Profound shame - my DCs have godawful table manners

[BalloonSlayer]

Yep and it's my fault for giving them their tea and not supervising them properly, skiving off on to mumsnet and leaving them to get on with it.

I have even found myself telling them off in McDonalds, and when your table manners are not good enough for McDonalds, then you ARE in trouble.

What do they do wrong? Well EVERYTHING.
But if I am telling them off about everything it just comes across as one long harangue.

I need help in whittling it down to say, three most important things, to work on at the moment. When these are ok I can move on to more minor details. I can leave the "keep your elbows off the table" till last.

My 3 items I am planning to emphasise (hopefully ignoring the rest just for now):

1. Sit on your bottom, straight on the chair (sub instructions to DD, do NOT keep showing your knickers no one wants to see them)

1. Hold your knife and fork in the correct hands and by the handles.

1. Cut the food up into bite size pieces and convey each piece to your mouth one by one. (ie do not spear a whole sausage with your fork and sit there and chew it for 10 mins).

Any ideas for other important things would be gratefully received.

What examples of bad table manners do all you mumsnetters really hate when you see them? Because I suspect my DCs do 'em all.

And now I come to think of it they are pretty good with the pleases and thank yous so it's not all bad.

Let them eat lemonade.

The dds are now 11 and 9. I always let them leave the table when they were finished, regardless of anyone elkse being finished. I have no recollection of them coming up with excuses to leave the table half way through for a pretend trip to the loo. That's what bored troublesome children do in the classroom!

guess am just lucky with them enjoying all food and dont complain about what they are given,and we make the fun conversation, but they still sometimes eat like animals

I don't really mind elbows except that DS1 has a way of doing it that makes it absolutely impossible to use his cutlery properly. Since he is dyspraxic and struggles anyway, the fact that he has suddenly started putting his elbows on the tables is simply not helping and just makes him more likely to use his fingers.

He never used to do it - why start now? Argggh!

I don't care whether they start before we are all sitting down - I would rather they had their food hot.

Funny how we all differ.

I remember my parents insisted that when you have finished you put your knife and fork together on the plate and didn't push the plate away. I haven't even begun to deal with that yet. Just not important.

I think they get worse at school..at least my Ds has...He had beautiful manners until 2 years ago and I just can't get him to eat properly now.
He talks with his mouth full, eats with his mouth open, refuses to use his knife, jams far too much food into his mouth, sits on his leg/s...in short, he's become a total pig.

I agree with pointy.

A lot of mistique and unnecessary pomp surrounds mealtimes.

Yes, stay and chat together even if yu've finished because people lie to chat and its a chance to catch up.

Elbows is archaic and pointless, though I'd let them know so they don't get thrown out of the Ivy.

Sitting to eat os good and worhtwhile for digestion, (as opposed to my dcs (4+2) who frequently would rather stand).

I know that a lot of these are sensible but I do wonder how we can worry about the tenseness of mealtimes and our dcs not eating and yet still insist on all these rules and ceremony.

Solo I agree with you - school definitely makes it all worse. DS was never great because of the dyspraxia but now he uses elbows and eats with his mouth open too. Yuck.

I can't agree with Slur that elbows on the table is archaic though - if you saw the angle at which my DS was trying to use his fork because he had his elbow on the table you wouldn't agree with it either. How can anybody use a fork when it is dangling from his hand which is virtually at shoulder level?

So, rather than have an argument about the exact angle at which it is acceptable to have your elbow on the table, just keep them off, full stop.

Think my point is that you have to prioritise and adjust for individual families, for us - sitting at the table and not getting down is a priority. (4&2) For others who mastered those skills then eating with your mouth closed is a worthy goal. Elbows on or off the table (assuming it isn't making it difficult to actually eat) is advanced table manners

POint is, insisting on all rules, all at once might make a restrictive environment in which to enjoy a meal.

One day I shall eat something and NOT spill it down my front, I will really I will.

We are pretty chilled about table manners. The only thing that drives me up a feckin' wall is the complete inability the child appears to have to SIT STILL on a dining chair. Seriously just sit with your bum on the seat and your legs in the front, you will not actually DIE.

My ds(7) still ends up with half his food in his hair, god only knows how. He's of the 'spear the sausage and gnaw it down' school of table manners, and manages to scatter rice like confetti.

He's starting hot school meals next term so I've got 6 weeks to lick him into shape.

Morloth, your mealtimes sopund like ours . The seeming complete inability to sit still really does drive me mad too.

God you lot have cheered me up. So relieved it's not just mine.

I think you are right, the school does have an effect. DS1's best friend came to tea this week - he used to be the shining example I held up to my two (well, he ate with a knife and fork!) but now he's worse than they are.

Seems as if the same things annoy everyone!

maidamess, I wouldn't bother...they will fast go downhill...I'd give them a half term after all your careful training. That's pesimistic isn't it