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Parenting

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Original poster

Would you leave 15month old alone in room for 30 mins?

31 replies

LUCIA22 · 30/07/2008 22:19

My DP has just admitted to me that when he is looking after DD 15months old whilst working from home, he will sometimes shut her in the living room if he has to take an important phone call. This could be anything up to30 mins. This has really upset me. It is only for one day a week but he doesnt seem to see how risky this is, he thinks I worry too much. He has agreed to put her in the play pen in the future but I am so upset that he sees leaving her like this acceptable. he says he has no other option as he cant afford to risk losing a customer. What would you do?

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TheOriginalXENA · 30/07/2008 22:20

I agree not in a room alone... playpen much better.

ImnotOK · 30/07/2008 22:20

No NO NO.

onepieceoflollipop · 30/07/2008 22:21

What would he do if she started crying and he was on his Important call? Obviously a play pen is safer - but safety isn't the only consideration imo. 30 minutes to a small child seems a Very Long Time.

Personally I think you need to re discuss this "working at home" situation with him, as it seems he isn't really there for her.

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llareggub · 30/07/2008 22:21

I think it is pretty impossible to work from home and look after a child. So, to answer your question, when working from home, I'd make sure there was someone else around to look after my son or take him to a childminder or nursery. Actually, that IS what I do.

KerryMum · 30/07/2008 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PhDlifeNeedsaNewLife · 30/07/2008 22:23

good god, no - not unless I wanted both my room and my 15m-old damaged! But then, perhaps mine is more of a climber than yours...

FAQ · 30/07/2008 22:25

I have left DS3 in a room on his own, but never to do anything that can't just be dropped in an instant. I always leave the door open too so I can hear exactly what he's up to.

sophiebbb · 30/07/2008 22:25

I wouldn't leave him for 2 minutes in a room alone.....

callmeovercautious · 30/07/2008 22:25

Not acceptable at all. As for a playpen - if only ! DD would never have stood for 5 minutes alone in one never mind 30mins.

Give him a kick up the backside from me while you are at it.

Original poster

LUCIA22 · 30/07/2008 22:25

I know that she would get really distress and cry being shut in on her own. I am upset that he is not thinking about her safety and I dont want something to happen before he realises how irresponsible it is. I do accept that he has to work and i know we need to pay the rent but her welbeing comes before anything else to me. I need reassurance that leaving her in a playpen like this is not a really cruel thing to be doing. I would feel better at least knowing she is safe if upset but surely its not a solution. We cant afford more childcare but he says that he will carry on doing it unless I can come up with a solution.

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onepieceoflollipop · 30/07/2008 22:29

Does she have a fairly regular nap time? If so could he try and schedule phone calls for then? Could he be in the room with her on the phone if she had something to occupy herself with fairly quietly. (snack/newish toy/even a dvd if desperate?)

I personally (and this is just my opinion I stress) would not want to think of a child of that age potentially yelling and screaming in a play pen for 30 minutes at a time. If you can't afford more childcare could you "swap" childcare/babysitting with a friend? i.e. something like you babysit one evening in return for them having your dd 2-3 hours when you dp is working from home?

bluenosesaint · 30/07/2008 22:32

Not a chance!

I shudder to think about what dd would get up to in 30 minutes ...

Original poster

LUCIA22 · 30/07/2008 22:37

He could get a phone call at anytime and would need to deal with it there. Business is slow at the moment and doesnt want to risk losing any. he doesnt want her in the same room as if she did make any noise then it would sound v unprofessional. He really doesnt see what the problem is and so it is totally up to me to sort out a solution. There isnt really anyone else to help out. I am dreading going to work now as I will be worrying about it and feeling guilty about her being left alone and getting upset.

OP posts:

onepieceoflollipop · 30/07/2008 22:39

Sorry Lucia that must be really hard for you. Hope you come up with a solution soon.

solidgoldbrass · 30/07/2008 22:43

DS had a playpen at that age and would sit in it happily for some of the time if Cbeebies was on (ie while I cooked lunch or something). But it sounds like your DP doesn't think childcare is his job and is doing a fairly classic tosser trick of doing it inadequately so he won't be asked to do it again. Is he one of these types who thinks that, as a Man, he is far too important to do 'women's work'?

OK, to be fair, if he is worried about his business and scared to do anything that might frighten off a client then it might be the stress that is making him behave like this, but FWIW most clients/most people are very understanding if you are on the phone and your child cries or laughs or makes a noise - and if it's a man looking after a child the client may well think 'Wow, what an enlightend lovely chap, he looks after his own child, let's give him the job.' - Certainly worth suggesting that one to him.

pedilia · 30/07/2008 22:43

No way, I take DD3 with me everywhere otherwise she will trash the room and I risk her hurting herself! She would also be upset if alone for that long, especially shut in.

Is he locking the door? DD could open any door in our house at 15 months.

onepieceoflollipop · 30/07/2008 22:45

What line of work is he in Lucia?

bluenosesaint · 30/07/2008 22:49

Then i would definitely get a playpen Lucia, because at least that way she will stay safe

Original poster

LUCIA22 · 30/07/2008 22:52

he is quite happy doing childcare, that is not an issue but he doesnt see anything wrong in what he is doing. I cant come up with another solution that is not going to cost money and he doesnt think we need to. I think the playpen is what we will have to do and just hope that she isnt left for too long and doesnt get too upset. If I could afford to work less days i would happily be home with her more but thats not really an option.

OP posts:

champagneandroses · 30/07/2008 23:15

I say the same and buy a playpen or a travel cot so he can put her in there with safe toys while he takes a call.

solidgoldbrass · 31/07/2008 14:08

TBH a playpen with safe toys is hardly chld abuse: she might enjoy it in there or at least not mind. Also, he could perhaps put on a DVD for her (Have one cued up and ready to play if he gets a call) and she will probably be perfectly happy. I certainly did similar with DS when he was that age and it didn't seem to hurt him in the least.

EffiePerine · 31/07/2008 14:12

God no. I;d be less worried about the safety of the child than the room tbh (I know what DS can do in an unsupervised 5 minutes let alone half an hour ).

No way would he have stood for a playpen at that age either - phone call would have been interrupted by banshee screaming.

If your DH has to make a work phone call, wait till naptime (this is what DH does).

lizinthesticks · 31/07/2008 14:48

I don't think I would, tbh. I also agree with the view above that 30 mins can probably feel like a really - REALLY - long time to a toddler. Perhaps not so bad if they can hear your voice. But even so.

jelliebelly · 31/07/2008 15:02

I agree that if you have no alternative childcare options then a playpen is a MUST - there is no tellings what trouble a 15mo could get into in half an hour free roaming

30 mins is a long time to be on a call for - what does he do? - I would maybe ask him to try to limit the time she is on her own for but I don't see any problem with using the playpen/TV combo for short periods.

upsydizzy · 01/08/2008 10:23

30 minutes does seem too long. My son's 6 months and at the moment, the longest I leave him unattended is about two minutes (during this time the dog is removed from the room, and he's in a secure place).

I have just started working from home myself. There are ways of keeping a child quiet. was in a playpen, then fair enough, as long as safe toys were available. Also, I would at least try to limit the time on the phone, or offer to phone back if anything happened, but try to keep in the same room.

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