2yr old will only eat 4 things so am trying to starve him into widening his repertoire - help!

[bohemianbint]

"the parent chooses what and where the child eats, the child chooses whether to and how much..." according to the chap that wrote Toddler Taming, anyway.

Whilst there's quite a lot of what he says that I'm a bit about, I think that makes quite good sense. In theory.

DS has gone from being a brilliant eater, to eating about 4 things:

rice cakes
toast
beans
bananas
peas
sweetcorn
weetabix

Ok, slightly more than 4, but that is literally it. He's refusing rice, pasta, any vegetables unless you smash them up, make them look like a veggie burger and fry them.

Am completely demoralised after spending ages thinking of healthy balanced meals, cooking them, and putting them straight in the bin. So have decided to offer him a balanced meal, and let him choose whether or not he eats it. They're not foods he doesn't like, as he used to eat them. And I've decided that if he doesn't eat them, then that's fine, but I'm not going to crack and give him a rice cake or toast every time he refuses a meal. Which is literally every time I give him anything that isn't on the list.

I feel like a complete cow though, as today all he's eaten is 1 banana. He's refused yogurt, which he ate yesterday, and wouldn't eat weetabix for breakfast, so am wondering if he just doesn't want to eat, which is fair enough. I'm just so sick of worrying about him getting scurvy, and putting the same few things in front of him. It's making me dread mealtimes as I just can't be arsed with stressing about what he should be eating, cooking it, and then binning it.

Is this fairly common? Do you think am doing the right thing in not caving and letting him live on toast? I'm not starving him really, am offering him fruit, rice, cheese, yogurt etc, and he's choosing not to eat.

I had a convo today with some other Mums about 22/23 month olds and eating. They are all being very fussy atm. Perhaps it is just the 2 year old thing? How old is your LO?

i'm mum to another fussy 2 yo (2.4)....

I'm done with stressing about it...I put on his plate what he likes and make sure he sees us eat other ''interesting'' stuff and ask him if he wants to try....if he says no, as he always does...i just say ok and smile and change the subject....although i have a big problem at the moment as he is going to start a new nursery soon and i have to send a packed lunch with him...sandwhiches are something he used to eat but refuses to touch now even my best efforts at making picnic lunches are being wasted...

i think you have to be very careful because if they sense you are upset ot uptight then it can make things worse...

hoping all our fussy eaters grow out of it....

Mine literally turned 2 on Monday. How's that for clockwork?

Don't have any helpful auggestions but do know exactly how you feel. It is so frustrating, isn't it. Ds1 (2.3) will only eat:

Chicken pie (and only Waitrose chicken in gravy sort)
brown bread
smoked salmon
pate
strawberry jam
weetabix
cake, biscuits

and if he is feeling particularly adventurous:
raspberries
bananas

He won't try anything else. Just pushes the plate away going 'nay, nay, nay'.

He has always been a poor eater, and has never eaten potatoes or rice. Used to eat pasta but now won't.

My DS is similar. I was too and didn't start eating more things until I was about 12. I try to sneak wheatgerm into anything I can for him - it has loads of good stuff in it, tastes a bit bitter tho so only 1/2 a t spoon. The main thing that made me start trying new things was the influence of my mum eating a good mix so I make sure he sees us eating loads of different things.

Just to say we do the 'lick and nibble' in our house with DD 29 months. We might put something she doesn't usually eat on her plate then before she tells us she doesn't want it, we suggest she has a lick and a nibble. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. If she does it she gets lots of praise, even if the response is 'don't like it'. If she doesn't do it, we don't mention it again. I'm just trying not to get stressed about it (she used to be a human hoover).

I was struck by that recent programme on children who won't eat....I'm sure someone can remember it better than me, but: the theory is that we are biologically programmed to be 'scared' of new foods around the age of 2 - its a built in mechanism to stop us poisoning ourselves with, originally, dangerous berries or rotting animals etc. Some kids have a heightened mechanism, others a mild one - thats just the way it is, its not naughtiness or anything else.

So with that in mind, I would just trust that he will outgrow his fussiness and not stress or push too much, just keep offering other things alongside the favourites.

I've also found the dds, when at their fussiest, have happily eaten things they won't normally eat when in the company of other kids....worth a try? Or when in unusual surroundings, even sitting at a little table in the garden, or picnicking, etc.

ALso think most of his favourite foods atm are pretty healthy - just think, it could be salt and vinegar crisps, frankfurters and jaffa cakes

The food list you gave sounds like there is a texture/colour link in the stuff he will eat. Could you try eggs/peanut butter (if no hint of an allergy) as well? My oldest son was autistic and suddenly became faddy (craving gluten) when he went autistic at 15 months, but my second 9not autistic)son was even more faddy, he lived off laughing cow sandwiches, bananas and macaroni cheese for several years. Children do often assert themselves at 2 by refusing stuff and if otherwise normal and healthy it may be very difficult to change things until they get a bit older, without huge battles and much stress. However if anyone with children who are suddenly refusing food are concerned by other symptoms that their child may be autistic please be aware that you will need to be very careful, I have known children who are so phobic they are in danger of starving as they do not sense hunger normally, similar to their lack of feeling pain and temp changes, they needed professional help - ask your GP for a referral as the service which can help may be child mental health rather than clinical psychology. The attitude of Greene just doesn't wash in these cases, they will not cave in when tempted by 'good food' when they have decided they cannot tolerate the texture/smell etc and yes they will happily go hungry instead! Brenda Myles has written a very useful book on the subject of autism and food phobias, and some of her advice might help people whose children are just very faddy and seem to have texture/smell/colour issues. Also be aware that soya products do contain lots of oestrogen, which is why they are meant to be good for menopausal women but they have been linked with declining male fertility.

those veggie burgers sound good. if hes eating them you can get a mix of stuff into him.
We went thro very resticted stage with our 2 year old. peanut butter, bread, sausage, egg, apple and sultana.and any thing biscuit shaped sweet or savoury.

he came out the other end after a while . 6 months on and hes still picky about regcognisable veg but up to cucumber, broccoli and frozen ( yes frozen) sweetcorn, peas and broad beans. along with unregocnisable veg in pasta sauce or curry.fruit has expanded up to apple, blackberry, banana chips,and grape, raspberries and strawberies sometimes. he will lick a cherry but not yet eat them.

I'd not fight too hard on this one, he will probably come through it in time , by all means keep trying him with stuff on his plate along with something he will eat but starving him seems counter productive and stressy.

One of my DD's was like this - in fact they're both fairly fussy. They also prefer finger foods that they can individually pick up and select and dislike anything where everything is mixed up together (ie fish pie, lasagne). I tried the heavy handed approach and it got me nowehere, it just turned into a massively stressful battleground every mealtime.

I've found a few things that work for my two (twins 3 years old):

Putting together a plate of foods, all separate on the plate, in the shape of a face. Put some things that they like ie peas for the mouth and then other foods for ears, hair etc ie other fruits and cheeses etc. Doesn't take too long and they feel in control to pick the things they like. To my amazement my two tried new stuff because they could choose.

We also made home made pizzas, lots of bowls of different toppings and because they had made them themselves they wolfed down lots of veggies they wouldn't normally have.

I also found that getting one of my friends little girls who my girls worship to have lunch with them works a treat. When they see other children eating things, my two meekly wolf down their lunch too without a word.

When we eat as a family, I try and eat the same as them and put all the food in different bowls and let them take a spoonful - they started eating broccoli and spinach this way because they could choose.

I also used to sneak tofu ground up into smoothies and let them help make them!

I think with fussy eaters it's a hard and painful battle to make them go cold turkey. If it's all about control you can still influence their diet whilst helping them to feel they are also having some control over things.

Now if they have pasta, I'll put the sauce to one side and then put cheese over the pasta and sauce. It took a while but my girls will now eat both pasta and sauce. Even something as simple as letting them choose which pasta they want from the cupboard seems to work wonders!

They'll also fill up on porridge for breakfast because the three bears eat it. I put a few types of fruit in bowls and let them choose what they put on top of their bowl.

If I'm really struggling I read a story to them whilst they eat. If they stop eating, I stop reading. It keeps me calm if I'm tired and they're being stroppy and its amazing how much they shovel down whilst I read!

Toddlers, they really are loopy!

I totally sympathise my DS is now 11 and is only just starting to eat more - he has recently added sausage rolls to his diet after having one round a friends house which was cause for great celebration! In the past the worst thing was going out to eat and we have many times been out and all DS will eat is the pudding - so we let him and all have a stress free and enjoyable time. I agree with the others who say just chill and in time your child will gradually eat more - although I do know how hard that is. Good luck.