How much time do you spend playing with your children?

[Juliehafrancis]

Hiya..

I was watching the rules to roost programme on BBC 3 this evening and was amazed at how little they actually "played" with their children. I am always constantly getting accused of not playing with my daughter enough by my dp but I would say I spent at least 3 hours of undevoted (i.e no disruptions) time a day and would never expect for her to play on her own for a long period of time unless I was near by and could interact with her while cleaning etc
Just wondered what the general consensus is....

Would be interested in everyone's opinions.

Jules

Oh I feel so glad for this thread

I've had such trouble entertaining ds (9 months) and I feel so guilty as he needs constant attention but after 20 minutes of solid playing I feel exhausted... I easily do 3*20 minutes though, and the rest of the day is cleaning/napping/eating/out and about.

I don't feel so bad now...

My children have had to learn to amuse themselves simply because running a pub left very little uninterrupted time together. Sometimes it was all I could do to get them fed/bathed and into bed. This wasn't too bad with dd who was always very independent anyway but was the source of much guilt when ds showed signs of autism. We gave up the pub for his sake as he needs so much more attention. Trouble is, I'm now finding it very hard to get back in the swing of playing with them. I feel bad when they come in from school and go straight onto the computer or playstation but it's a hard habit to break.

We do a lot of activities together such as walks in the woods, swimming, visiting the playground etc, but I'm afraid very little of the jigsaws/drawing variety. I used to do these things when we only had dd and seeing this thread has made me wonder why it doesn't occur to me to do them now. I can feel a new year's resolution coming on! (ok a bit late I know).

I quite agree that I too feel three hours is a long time! but the problem is my dp is upstairs (he's ill at the moment) so I know he listens to what we are doing. I have to say I love reading books, music, baking and arty stuff but find the other stuff quite difficult. I am so glad that some people agree. My little girl does not leave my dp alone because he has always played with her 100 % when he is downstairs which makes it very difficult because I get accused of hiding in the kitchen whenever he is down! I am getting quite worried as dp is due to have an operation soon and when he is home he is going to want to be downstairs all the time and I will find it very hard to keep Dd away from him! Argh... hope that makes sense!

What do others think? Sorry if I put you off blabbing on....

Jules x

If your dh questions how you spend your time with dd, why not bombard him with some "expert" opinions? Go to a large bookstore or library and browse through the books on child behaviour/development. I'm willing to bet that you'll find facts that confirm you can feel comfortable with how you're interacting with dd. You may even find that by giving her too much attention, you potentially make it very difficult for her to be in situations that don't revolve exclusively around her.

By the way, the expert I mentioned in an earlier post is T. Berry Brazelton, MD. I'd also look for some of the books that have been printed from the "Child of our Time" telly series. Hopefully what you find will put your husband's mind at ease, and will reassure you too. Good luck.

Jules - can you organise a few playdates and get out from under his feet. Men with nothing better to think about than how ill they are can be very wearing!! You can't keep her away from him - you'll have to let him know it's because he's such an important part of her life - if he's there, she's naturally going to want to be with him. (flattery usually does it?!) Good luck - sounds like there might be deeper issues?

i was alway ready to play with my girls but we did more things together like walking in the fields,cooking,gardning all the things that i did they helped and learned as we went, spent a lot of time reading together,and as i was an animal rescue person at the time they helped with the animals too,life is to short to look back and say i wish i had spent more time with them

Aagh, typed a message and then got service unavaible when I went to post it. Anyone who spends 3 hrs playing with their child deserves a medal imo.

It seems to be a sad thing these days, people worrying are they/aren't they spending enough time with their kids? As long as the kids are happy thats all that should matter. They let them play all day in the streets in the old days!I think a lot of this revolves around busy lifestyles and women having to work. The professionals put too much emphasis on the word "quality" time. I am lucky that I am a SAHM and can spend time with my dd, but I also don't get in her face all day. You just make a rod for your own back otherwise! I think like the others have mentioned, it is more important to communicate and explore surroundings (whether that be talking about cooking and food round the supermarket, or taking a trip to the park) Kids will tell you what they want and it all depends on their personalities too. Some need more attention, others need less. You have to teach them the realities of life also. They must realise they can't have you all to theirself 24/7 as life just doesn't work like that. Try and balance things out, a bit of 1 on 1 play, let them play on their own, and just general talking and conversing during every day normal activities. And most of all, don't worry about it. No one is perfect, we are all human and no one gets everything right 100% of the time. Just go with the flow, be happy and enjoy life!

great post samwifewithkid!
I've always tried to fit DD around our lives rather than the other way around and she is more than happy to just play next to me or in the next room whilst I try and do my stuff and we can chat and look at each other at the same time. I have to say that when we leave the house I am 100% focused on her and I find it enjoyable too and she loves chatting to me knowing that I'm there just for here even though we're in the big world. However, when I do have to leave her because of work commitments, as soon as I get through the door, all I want to do is just play on the floor with DD and read to her or chat whilst she sits on my lap for ages and ages. It just feels natural. I wouldn't make an effort to play if I didn't feel like it because none of us would benefit from it.

Well after getting up, breakfasted and dressed we usually play for 1/2 to 3/4 of an hour before we go out. $ morning out of 5 we have arranged activities so not sure whether that time is classed as playing with them. We then rush home to get ready for pre-school and DS is then out for most of the afternoon so I then do something with my DD (swimming, shopping, walk in park). When DS gets back from pre-school I am usually tied up with getting tea ready for both of them.

I definitely don't manage 3 hours a day!

Branster - you lucky thing! My dd (5) FORCES me to play with her - by following me and bleating until I can take no more. Would love your philosophy if I could only get away with it....

Hi have 2 children 3 and 21months.Keeping them occupied all day is hard work.Then fitting in the housework and what seems like constant feeding time.My two are great at amusing themselves while i do the housework and love to help with the washing,dishwasher,hoovering etc.My ds the 3 year old loves to help me cook and is great at chopping mixing etc although sometimes you just want to get on with it quickly.I find this time of year when they can'nt get outside difficult as well hence the inflatable wigwam in the lounge at the moment.C beebies is a godsend sometimes and i know some people disagree with them sitting in front of the telly they do learn things from it.making stuff and fuels their imagination to copy what they see other children on the programmes are doing.
As for toys they have too many and getting down on the floor and playing with these i find boring,i'd much rather get old cardboard boxes and make an oven,washing machine etc the kids love it much more and play at cooking and washing my dd dolly clothes.My ds loves this and hopefully will teach him that men do household chores as well.He loves hoovering,will it last into his teenage years? i doubt it
Maria

Message withdrawn

hey all,

sorry if this has already been said as I havent read the entire thread. But children are a sponge and learn continually no matter what the activity. We dont have to be mother earth types, pinny round the waist and answers for everything! I think 3 hours a day literally at kiddy level is fantastic and you should feel very proud of yourself!!

I am due my first in 6 weeks, but have been a nanny and worked in childcare for over 12 years as well as am a student midwife, so i have some experience. I intend to sah and interact with my child at all times, but I can tell you now pre-baby, that 3 hours a day playing will not be done by me! I know that I will nod off for sure! I think that will be left to my partner, who is younger than me and who I can just picture down on the floor playing the fool with full animation endlessly, day after day