to cross his legs and hide behind the couch, under the bed, behid doors, etc.. now he does it while playing and signs are not visible anymore. Still give him lactulose, but do not want to give it him all the time, hes a fussy eater but whatever he eats its not bad, but it doesnt seem to do any effect on his bowel movements. Had tried sticker charts before, rewards and things like that, but none of that worked. Talked to him about it and now he answers me back that he likes his poo and the smell of it!!!.
Yesterday were at the park and out of the sudden run like mad and hide behind a tree to do one. When I checked it was the size of medium stone. Had to changed him quick at the park as per the playground was extremely busy with kids and feared and accident.
Also got a six month old baby and it gets very difficutl.
Spoke to HV and their answer was he should be responsible for his own mess. Had a talk with a continence adviser but was not help at all. Doctors prescribed more laxative and referal letter to the hospital. Firs, waitiling list for about 18 weeks and now said they cannot help us to see a childrn psychologist.
Do not what else to do, had tried good and bad and nothing worked. Dragged him and sat him on the toilet but the battlefields are endless.
Sat baby after he finishes his morning bottle in potty and he inmediatly does one there, but sitll not reacting. He is even helping to bring potty in for his brother!!
What worries me is the start of school next year. Kids are cruel to each other and would very much wish tha he can sort himself out.
Im feeling so frustrating and fell like a failure for not being able to help my son and for not keep trying
Wonder if someone out there went trought this and has some sort of advice or comment.
Thanks everyone so much for read/listening kinda

There is an end in sight, HM. It does go away, honestly. Have you had him seen by the doctor? He could be very loose because he is passing overflow liquid from a blocked bowel which he doesn't want to empty (may be entirely wrong. You would know better, but this can happen).

I know you get cross about it. I do feel sorry for you, because it is embarrassing. But your child's feelings and self-esteem are more important than not offending other people's noses

Yes, BB. Least said, soonest mended. I agree

Thanks ConstanceW - you are right, I do get cross about it and I know I shouldnt, I just feel myself getting mad and try as hard as I can to suppress it but occasionally it spills out. I hope noone thinks I am screaming at the poor mite the whoel time, that is definitely not the case.

I havent had him seen by the doc - but have been thinking about it for a while.

Just wanna say somebody from the children continence department in Glasgow came in to see me yesterday.
She is going to write to my GP to get my son sent to Yorkhill hospital (hospital for sick children) to get his tummy x-rated.
Nobody, and thats including the same GP, suggested this before and was not the only one time I have took my son to the doctors.
She also said could be the that he might have or not a megacolon.
If is that the case needs to empty his bowel and she said it can take a long time. We are talking months or even more, depending the case.
I m in tatters. Im not a pesimistic but always think good and bad of a situation.
Luckily, this morning without loosing my temper I had remained calm and asked him to sit on the toilet, not to the a poo, but just sit there for only a minute, in exchanged he had five jelly tots as I had promised to him.
Took me five minutes to talk and talk again, saying if he would not sit on toilet had to go to his room or naughty step.
Will try again tomorrow and let you all know how it goes.

Please don't punch my face in for sayin so, because I know you've worked very hard to get him out of them, but have you asked him if he would prefer to have nappies or pull-ups back? It's no as important where he empties his bowel, so much as that he does empty it.