is there ever going to be anything nice about being mother to a one year old?

[bumbly]

bought little one a splashsuit (again buying more and more things!) as thought with this wet weather at least he gets to go in garden and play with out getting drenched

try to put it on - the trantrum from hell

then put him in garden and screams and had to take back in as neighbours that was torturing the little one

since birth he never seem spleased with ANYTHING i do..no matter what - and all i ever want is the best for him...

any free time i have - usually one hour in eve it is all about ordering things for him, sorting his washing etc...or being online here for him

pissed/tired/upset off now!

and don't forget all those triggers are chores which you would still have to do if he is at nursery and you could find life even less joyful and more frustrating if your more limited time have a greater share of such moments than nice ones.

How do you react when he kicks off , can you try to distract him and be more chirpy and matter of fact than annoyed. Talk over his protests with a description of what you are doing and planning to do next (a pleasant thing !) as a focus. Remember he can't yet empathise with you or realise that a nappy change is a necessary short lived interruption to whatever he prefers to be doing at that moment.

bumbly - my ds is 19 months old.

He went through a super -moany phase when he was just over a year old.

In retrospect, it was like he knew what he wanted, but couldn't express it. Coupled with the fact that he wasn't quite walking, I think he just got overwhelmed with frustration.

He's happier now - but I find myself spending a lot of time figuring what he wants. I let him self-feed. Sometimes something will catch his eye (today it was a bottle of squeezy Branston pickle ), and he'll get super upset if I don't understand him, or won't give it to him. He's gradually becoming a little better at understanding 'no' or 'later' or 'hot'.

With clothes, he now often chooses his own and brings them to me. When he does that - he doesn't cry at getting dressed - but hates having them taken off if he spills something. A little fashionista.

Nappy changes are variable. Sometimes it's a physical fight. Other times, I say 'nappy time' - and he'll walk over to fetch the changing mat and lie himself down on it.

My advice it to keep trying to talk with him - using simple statements. I also did a bit of baby signing at that age - to help reduce frustration .

In particular, I do the sign for 'thank you' and say 'Ta' whenever I get something he wanted (juice/toy/snack ) . It sound silly, but it cheers me up when he signs it back. When he does it, he'll do it ten times in a row. So I give him a cup of juice and he signs 'thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou' . I can't help but smile!

my ds is 15mo and we have the same battles over anything that requires standing still/giving up doing whatever more interesting thing he wanted to do while i change nappy or whatever.
the things i've found work best are telling him what im going to do before i do it, a few times, so he gets used to the idea. eg if i just grab him and stick him on the changing mat the howls. whereas f i take him into the bathroom, say ok it's time to change your nappy, can yuo come and lie down on the mat but leave him to play, he will often voluntarily come and lie down. at this age everything's a battle for independence - they want it to be THEIR choice to do something not yours. it can't always be, but at least you can sometimes fool them that it was their idea in the first place.
also i wear him out . especially with boys i think this is important - lots of running around the playground/park, chasing games, etc etc - he gets frustrated and whiny if we are indoors too much and dont do physical things.
if i have to do someting right now, eg put his coat and shoes on so we can go out, i talk to him the whole time about what im doing and why and how we're now going for a walk. not sure how much he understands but seems to help. he also responds much better to a bright cheery tone of voice than a cross one even tho i often feel cross. if all else fails, distract with prized and not usually allowed object (eg my mobile) while doing whatever it is.
it IS hard with a baby this age and i'm working, so i know if i did it day in day out it'd seriously strain my patience. rather than decide to put him in a nursery full time maybe try part-time work or just sending him to a nursery a morning a week to get somethign done for yourself?

thanks glad am not alone - but things getting worse and worse

he now just cries if left alone with me

thanks glad am not alone - but things getting worse and worse

he now just cries if left alone with me

have you had a busy weekend ? Could he be overtired if so or just confused by the change of pace of activity and noise.

Do enquire about some of the activities listed in the replies which you codul do with him . You are in danger of talking yourself into deeper negativity towards him unless you can find positive ways to break the cycle , even briefly just a few times a week.

if ds starts a crying tantrum and i can be bothered, i use a techniqe called pattern interupt which is basically crying out loud just like him, i.e. mocking him can be embaressing in public places wailing like a toddler but only takes a few seconds works everytime and he stops right there and then!!

try it, nothing to lose!

thanks sun

yes am in a negatice cycle..what else oculd i be in???

cried when feeding him this morning
then when changing him then when in car then when in pram, then when returning home, then when feeding

then all bloody day!

bumbly
I think you are being too hard on yourself. My 13 month DD is generally quite a happy baby but also usually has a tantrum when her nappy is changed, nearly always when she is being dressed, quite often when she is being fed and doesn't fancy what is on offer etc etc.
But put her on the swings and she will stay on for an hour laughing, take her to a baby group and she will be happy etc.
You have to get out of the house for both your sakes and as someone else said, just take him to the bathroom when you go to the loo, the bedroom when you're getting dressed and so on. DD's favourite game is opening and closing doors as the moment. I lay on the bed watching her for 20 mins this morning. She could have gone on for ages.
I am a SAHM and I also have to have something planned for each day or would go mad.

Bumbly - my eldest was the same, cried all the time, never played happily etc etc. I think toddler groups saved me - although he used to cry a lot there too - but at least it made me get out into the real world again. I think adult company was quite important for me otherwise I just felt I was alone doing something I didn't seem to be very good at. It does get better ! If you don't fancy groups is there a soft play centre or swimming pool nearby - something to knacker him out? Could you afford to put him in a nursery/with childminder for a morning a week just to get some time back for yourself and hopefully get things in perspective? Take care, it won't be like this forever.

Bumbly, not sure who your last comment was directed at or if I'm misreading the note of cynicism in it. The point being made is that your lo is still small, at a frustrating age as regards mobility and communication skills and others have experienced similar behavioural difficulties in their babies/toddlers. He is not in control of his behaviour and emotions and won't be for soem time to come. You sound so miserable and have on and off over many threads.

So he can't change things, however much you wish, but you could, if you explored some of the suggestions others have found helpful. No they won't all be available in your area, nor will they all be on days/times that are feasible for you, but one or two might just give you a chink of hope and reassurance that you can learn to enjoy him and give you positive things to recall and look forward to when you find his behaviour hard to deal with. You may even find someone who would be happy to have him to play with their tot for an hour or so to give you a break. Sometimes it will be hard going even getting out the door in the right frame of mind to be there on time, so you go through the motions ignoring the protests and screams, but the overall benefit to you and your lo would make it worthwhile.

Good luck

Bumbly, I do hope you can take this the right way but do you think you might be suffering from PND? I don't know your history or anything about you really but your posts on hear sound so sad and negative it struck me almost straight away. its no weakness or failure on your part, its a chemical thing and there is help and support there if you need it - HV or GP as a start. Apologies if I'm off down the wrong track completely but just because you lo is 1 doesn't mean PND can't still be lingering.

You have got to get out more. Really. It makes a huge difference. Being at home with a one year old is a recipe for misery. Go to those swimming lessons, baby groups, make some mum friends. YOu need adult company and he will love seeing other babies. It's much more fun having a coffee with another adult while the baby crawls around than being at home doing bloody chores, which are hideous for all of us. Nothing wrong with nursery, but you need some time for you. Why not join a gym with a creche and get fit and have a break at the same time.
Agree that you sound rather depressed, if this isn't just a bad day/week but a constant thing.

Yes 1 year olds are very demanding and tiring but they are only finding their way in the world, all they want is to explore and anything that interupts that like feeding, changing etc warrants a massive melt down...well with my DD it does!

Distraction is great at this age...give him a toy when you are changing him or even a baby wipe...it keeps him still just about long enough to get half way through the change so have something else lined up for him when he throws away the other!

They are also very frustrated at this age...they cant communicate what they want so sometimes its a guessing game as to what is wrong with them, and their mobility isnt great either so they cant get what they want!

I agree with all the others ...get out with him as much as possible ...it will be great for him and you.

I hope you start to feel better soon cos you do sound very low...is there anyone you can talk to..A DP, mother, sister, friend, Gp?
Look after yourself cos motherhood is very demanding but can also be very rewarding.

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do all you guys say..but still tantrums

no no pnd as am happy when he is ok and not as tough for me

so if he is ok i am ok

so no pnd

Teething? My 10mo is miserable at the moment with his teeth and just cries from morning to night. If he wasnt my 2nd I might lose perspective and say he cries all the time but I know its its teeth and can remember DD being like this too.

Get out every day, talk to other mums (although avoid 'my baby is perfect' mums) and finally greatest thing I found was EAR DEFENDERS. Seriously. They are £3 from Lord Tool Hire and saved my sanity on whingy days. Just put them on when the crying starts to really get to you, you know that shrill tired cry that really grates? It means you can still hear them but its like turning the volume down on them. You can still continue changing a nappy, feeding, whatever necessary thing you have to do but the crying doesnt quite get to you and send you over the edge.

caz thanks for that!!

hope it is teething

tough time for me

You know, he might be feeding off of you. He's upset because you are?

Children never meet with a parent's expectation of fun. You can spend ages preparing or thinking up activities and your child will take one look, shrug their shoulders and find something to chew on or something.

Learning that things arent fun for children/babies because we want them to be was something I learned the hard way too.

I think you need to see the GP. You do sound quite depressed.