would this work? fussy eating

[susia]

Hi,
We have a very fussy 5 year old with regards eating and have tried loads of things over the years including trying our best with encouragement and trying new foods to letting him eat only what he wants (sort of worked but meant he wasn't joining in family meals) to allergy testing etc.

Just suddenly though how about saying to him that he could have 1 treat (crisps, chocolate whatever...) but that I would cook him a meal every night of what I choose from the foods he likes. If he doesn't make a fuss but leaves it, he can only have a banana afterwards before bed. But if eats some of it or all of it and doesn't make a fuss he can have his treat afterwards?!

Is that too complex for a five year old? Is it too strict/too lenient???

As long as his overall diet is okay, try not to worry too much about the social side, Susia.

I agree, I cannot say to friends parents. Eg they invite us over for a meal, they are eating vegetarian spagetti bolognaise. My son may eat the spagetti but would not eat the bolognaise. I can hardly say, he will have a boiled egg? I think that is ridiculous for a 5 year old!

Yes had many conversations with the health visitor

Why is that ridiculous for a 5yo? I'm puzzled now.

If you were having a meal with chicken and your friend was vegetarian, would you think it ridiculous if s/he asked for a cheese salad or other non-meat dish?

no - but he can have the plain pasta and be polite about it. I happily sat and eat nothing (or very little) at other peoples houses. However if he creates about it then that should be addressed (imo).

Mine wouldn't eat veggie bolognese either! Would just give mine pasta too.

because when you go to people's houses you eat what they give you generally or most people do. All his friends do, I do, most people I know do...

I know some people have lifelong problems with food and I want to avoid that

The people that I know tend to make allowances for young children (and even older children).

But there is a difference between cooking something you think children will like e.g. beans on toast, pasta, fish fingers and them turning round to you and saying 'I only eat Birds Eye' to cooking something odd like quiche and expecting them all to eat it. I suppose it comes down to what you think is childrens food and whether children should eat adult style food and whether there should be no difference at all

susia, my dh was exactly the same. Would only eat vegetables raw, nothing mixed, no sauces etc. You should see him now, eats EVERYTHING, not a fussy eater at all. Try not to worry too much (I know easier said than done 9mo ds is very fussy already )

I try my best to not worry. Health wise he's fine but I get so sick of it too.

Like I said tonight made a special effort with chips, also chicken pie (he likes the pastry normally) and brocoli. Not a meal I'd have chosen for myself but all things he likes. He wouldn't eat it, wrong type of chips, wouldn't touch the pastry etc.

For the first time in months, I got really annoyed. He sat there crying about his food so I walked out and ate in another room.

My DS is two and he's very fussy. The nursery have to mash his food a lot of the time as he doesn't like the look of it in its unmashed state and anything too colourful i.e a pasta bake with veg he will scream at.

I used to cry at meal times as was so worried about him but now I've just decided to go with the flow and give him what I know he will eat - its not very varied but it does contain all what he needs - protein,calcium and he does eat meat and veg at nursery (he won't at home) so I know he's getting veg for three days a week.

The latest thing I'm trying is to offer him his food, if he refuses, take it away and offer it again 30 mins later. If he still refuses, then he goes without and I'll just give him a boring snack so he's not going hungry but not seeing that he gets a tasty alternative for refusing his food iyswim? I must admit I do tend to reward him with a biscuit or small amount of chocolate when he does eat his food at home but I'm trying to make meal times more positive and its not like I'll be doing it forever - I figure it will get better at some point...

You say that you are trying to avoid later problems with food. Having him crying over meals isn't the best way to go about that imo.
While it's inconveniencing you at the moment don't take it too personally that he's refusing the food you've prepared. He has his own measure of what he needs and likes. Don't turn it into a war. Keep offering him small samples of things but don't be offended or upset if he doesn't want it. Keep a good supply of the good things you already know he likes. Maybe add one new thing per evening meal.

PJC my son was like that at 2 too and that was what we did and it worked to an extent. However, he is 5 now and has never progressed beyond that and he now needs to eat what others are eating IMO and it is starting to become a social problem.

If he was still 2 it wouldn't be a problem but others and us at home should not have to have 2 separate meals. I have never met any large family (not that ours is but that with many children they tend to fit in) where the mother cooks two or more meals in one go.

juule I only agree to an extent - I don't think he should have special meals or have me fuss over him making his samples and tastes of food. I think he should eat within reason what he is given.

I am happy to adapt our meals and eat alot of what he wants but the exent to which I'd have to do that would make everyone else meals boring to say the least!

My brother was a fussy eater as a child and always ate a boiled egg when going for tea at relatives or friends houses. (It's easy to cook and most people have eggs and bread). Don't worry about it most parents would understand. The only thing he would eat at Sunday lunch was yorkshire pudding and gravy. He is almost 40 now and his diet is normal and he runs marathons and is extremely fit. We laugh about it now (he was once sick at school when forced to eat a piece of cheese) but at the time my mum was quite stressed about it. (My brother never worried about his limited diet unless forced or cajoled to eat something he did not want) He gradually introduced new foods into his diet himself.

my two year old has never ever eaten a vegetable, never, not even pureed when weaning. The closest she's got is spag bol and even then she will pick out all visible signs of veggies eg, tiny bits of onion etc. I've given up worrying aobut it as she does eat fruit and so presumably won't get scurvy! I always put vegon her plate one day in the hope that she will surprise me...

TBH, if a young child genuinely doesn't like a food or even if they prefer to have the food, say, unmixed, that's fair enough and to be respected even at other people's houses.

But I would have no time for faddishness such as preferring only certain brands etc (if you put different brand beans in a Heinz tin would he really be able to tell the difference?). It seems to be bordering on control/game-playing and is best ignored. I would remove the plate and not offer anything else. Best o fluck though, I know how emotive this issue can be!

I would just say give him what he wants and when he is ready to change he will.

yes am going to go for what I first suggested. He will get a small plate of food from mainly foods he already likes. No fuss from me, no asking him to eat it. I want no fuss from him either. He either eats it or not. Pudding if he eats it and not if he doesn't

i think that only works if pudding is something healthy anyway like fruit or yogurt. otherwise it is teaching him that dinner is like a chore he has to do to get a reward iyswim.

Sorry but I have only skimmed through posts!

Is your DS allergic to these foods or just "fussy"

Allergic - you obviously have a problem.

Fussy - The way I work round things (and yes I do have a fussy eater) Is when I introduce new foods to her, I encourage her to help me cook, yes it takes a lot longer, but DD is normally inclined to eat it if she knows what has gone into it.

TBH - last week DD has started to eat lasgne!
I have made lasagne for yrs, DD1 and 2 would eat it but not DD3. We made it together (the same way I would make a bolognaise that she would eat) etc.....

Then when she had the confidence about that, I introduced cauliflower and broccoli cheese, DD3 told me she didn't like the sauce, I explained that it was the same sauce as the lasagne and the veg was cooked the same. Voila she ate it!

I have promised her the next time I make cauliflower and broccoli cheese she can help!

It also turned her into liking turkey Prostitsio, esp when I told her what went into it.

All I can say is break down every bit of ingredients, even flour (if they cake, then tell them they like flour! It does wonders!)

"I have never met any large family (not that ours is but that with many children they tend to fit in) where the mother cooks two or more meals in one go. "

Susia granted you have never met me, but I'd just like to say that although the large families you have met that don't make different meals, there are some large families that do. Mine is one of them. With 9 children and 2 adults I have always mixed and matched meals. Some meals we all eat the same thing (E.g Sunday lunch where everyone likes something). Other meals are like a restaurant in that there are 2 or 3 choices or combinations of and if there's nothing that suits then they can always get a sandwich or something.

Don't get too hung up on the "think he should". He's an individual with his own tastes.

And I have to agree with him about different brands. Some baked beans taste awful. My children can taste the difference. And yes I have tried passing foods off as a brand they like. Spot it in the first taste.

May2December My 15yo is like that with yorkshire puddings only without the gravy

My 21yo ate everything in front of him until he went to school. Then he was incredibly faddy until around 14/15 when he started to try things for himself. He now eats anything and everything again and is as fit as a fiddle.

I cook meals for the whole family. DS1 is quite fussy, and I know he won't touch the veg on his plate. I still put it there, though. I still serve things he hasn't tried, as if I didn't, he'd certainly never try them. Quite often, DS1 will say he doesn't like what we're having, so we say "fine, you don't have to eat it", and he can just wait until we've finished until his pudding. Which is yoghurt or fruit, generally. I'm not bothered by it at all - I'm assuming he'll grow out of it. A year ago he wasn't eating any fruit and now there's no stopping him.

I used to be pretty fussy as a child and I actually clearly remember the day it changed. You know how, when you're hungry and someone is cooking a nice smelling meal you think "mmm, I fancy that"?

Well as a child I never had that - I used to semi dread mealtimes as there would always be things I wouldn't like.

But then one Sunday my mum was making chilli and i suddenly thought "that smells delicious" and ate the whole plateful. Mum assumed I had been swapped with another child.

And after that, fine really - I eat everything now and will try all manner of unusual things, and like them.

But it was like my palate suddenly matured overnight.