Advice on Child Custody Battle...

[Zebraa]

My friend recently left her XP for a man she had met on the internet, taking their DS (4 yrs old) with her. She moved from their family home in Bucks to Manchester (where net man has a one bed flat). When she got back in contact with XP, he asked to have their DS for a few nights. However, when his time was up he refused to allow DS to return to Manchester and the following day she was issued with court proceedings, fighting for sole custody of DS.

She provided a sick note for the first hearing and temporary residential custody was granted to XP. That was 6 weeks ago and since the hearing is next week.

It is 8 weeks since XP refused to return DS to her and she has made no effort to contact, see or gain any access to DS. She hasn?t even made a phone call to XP.

XP, however, has enrolled DS back into the specialist playschool she took him out of without informing them when she left for Manchester. He has also arranged speech therapy sessions and such for him on weekly basis. He has ensured he stays in contact with his friends and also with her family, i.e. DS?S Grandma and Grandad on her side.

XP works and friend doesn?t, her net BF isn?t working either. They?re using the money she gets from benefits and child disability benefits to live off for the time being.

I would say in the interest of the child, he absolutely should stay with XP. However, with her being his mother, does this have any dominance anymore?

I don't see your point Roccoco tbh.

I just feel quite sad that this is the justice. A mother who left her home and child for a man she didn't know, moved to an entirely new location and hasn't made a scarp of effort since to contact her son, is granted sole custody. What. A. Joke.

Hear, hear Wannabe. Am incredibly shocked at the decision made in this case.

You talk complete sense Edam. Women are allowed to leave their partners. There are already more than enough women trapped in aggressive, oppressive, miserable relationships without any law reforms tipping the legal balance in to the favour of the father.

So no, the law is not a joke. Unless you're going to rip a child in two, sole custody can only go to one parent, and as it is far, far, far rarer for mothers to abandon their children, and Mothers are more likely to make sacrafices for their children, and to prioritise their children above everything else, then it is right and proper that the law is tipped in the favour of mothers.

Although, I do not actually believe that it always is anymore. Look at the Hague Convention and what happens to women who flee violent partners and remove their children from their habitual domicile! As if habitual domicile was what mattered above all else, always, more important than safety, love, support ...

I feel sorry for the father in THIS case, but my point is Zebra, that although you are a confidante/colleague of this woman, you are pasting her crisis all over the internet. This her life. But to you it's a thread on mumsnet and lots of posters post 'oooooh you're so right Zebra" and maybe you are right! But it's not very loyal, that's my first point. And my second point, just to clarify, is that the law is not a joke.